If your man has dumped you or you fear that he might, then listen up!

As you may know, there are many books that sell advice to help get your man back, but these books really tick me off.

Why?


The problem is that most of these “get him back” books usually say things like, “just don't pursue him and he may eventually come back.” What kind of advice is that? Especially when you pay money for it! And worst of all, most of these books PROMISE they'll get your man back. How can they possibly promise a 100% success rate when there are 1000's of possible scenarios you could experience?

However, you'll be pleasantly surprised that yesterday I stumbled across a book that is both practical and honest in its advice towards getting him back. I give it my utmost recommendation.

Check it out here…

Christmas is such a magical time of the year.I don't know whether during this time it is the music,the chrismas tree and lights that makes it so magical.May be its just because most people grew up with the memories of so much love around them during this time of the year.May be because it is the time of the year that most adults become kids again.

What ever the reason i know it is not just a special period for me but for many.It is also a period when gifts are being exchanged between lovers.Although you know for sure that your lover is going to give you a gift you still can't wait to see what he/she will give you.

That period of waiting till i get my gift is usually for me the best time because it keeps me hopeful of the different type of gifts i might get.

You can take advantage of such a time like christmas and create some wonderful memories of love with you partner.For example Trimming and decorating a Chrismas tree can have a lot of wonderful and romantic memories. Here is a unique and creative idea and tradition Sunny shared about THE 12 DAY TREE.

Submitted by: Sunny

I have a small artificial Christmas tree that fits perfectly on the nightstand in my bedroom. I decorate it with tiny white lights (great mood lighting at night!) and hang 12 small pieces of paper that are rolled up and tied with a piece of gold ribbon. On each piece of paper I write a special message such as "one back rub" or "one long kiss" (you get the idea!).

My husband gets to take one message off the tree each night for the 12 nights before Christmas. I find that this is a great way to stay connected during the rush and stress of the season and reminds us to take a few moments to enjoy each other. You can get REAL creative with the messages and have a lot of fun redeeming them!!

This year I've included a couple small wrapped items for under the tree...a small bottle of oil and a scented candle are a couple of the things I've tucked under there. When my husband takes a message off the tree that says "pick a gift" he will have several to choose from.

Why not copy what sunny did and reignite your relationship while making memories that will last with your partner during this magical time of Christmas.

Do not forget to share with us some "101 Christmas Tree Romantic ideas" ideas of yours during this period in the comment box below.

At Christmas Give Your All

At this Christmas season we should give ourselves a present. We give money to the guys in Santa suits ring the bells in the mall, we give small secret Santa gifts at the office and most of us have our favorite charities we give too over the Christmas season. Our kids usually get spoiled rotten, even after we say they can’t have this or that. Parents, friends and family all get their little love gift from us and most of all; our partners get gifts from us.

We give out money, cards, gifts and love. By the time Christmas day rolls around we are so worn out and exhausted we can’t find anything else to give and we don’t have the energy to do it. Most of us have a list and we check it twice so that we don’t forget uncle John or great-aunt Edna. The paper-boy, the secretary, the teachers and the mailman all want their piece of us.

The TV is filled with advertisements showing big-eyed, starving children or under privileged families living on nothing and expecting us to help some more. This is all well and good but it can leave us tired, bewildered and cranky. So take some time out for you, and some time for your relationship.

What is it that makes you happy? Is there something you would like just for yourself, a massage, a nap or a long leisurely soak? What about for your partner and your relationship? You know it is not a selfish gesture to take some thing for yourself; in fact it is a smart thing to do. The more you feel relaxed, refreshed and rejuvenated the better others will feel around you.

The biggest piece of advice I can give you for your relationship is take some time together. Make plans for an intimate evening over the holidays, a quiet lunch or coffee. At all times just be there for each other, to listen, to commiserate, to validate. Be ready at times to put your plans on the back burner for the moment and just be with your partner. Thomas S Monson has said; “He who gives money, gives much; he who gives time, gives more, but he who gives of himself gives all.”

