Do you wonder how to get ex girlfriend back from an abusive situation? No matter what has to happen, it is important that she gets out of the situation. It can break your heart knowing that your ex girlfriend, whom you still love is with the entirely wrong person and in an abusive situation. No person deserves that.



You need help whether you are trying to get ex girlfriend back or just get her out of the bad situation. You have a decision to make. Which is more important? To save her from a horrible nightmare or to get ex girlfriend back. If it appears that you have her best interest at heart it will make a big difference. You will need to analyze what is motivating you so that you do not use this as an attempt to further your interest.

On the other hand, she may not want rescuing and you will have to accept that. Being a hero may go a long ways if you save her not only from an abusive situation but a life threatening one. It is a known fact that often a person who has been abused will go back to the abuser. If she knows that she can be safe with you she is less likely to return to the bad situation. First you need to let her know that she is safe with you. Hopefully you have proven that you can take care of her. If you did not do a very good job the first time, let her know that you are a changed person. She will need to know that she can depend on you and that you will be able to listen. Make her aware that she deserves much better. An abusive person likes to belittle the abused and make them feel as if they deserve the abuse. She may be suffering from low self esteem. You need to make her feel special.

You need to get ex girlfriend back because she deserves so much better. Your motivation for saving her should be apparent and will make it easier to get ex girlfriend back. You may compromise her safety if you make it blatantly apparent that you are trying to get ex girlfriend back. If the person abusing her gets suspicious that someone is trying to steal her away, the situation may turn even worse. An abuser can be a control freak and be very jealous.

When trying to get ex girlfriend back, you need to think of her safety. If you see your ex girlfriend in trouble, you should try to help. When someone is in need, it is easy to turn away. Your own life may get messy for a little while, however a lot of good can come of it. If your attempts are successful, you will get ex girlfriend back and save her life too.

If you have been saying, "I still love my ex" then you need to know what you want to do. Residual love may be hanging on and that is perfectly natural. You shared special moments together and built up closeness. That closeness and the love you feel is not broken easily. Does the love that you still feel mean that you may want the one you love back?



What does it mean when you say, "I still love my ex?" When a person says "I still love my ex" that is actually a good sign that means that there truly was love at one point. That love is a gift that can't be easily taken from you. It is normal for love to still be there due to the many memories from your relationship. Many will be memories of good times. Because you may still feel love it does not necessarily mean that you should get back together. You should ask yourself,"I still love my ex, but do I want my ex back?" If you take the time and step back to think about it, you will be able to see if the two of you were meant to be.

If you find that you are saying,"I still love my ex" it may due to the lingering feelings of fondness and there should be no rush to go in any certain direction. You should go with the flow. One of two things will happen. You will either remain friends for a long time or drift apart. Being friends is something that few have and it's really quite special. Great friends are hard to find. If you are saying, "I still love my ex", and you really mean that you want to get back together with them, then you have some work to do. First you need to know if the other person has any interest in you still. As with the advice above, this should happen naturally. Do not push the issue one way or the other and you will be able to see if the feeling is mutual.

When both of you mutually agree to try again, you will need to be ready to work. If this was a failed marriage, you should seek a marriage counselor. It does not really matter what type of relationship that was failed, you should seek the advice of a relationship expert so that you can rebuild your relationship into a stronger union. It is obvious that mistakes were made and that the two of you were not capable of resolving them on your own. If you were already receiving counseling then change providers.

You will need a fresh start and should have help to make your relationship stronger. If you find that you are saying "Help! I still love my ex!" You do not need to panic. Let things take a natural course and then seek help to find the right path. Soon you will no longer be saying,"I still love my ex." Instead you will be saying "I am in love."

Many couples who strive to follow God's will and seek His guidance will use Christian marriage counseling services when they are faced with difficulties in their marriage. When a marriage is going through difficulty a marriage counselor can be good for any type of couple. If you are a Christian then it would be beneficial to seek marriage counseling from someone that has the same beliefs as you do. The problem with your marriage may be an inability to relate to one another. Or there could be more serious issues such as lying, pornography, or adultery.


