At times it may seem as though your anger is justified and those around you are just too sensitive. It may even feel good to release your anger and vent. It might seem that you get the respect you deserve when you let your anger out. The problem is raging is more likely to produce fear and resentment rather than respect. Anger tends to short circuit the thinking part of our brains and hinder reason and logic. Uncontrolled anger can ruin your relationship, hurt your chances of success and leave a negative impression of you on those you encounter.


Anger is a healthy emotion and can help us push through our fear to defend others or ourselves. Anger is not the problem; the problem come when the words and behaviors we use in anger are out of control.

Consider the cost of explosive anger:

1. It hurts your opinion of yourself. Uncontrolled anger can lead to feelings of guilt and shame. It can lead to feeling a loss of control. The less you feel in control of yourself the more your self-esteem suffers.
2. It damages your mental health. Constant or frequently recurring anger will sap your energy and drain the joy from your life. Anger turned inward can result in depression; anger turned outward can increase your tendency to be verbally or otherwise abusive to those around you and greatly increase the stress in your life. You may also find it difficult to concentrate or make good decision when your anger is twisting and consuming your thoughts.
3. It damages your relationships. Anger and hostility destroys intimacy in personal relationships. Whether it is your partner, your children or your friends, they will be more guarded and afraid to express their true feelings. It makes it difficult for others to trust and respect you.
4. It damages your career. Verbally attacking customers, co-workers or managers may cost you your job. It will affect your reputation in the workplace and reduce the respect that others have for you.
5. It damages your health. Living on high alert, ready to attack, puts a great deal of stress on your body. There may be a tendency to smoke, drink or eat more when you are chronically angry. You may find that you have difficulty sleeping or relaxing and your immune system may suffer. You may become more susceptible to health problems such as high cholesterol, heart disease, diabetes or cancer.
6. It destroys your peace of mind. Choosing to hold on to resentment and anger takes away your peace of mind. It definitely interferes with your ability to enjoy life; to feel happiness or joy.

The cost of letting your anger control you is a steep price to pay. If you hear from others, that your anger is causing harm, it may be time to work toward taking back control of your life. The best way to take control of your life is to learn to control youself. Learn the skills and attitudes that allow you to control your anger before it controls you.


Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.T.C., C.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach
Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course
Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples
Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

Hi, this is Roland.

Looking for help with your relationship or marriage? Some feedback from a couples coach? If you are interested in counseling or coaching

Contact me at my Liveperson office. I'm generally around a couple of hours a day for live chat. Sundays and holidays too!

The first 3 minutes are free!



Just got a quick question about hours, one of my books, or if online marriage advice is right for you?  

Look in the right sidebar for my free chat customer service link.

If it says Got a Question, click here for instant answers, it means that I am in!!



Here's my 1 minute sound byte about The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage and my special offer of a free eBook as a token of my appreciation for a donation of any amount.




Hello everyone. These are two books that I think you should have on your shelf (or on your iPhone, computer, Android or Kindle).

The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage is my most popular book and it covers the basic important stuff like no other book. A great introduction and good for marrieds, singles, and people in long term and short term relationships. When issues arise, this book explains the why.

Putting the Forever Back in Love is a follow up to The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage.


 Putting the Forever Back in Love has advanced strategies. If you have been married for more than 10 years and your marriage is in trouble, this is the book you will want to read.

If you have kids and want to have some advanced insights and strategies for parenting, then Putting the Forever Back in Love is definitely going to be on your shipping list.


Now here is the good part!


 Remember that I have a long standing offer. You can get any one of my ebooks sent to you by email as a token of my appreciation when you make a donation of any amount.

Many people don't know that I am a volunteer. I buy the airtime and internet time in order to be there to help people. Sooooooooo, any donation (yes, even a small donation like $2 is really appreciated by me).

So to take advantage of this offer, get a free eBook, and help keep this blog going--all at the same time--just click here and choose a book. Then make a donation of any amount at safe and secure Paypal and you will get your gift eBook right away!!!

As soon as Paypal notifies me of your donation, I'll send an email asking you which book you would like. Then I send the eBook as a pdf attachment to an email so you can start reading right away.

Click here to preview and choose a book.  




Based on 25 years of counseling couples and answering questions on the radio. Roland tackles the tough questions with humor, discernment, and refreshing honesty. From the Garden of Eden to the 21st century, he’s got relationships covered.




Click here to preview the paperback edition at Amazon.com



"The perfect book for troubled couples with different type of problems   .  .   . I can assure it will be one of the better books I have ever read."
Amazon customer review of The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage 


"Roland, thank you so much for your book. .  .  . . The advice is very practical, and the book is filled with some beautiful spirituality too. I spent over a thousand dollars to register and fly to an out of town seminar  I could have saved the thousand and got your book instead."
Suzy - San Bernardino    

Putting the Forever Back in Love - Advanced Concepts in Relationship Building

Click here to preview at Amazon.com in Kindle edition

Get a free eBook and help keep this blog going--all at the same time--just click here and choose a book. then make a donation at safe and secure Paypal and you will get your gift eBook right away!!!   