Be prepared to give your all this season to help make your partner feel cherished and loved.

Dallas Munkholm, B.A., B.Com., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

Don’t Do That! Demands in Relationships

In our relationships, how much of our time is spent telling others what not to do? Telling people not to do something does not help them know what they should be doing. What it does tend to do, is invite defensiveness and resistance.

Another chunk of our time is spent on telling others what to do—generally with no better results. Again what we get is defensiveness and resistance.

Think of what it is like to be told what to do or what not to do. How many of us respond well to demands? Trying to change or control others behavior tends to be a losing battle—and it often becomes a battle when their defensiveness sets off our defensiveness and so on.

This does not mean that you have to give up wanting your relationships to be better. What it does mean is that there is a better way to approach a partner, child, parent or friend.

The first thing to do is identify the need behind your demand. What is it about what they are doing or not doing that bothers you? Which of your needs is not being met? Is the need to feel safe, accepted, loved, important, or a need for variety?

Once you have identified the need, then your job is to self-soothe. Hang on to yourself and do your best to meet that need for yourself. Approve of, love, and accept yourself. Remember, no one can make you feel bad without your permission. Although it may not always seem like it, you choose how you feel and react.

The next step is to turn your complaint into a specific, positive request. Instead of saying, “Don’t do that,” you say, “Would you please do this.” If you have successfully self-soothed, this statement will feel like a request rather than a demand. Requests, especially those made when you feel at peace and good about yourself, are often much more successful in prompting relationship improvements.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

A Christmas gift for a lifetime.

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” Anne Frank

One of the best gifts a married couple can give each other is a change in focus. It is often our focus in the relationship that can cause pain, hurt, disagreements and miscommunications. As Joe Vitale teaches, what we focus on we get more of. Therefore the smart thing to do is focus on what we want in our relationship. Happiness. Joy. Friendship. Love.

If you have ever suffered, even a little bit, from depression you will know how physically draining it is. What needs to be understood is that being negative takes more energy than being positive. That may seem a little silly but it is true. You may have heard people say, “It takes more energy to frown than to smile,” and that too is true.

So what has this to do with a change in focus? As couples, the focus should be on the positive rather than the negative. This will infuse your relationship with energy. Couples should be looking for the positive things their partner does and what good things he or she brings to the relationship. Instead of finding fault they should be finding characteristics that are uplifting, fun, joyful, and happy or in other words look for the good.

This includes the disagreements that pop up every once in a while. How this works is that instead of beating each other over the head with the “you should have’s”, the “why didn’t you’s,” the “what did you do’s,” you should be supportive, be positive, and validate their experience. Try to be understanding and caring. Just an aside here; validating or understanding does not mean agreement. You can still disagree but you can also understand what and why your partner is feeling and be supportive by telling him/her that you can understand why s/he would feel like that. This type of behavior builds the relationship, while blaming, criticizing and denying tears the relationship down.

A great place to start is by asking your self, “What can I do to make my marriage a better place to be?” Ask the tough questions of yourself. Do I understand what my spouse is feeling and why? Can I give him/her a little support and encouragement if what s/he is doing is not what I would do? Then comes the really tough one and you need to be brutally honest with yourself. What do I bring to this disagreement, what signals is my partner picking up from me? Does s/he feel the love and support I want to give him/her?

A great place to work from is the certain knowledge that your partner loves and supports you in what you are doing. Trying to change your partner to meet your needs and expectations is like trying to eat soup with a fork. Frustrating. So shift the focus from me to us. The question becomes what can I do to make this marriage work instead of what is s/he doing wrong. Make your relationship solution oriented, rather than problem oriented. When a problem happens try looking for a way out that makes you both winners, because if one is winner then the other is a loser. Not Good. So look to the future in your relationship not the past.
Andy Warhol says, “They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” So for Christmas this year give your partner your new attitude and a big smile. It takes less energy.