For whatever reason, it is extremely important to seek the advice of a counselor so that you may help yourself to help your marriage. A secular marriage counselor may give good advice, however it may not be guidance that comes from the word of God. There are numerous choices in counseling that you could turn to before you end up divorced. The best way to avoid divorce is Christian marriage counseling. Most churches have family and marriage counselors on their staff and some may even have a counseling center. Many types of counseling services may be offered, but Christian marriage counseling is what you need. They will be able to help solve problems with your marriage and strengthen your marriage and your relationship with God.

A decent Christian marriage counseling program will be able to help you and your spouse become closer as well as draw both of you closer to God. With the help of the marriage counselor your priorities will become apparent once again, and as a couple you will be able to focus on the things that are important to both of you. If you are having problems in your marriage, it is very important that you not hesitate in seeking help. It will be harder to fix your problems, the longer you wait. This is not the time to be in denial. It is important to get your marriage back on track and Christian marriage counseling can help with that.

The most difficult thing for you will be convincing your spouse that counseling will help your troubled marriage. You may even have to seek the advice from a counselor on how to get your spouse to go to counseling sessions. Either way, there is a lot at risk. During counseling some issues may come up that are not comfortable to talk about, however facing the problem and talking about it will help. You may need to learn humility as you could be the source of some of the marriage issues. If you are a Christian and having marriage difficulties then a Christian marriage counseling program could be your saving grace or check out Dr. Baucom book on saving your marriage beginning today!

Just A Little Help

In looking back at the articles I’ve written I realize that it may appear that I assume a lot of the relationships out there are in trouble. Not so, most are just fine; maybe they need a little fine-tuning but in general they are great. So what can I say that can assist those relationships?

I am reminded of a quote by Leo Buscaglia, “Life is not a trip in itself. It is not a goal. It is a process. You get there step by step by step by step. And if every step is wondrous and every step is magical, that’s what life will be.” The same holds true for your relationship, it is a process and it must be taken a step at a time. If you make those steps wonderful and magical and full of love and excitement then your relationship and your life will be that also.

Start by living your life with zeal and with great expectations. Want the best from yourself and from your partner, you both deserve it. Dance in the kitchen, laugh in the dark, sing in the rain. Buscaglia says, “I won’t! That’s a dead end.” So try, do things different than you have, once in a while have dessert first.

Someone once said, “Sometimes we get so involved in the questions that we don’t live the answers.” At times we can get too analytical, too focused on doing it just right that we forget to live. My personal trainer once told me as I was straining and struggling to do just one more rep properly, to breath. She said that it would not help me to do the exercise properly and die because I quit breathing.

Love each other, love being together, love life. Karl Menniger said, “Love cures, the ones who receive love and the ones who give it.” Emerson has given us the way to solve our little mistakes when he said, “The remedy of all blunders, the cure of crime, is love.” Buscaglia said, “No one is too big for a hug. Everyone wants a hug. Everyone needs a hug.” Make sure you begin and end your days with a hug, tell each other how much you care and love one another.

Make it a habit to say how thankful you are for each other. Do the little things that say how grateful you are for your partner. Express your gratitude for kindness and caring to each other. Daily say thank you to each other. Sean Stephenson in his book Get Off Your “But” says, that “gratitude is simply focused appreciation. It is nearly impossible to be upset in a space of gratitude.“

Take care of each other, but also take care of yourself. A relationship is only as healthy as those in it. So deal with your stuff. Work out your emotional and spiritual issues. Strive to achieve a place of peace and harmony within yourself. Meditate, exercise, learn, teach and become what you have the potential to be.

The poet Gibran has said:
Sing and dance together and be joyous,
But let each one also be alone.
Even as the strings of a lute are alone
Though they quiver to the same music.


Dallas Munkholm, B.A., B.Com., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

The Power Of Acceptance

In the course of counseling couples we find that even when they come for help they don’t always want to fix their relationship.  The obvious reasons could be thinking things like, we don’t need a stranger knowing our private stuff, it is too embarrassing to talk about, we can do this on our own, it’s not that bad, I’m only here because s/he dragged me. But there are also less obvious reasons as well.