You'll benefit from my 25 years of experience. Plus the books are a good read. 

You'll also  be saving up to 80% off retail price. 

When you send a donation to help keep this blog going, you are actually paying forward to help others. I frequently gives materials away free to people who can't afford anything. 

 From the desk of Roland.







I want to tell you about a lady with a great soul and who was a free spirit. Her name was Peace Pilgrim and she walked over 25,000 miles across America with a message of peace and love. She made friends everywhere and touched everyone's hearts and inspired everyone who met her.

Here's how I found out about this super lady.

A few months ago I went to the Goodwill Store on San Pablo Avenue in Oakland. I was enjoying some quiet time on a Sunday afternoon, browsing through their books, when a book leapt out and caught my attention. It was called Peace Pilgrim: her life and work in her own words. 

I bought the book and could not put it down.  I loved her integrity, her ideas, her philosophy, and her free spirit. 

I also found out that there is a website devoted to her. The movie about her is there to watch for free. 

Here is the link to the website dedicated to the life and work of this wonderful woman.

You can read the book there.  It has become a spiritual classic

Want to watch a good inspiring move?

Here is a documentary film about her life and ideas
Peace Pilgrim: an American Sage


 
"This is the way of peace:  Overcome evil with good,
  and falsehood with truth,  and hatred with love."

 




Please reach out to others. There are plenty of thoughtful people out there. And there are plenty of others who feel just like you. Reach out and help someone and you will discover that your blues are gone. 











Roland Trujillo, pastor and author of 18 books, has been helping people for over 25 years. Visit his 24/7 Self help Resource Center at commonsensecounseling.org

Teresa Tomeo had a stirring interview yesterday February 11 about the harm of violent pornography 
with Dr. Mary Anne Laden, one of the nation's foremost authorities on sexual trauma.
Please listen to the interview.

• Dr. Mary Anne Layden 
  
  Mary Anne Layden, PhD, is a psychotherapist and Director of Education at the Center for Cognitive Therapy at the University of Pennsylvania. She is the Director of the Sexual Trauma and Psychopathology Program and the Director of the Social Action Committee for Women's Psychological Health. She co-authored the book "Cognitive Therapy of Borderline Personality Disorder" with C. Newman, A. Freeman and S. Morse. She has written numerous chapters on Cognitive Therapy especially on treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder.
• Resources:
• • Article(s):
    • Ten Harms of Pornography(http://www.cwfa.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/CWABLI_TenHarms.pdf)
    • To everyone who thinks 50 Shades is all sorts of awesome: Please, stop and THINK(https://www.lifesitenews.com/blogs/to-the-christians-who-think-50-shades-is-all-sorts-of-awesome-please-stop-a)

I despise violence and particularly violence against women.


Here is some more information for parents of college students going off to college. There is said to be a culture of violence against women on some campuses nowadays which movies like this new one help to sustain.

I heard a great interview on FamilyLife Today on the radio. Dennis Rainey interviewed Mary Kassian. Her book Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild is a must read for every young lady and parents too. The interview was riveting. She emphasized the importance of setting pre established protective boundaries, so as to avoid getting into a compromising or unsafe place in the first place. She gives plenty of examples. Preview at Amazon Click here to listen to the interview.

Yesterday I heard another great interview on NPR Radio's On Point Program. If you have daughters (or sons) away at college or are contemplating sending them off to college, you must listen to this interview.

When you listen to this riveting interview you will hear from two ladies who have the stories, the facts, and the analysis that every parent with college age or soon to be college age kids will want to listen to.

For example, these ladies talk to college kids all across the country and here is what they repeatedly hear. They hear of violence and other bad things happening to women on campus. They also hear of hostile atmospheres that no one seems to be doing anything about.

For example, they said that the girls they talk to are telling them that when girls are walking around the campus they see boys looking at really heavy duty degrading things to women on their computers--openly, even in the common areas. They emphasized that this is not unusual or isolated, it is common.

One of the ladies made the comment that there is something wrong with the college culture when the morning after the night before, one person feels guilty and used and the other person is getting high fives.

Of course, every school will say they are taking it seriously, that there are policies and there are administrators and counselors and training, etc. But something doesn't add up. The statistics for violence on campuses, according to these ladies, are telling. Something is wrong. Best to become informed. Hear what these ladies and others have to say, and then make an informed decision.


I read a book by Campus psychiatrist, Dr. Miriam Grossman MD, entitled Unprotected, and it alerted me to think twice about just sending kids away and assuming that the level of care, protection, and supervision will be what you would want for your child.
Today you hear of many young people who are moving back in with their parents while going to college. Sounds like a good idea to me.

I've heard the argument made that letting kids come back home is coddling the kids, overprotecting them and so on. But you know what--if it means that your son or daughter is safe from being sexually assaulted or raped, then I'm in favor of kids staying safely with their parents a little longer.