Dallas Munkholm, B.A., B.Com., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

I have a friend of mine who has been telling me how the
law of attraction is helping him get what ever he wants.At first i was not interested in what he was saying until i got up one day not so long ago and decided i was going to research a little about this law of attraction and see how i can use it to improve a part in my relationship that was not working effectively as i wanted.

The wikipedia defines the law of attraction as "people's thoughts (both conscious and unconscious) dictate the reality of their lives, whether or not they're aware of it."Essentially what i understood is that if one thinks or duel on a particular thought and truly believe it's possible,that thought will become a reality.

So that in effect is that when one think of some thing positive he/she will definitely get that positive thing but putting a lot of attention and thought onto something you don't want or negative means you'll probably get that too.

That right there my friend is what caught my attention.Wouldn't it be cool if you need any thing all you do is think and believe in it and bingo you get it.Just like closing your eyes and make a wish and before you open it $$$.Well that was enough to push me go further with my research.So what i did next was i got a DVD called the Secret which duels more deeply about this law of attraction thing.

After watching this kind of a documentary i was really pumped up about this notion of asking the universe for what ever i want, which i like to look at now as asking my God what i want.So I decided to put it in action.What i did was i put an alarm tune(that's a tune of a laughing child)on my clock.

The next morning the alarm went off and this child (my alarm tune)was laughing non stop so i got up from my bed with my fiance all laughing too because we could not resist the fun of that Tune.Remembering why i put the tune in the first place i wished for a day of no problems what so ever.

You will not believe what happened to me, there are certain things that my fiance says that makes me a little angry with her but this morning was different she said it and it had no impact on me it was so OK.To cut the long story short it was one of those days that one says "Today was a great" day on the dinner table.

Actually things are getting better and better every day as i try to think all positive things about my relationship and though they are things i can deal with them, it is even better having it gone just by thinking it is not there any more.Just try to put this in action and you can come back here and share your experience by posting a comment in this blog.

If you have gone though the experience about how the law of attraction is improving your relationship do not leave with out sharing it here i will like to know what others thing about it all till next time take care and i wish you a happy day today as i do my self.

I was fooling around the net today and i came across this article by Trent Brownrigg and it kind of touched me personally 'cause i had gone through the feeling of how to tell my love how much i love her with out her thinking i am joke.knowing fully well that there are many people out there like me looking for ways to say those words IN A SPECIAL WAY. So i thought dropping this article will help us all to do what we always wanted to do and that is to say I LOVE YOU IN A SPECIAL WAY.
by: Trent Brownrigg


Remember the words from an old song...

"Be sure it's true when you say I love you, it's a sin to tell a lie".

The concept of "sin" has lost its meaning for many in our modern era, and even "love" has lost a significant portion of its importance.

If you still believe in "falling in love" then you will realize how difficult it is to say, "I love you" in a meaningful way. Three little words that can change your life forever. The words, themselves, have lost their meaning because of overuse, especially when it's not really true. Everybody says them, for many different reasons, even if they don't mean them.

However, when you really want tell your partner of your love it's such a hard decision to make for many reasons. Will your partner return your love? Will your partner simply accept your declaration with indifference? Will he or she feel threatened? It is such a common problem that even "The Seinfeld Show" had an episode on it.

So make it easy on yourself and plan the declaration so that as much as possible you eliminate the problems. The first step, of course, is to be certain you really are in love. If you so enjoy being with your partner that you want to be with him or her to the exclusion of all others, if you think of him or her every day when you are apart, you are probably in love. If you have even a small doubt you should wait a little longer.

If you are certain then plan a special occasion for it. Make it a significant moment in your life - one to remember with fondness for your whole life. Arrange an intimate dinner at your favorite restaurant and make it as romantic as you can. Give him or her a small gift because you love being with them, or you are so glad that you met them.

After dinner while holding your partner intimately gaze intently into their eyes and say, "I love you so much it hurts when we are apart. I hope that we can stay together forever".