For some counseling is a last ditch “effort” before they cut out and run, so they can say, “I tried everything, I even went counseling and now I’m done.” This attitude has its root in selfishness and the main reason for divorce and relationship break-ups is selfishness. However, there are those who don’t really want to come because they are unsure about their relationship, themselves, about life in general. There may be an element of fear involved. Fear that they married the wrong person, fear that if things change their partner may leave or if things don’t change they may leave, fear of what the change do to them personally, fear that if their partner really knew them and what they were thinking it would blow them away.

In order for a relationship to function at its maximum potential both parties have to really know who they are inside, they have to be whole. Becoming a whole person may or may not be possible but the striving for that state has a terrific impact. It starts simply. Acceptance. You have to accept who you are and be comfortable, even happy with who you are. Accept the fact you are not perfect, you don’t have a size 2 figure or have biggest muscles on the block, but you are a perfectly working human being.  Jennifer Louden explains it this way, “I define comfort as self-acceptance. When we finally learn that self-care begins and ends with ourselves, we no longer demand sustenance and happiness from others.”

Accept the idea that it is okay not to be everything to your partner, that he or she is just fine on their own. That may be a little scary at first, if they are okay on their own then they may not need you. But think about and realize the freedom that gives each of you to be yourself. Accept that no matter how or what your partner is feeling, thinking or doing that does not determine who you are. You don’t have to feel, think or do the same in order to be a couple, in fact you will be a stronger couple if you allow and accept the idea that you are two different people—people who love one another and accept each other for who they really are.

“Acceptance is, in fact, the first step to successful action. If you don't fully accept a situation precisely the way it is, you will have difficulty changing it. Moreover, if you don't fully accept the situation, you will never really know if the situation should be changed.” Peter McWilliams, Life 101

This type of acceptance goes a long way to becoming a whole person, and a loving one.

Dallas Munkholm, B.A., B.Com., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

If We Are In Love, Why Does It Hurt So Much?

When we love someone we become vulnerable to hurt, it is true. But choosing not to love in order to protect our self from hurt offers a lonely existence.

Love hurts when we rely on our partner to make us happy or to prove to us that we are loveable. These positions inevitably lead to disappointment and hurt. Even if our partner was willing to constantly work to make us happy or to consistently try to convince us that we are loveable, unless we choose to be happy and we whole-heartedly believe that we are loveable, they will fail.

Love also hurts when it is not nourished. When we take each other for granted or fail to make our partner and our relationship a top priority in each other’s lives, our relationship will drain rather than feed us. Love hurts when trust is broken and our world comes crashing down on our heads. Betrayal and infidelity leave some of the deepest wounds.

A Spanish proverb says, “Where there is love there is pain.” It is because we care deeply for someone that we become vulnerable to being hurt. But the flip side is also true, love gives us the potential for shared joy. When you love someone, it is not always going to be smooth sailing. But if you make your love a priority and pull together instead of apart, then it is more likely you will make it safely to shore.

The Kenny Roger’s song The Gambler, says, “You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, Know when to walk away and know when to run.” The same concept can be applies to relationships. Some relationships even though they may be painful at times are worth saving. For some it may be time to fold, or end the relationship. If there is abuse involved, you may need to run rather than walk away.

Life is Short, Enjoy the Ride

Most of us have no idea how long we will be here on this planet. Consider, if you knew that today was your last day, would that change how you treat the people close to you? Would you be a little more careful to let them know that they are loved?

Be generous in your relationships. You never know how much time you have. There is no time for pettiness or grudges. Letting go of resentments frees you to enjoy life. Make yourself a promise that no matter what happens you will search for and find the silver lining or the blessing in disguise.

在天空蔚蓝雨后 means “the sky will be blue after raining.” Learning to accept and treasure the rain for the growth it brings to your life will make it easier to enjoy your ride through life. Try out the motto, “No complaints allowed.” Challenge yourself to have a complaint free day. Pay attention to how you feel and how many times you catch yourself wanting to complain.

Then take it one step further and turn complaints around and look for something positive. Instead of focusing on what is not good enough or what is lacking, focus on what it is that you can be grateful for. Increasing your feelings of gratitude is one of the fastest ways to increase your enjoyment of life.

True fulfillment comes not in the accumulation of more and more stuff, but in the connecting, loving and giving that builds solid relationships. Be generous, be kind, seek peace of mind.