Do not be disappointed if your partner does not return your declaration. They may not yet be ready and might need more time to state their feelings. Continue to share with your partner the highs and lows of your partner's life. Care for your partner's happiness and be on guard to protect his happiness.

Under no circumstances should you ever ask your partner, "Do you love me"?

About The Author

Trent Brownrigg

Are you so in love you could die right now and be truly happy? Do you have someone you want to share your feelings with? Find a Love Poem that expresses how you feel at http://www.sweet-love-poems.com.
http://www.ArticleCity.com/

Recommended sites

“Get Your Man Back”
“What Women REALLY Want”
“The Magic of making up”
“The #1 Relationship Collection”
“Never Fight Again”
“Guy Gets Girl”
“Get Her Back... for Good!”
“Drive Your Man WILD!”
“Dating Right &; Marry Well”
“Attract Any Woman!”
“Adult Toys Already in Your House”
“300 Date Ideas”

Recognizing you have a marriage problem is the first step along the road to transforming your marriage, and for most simply acknowledging there is a problem shatters the marriage myth. According to love stories, movies, and fairy tales we are supposed to live 'happily ever after'. But what happens when Snow White develops a drinking problem? What happens when Robin Hood's long working hours start affecting his marriage to Maid Marian? What happens when Cinderella says she has 'fallen out of love'?

We are taught in school how to do sums, how to read and recognize Shakespeare, and how to conduct scientific experiments, but what do we really know about the greatest social experiment of all, namely our ability to keep the love alive in our marriage?

The fact is we know surprisingly little, and from the moment we say "I do," we are literally flying by the seat of our pants. We don't get a manual or a textbook telling us how to get it right, so our marriage becomes an evolving set of experiments, learning and discovering more and more about ourselves and each other, and figuring out what works and what doesn't. Some say if we don't make mistakes we don't really learn, but what do those mistakes cost us, and is the cost too high for some couples?

That's why I have 3 ways to instantly transform your marriage. These are 3 things that you know will work and will help you get your marriage back on track. Let's call this your error-free way to redeem yourself and your marriage in the eyes of your partner and show them that you are committed to making positive changes in your marriage.

The first key to transforming your marriage is to stop looking at your issues on a case-by-case basis. Couples that try to solve arguments by going into the small details of every argument are never really going to deal with the big stuff. I'm talking about the issues that REALLY matter in your marriage, and the issues that keep coming up in every disagreement.

Spend too much time at work? Partner feeling unappreciated? Don't make love as much as you used to? Either of you feeling unfulfilled by your lifestyle or the relationship? Is the communication poor in your relationship? Does your need to always be right override the feelings of your partner? Spend less time worrying about the details and more time examining the issues and themes behind your arguments.

* The issue is your job. The theme behind this may be balance between work and home life.
* The issue is you not doing enough chores. The theme behind may be that you are being invited into making a greater contribution into coupledom.
* The issue is your partner being grumpy with you all the time. The theme is your partner needing to feel validated in the relationship

If you have a greater understanding of what the key themes are behind your marriage issues you are better able to develop effective solutions that will really make a difference.

The second key to transforming your relationship is to examine your beliefs about marriage. It's okay to not have the fairytale marriage. Even the best couples don't always get it right. But what makes the imperfections good or bad is how you choose as a couple to deal with it. When you disagree about something, do you sit down and talk about it, or is your first instinct to deny that there is a problem and hope that it will all go away?

You need to understand that it is okay to be imperfect. In fact, admitting this to yourself and your partner can be one of the most liberating actions you take in transforming your marriage. Admitting your imperfections exposes a vulnerability that can bring you closer together as you find ways to get some meaning out of your issues. Acknowledging that you do make mistakes can open the door to acknowledging that there is a better way to do things, and one of the lessons we are called into as a couple is finding that solution together. Make a list of things that you have learnt since you got married, and a list of areas that you as a couple can both improve on. Then try sharing that list with your partner and ask them to contribute their thoughts.

The third key to transforming your relationship is in recognizing the differences between men and women, and acknowledging the importance of both roles in the relationship. Just because your partner views something different to you doesn't make them wrong, and the same goes for you. There are often several interpretations of the truth, and the key to marriage success is in recognizing that women and men have key fundamental differences in the way they view things. For men, their view may be a much more task-oriented approach to fixing an issue, where a woman may focus more on the emotional process as you both navigate your way through marriage issues. While both approaches are different, with compromise they can both achieve the same result.

Write down 5 themes or issues. Then I want you to write down 5 task-oriented ways of trying to solve the situation. Then list 5 thoughts-based ways of communicating your way to a solution.

The first step to transforming your marriage is in transforming YOU. Being married can be scary enough, but having marriage problems and not knowing how to fix them can be paralyzing! All it takes is the ability to step outside your day-to-day issues and look at different ways of viewing your marriage. Every marriage problem invites you into growing and offers you and your partner the opportunity to learn.

Now it's up to you to take what you have learned and apply it to YOUR marriage. You too can have a fairytale marriage!

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Recommended sites

“Get Your Man Back”
“What Women REALLY Want”
“The Magic of making up”
“The #1 Relationship Collection”
“Never Fight Again”
“Guy Gets Girl”
“Get Her Back... for Good!”
“Drive Your Man WILD!”
“Dating Right &; Marry Well”
“Attract Any Woman!”
“Adult Toys Already in Your House”
“300 Date Ideas”

You will agree with me with me that most people married or still single really believe that “chemistry” or undying love for each other will keep them together forever.As it is commonly said "Love conquers all".

However ,with the growing number of divorces this days,it is most obvious that this isn’t the case.There for knowing a few secrets before getting married will only go a long way to keep most couples together long after tying that knot.

Having known that "love does NOT conquer all",here are some tips to help keep couples,keep that magic in their relationship.

* PRAISES;

You will not believe how powerful praising your partner can play in your relationship.Looking back in my own relationship i stop praising my wife as our relationship matured.This was mainly because i was assuming at that time that she already knows what i was thinking about her.

Actually a day should never go by with out you praising your partner.If you want to be loved and romanced by your sweetheart, love and romance them first. When
they're feeling loved, it is much easier to love in
return.

*REGULAR DATING

Most people thing dating is only for those who are getting to know each other.Well i am here to tell you it's for those who are in a relationship as well.Doing new,fresh and special things keeps a relationship alive.

There is some thing about dating that i can only express with a word "magic".That time you getting yourself prepared just to go out for a date and when you are actually on the date is magical.

You get naturally drawn close together during this time and above all you get to have more uninterrupted time to communicant on a deeper level.

*KEEPING IT REAL

Statistically it's been proven that couples who get married after a longer period of dating have a significantly lower rate of divorce than those who married after a short dating period.

Keep it real let it be natural what is the haste all about.Its not like your are scared if you wait one more month some thing drastic will happen and even if it does it was meant to be whether in marriage or not.

Asking someone for his or her hand in marriage on
the third date isn't romantic. It's gambling.

*UNDERSTANDING

Isn't it true that most couples that have problems always have this to say about the other person"I just don't understand him/her."

Make it your utmost priority to understand each
other 'inside-out' BEFORE you take that walk down
the aisle.

You don't need to be identical, but make an effort
to learn about the things that interest your
partner in life and you'll grow closer as a result.

*ASKING QUESTIONS

What affect most married couples in their relationship is the question they ask to each other and most importantly how they ask the questions.
One of the biggest reason marriages end in divorce is because couples fail to ask the right questions.

Spending quality time with your significant other,and asking each other the right but tough questions BEFORE or during marriage, you're much more likely to live happily ever after.


Michael Webb is the author of “1000 Questions For
Couples" the most comprehensive book of questions
that all couples should ask before getting married.
Covering lovemaking, religion, careers, money,
children & raising them, household work,
personalities, the future and much much more. To
learn more, visit:THIS LINK


Recommended sites

“Get Your Man Back”
“What Women REALLY Want”
“The Magic of making up”
“The #1 Relationship Collection”
“Never Fight Again”
“Guy Gets Girl”
“Get Her Back... for Good!”
“Drive Your Man WILD!”
“Dating Right &; Marry Well”
“Attract Any Woman!”
“Adult Toys Already in Your House”
“300 Date Ideas”

What affect most married couples in their relationship is the question they ask to each other and most importantly how they ask the questions.
One of the biggest reason marriages end in divorce is because couples fail to ask the right questions.

I once new this couple who got married and after a couple of months of getting married they got divorced.Do you know why they divorced?You would not believe this.

Most people divorce because of money, sex, or that one of them suddenly behaved differently after they got married. But that was not the case with this couple.

No they got divorce because one of them Really wanted children and the other did not.But they never talked about it before they got married!

Is that crazy or what!

You see looking at this sadly, scenarios like these are all too common.Most couples usually think that "Love will conquer all" and keep them together.But considering the divorce rate is almost 50%, and people let me say this is very unlikely.

I guess people think they'll be able to change
their spouses after marriage and everything will be
better. Wrong. If you fail to sit down and discuss
finances, religion, sex, housing, your future, and
other topics in great detail, you could end up with
nothing but argument after argument for the rest of
your days.

In fact in the end, if you both have different views, desires and goals in life, there’s no guarantee that chemistry or "I love you’s" will help you stay together.

Spending quality time with your significant other,and asking each other the right but tough questions BEFORE or during marriage, you're much more likely to live happily ever after.

If you want to ensure you live a life of 'happily ever after,' then do yourself a favor and read this book. All the details are at…
1000 Questions for Couples


Recommended sites

“Get Your Man Back”
“What Women REALLY Want”
“The Magic of making up”
“The #1 Relationship Collection”
“Never Fight Again”
“Guy Gets Girl”
“Get Her Back... for Good!”
“Drive Your Man WILD!”
“Dating Right &; Marry Well”
“Attract Any Woman!”
“Adult Toys Already in Your House”
“300 Date Ideas”

Some guys end up asking questions like"What can I do to get my ex girlfriend back" following a breakup. They start thinking and philosophizing about everything that they could have done differently. They go to the extent of making plans about writing an apology letter and other things that might just help them get their relationship back on track.

This usually ends up worsting the situation for one reason above all else:You can never really tell what the real reasons were behind a breakup.This is so because women become emotional and usually don't even know what caused the break up in the first place and they may not know what is making them feel the way they do. In many circumstances it is only harmful to lose all your energy trying to figure out what went wrong.

The first best thing to do to answer the question about "what can I do to get my ex girlfriend back" is to forget about the relationship totally for a while, putting your energy into something completely different. Go out for example,make friends, have fun, network, and forget about women as a whole. Set some realistic goals about expanding your repertoire when it comes to seduction and meeting people.

Give yourself a couple of months and make changes in your life. Take some time away from your ex and it will work magic.

The effect of such strategies like this, is that it will allow you to make gradual changes in your life. And thus how you perceive the subject of relationships. After couple of months, you may have a much better idea of how you want to proceed with your ex.

Do you really want her back in your life? Or are you ready to move on? Act accordingly. If you still want to get back together with her, it might be best to figure out how she is feeling about you.

Now is your chance to be a little more direct when it comes to getting your ex girlfriend back. You need to play strategically, however.It's not wise to simply beg her to get back with you, because this is not a good time to be emotional.

What you should be doing instead is playing things cool with your ex. If there has been a long time spent apart from her, she is probably missing you as badly as you are missing her. Play hard to get a little (don't over do it though) and show her that you are doing fine without her. This will inspire her to really rethink things out again.

If getting back together with your ex really is meant to be, now is the time when it will become apparent. Be careful how ever not to analyze things too much, because over analyzing may just prevent you from acting the right way when trying to figure out "what can I do to get my ex girlfriend back". Just take things slow and play them cool and you should be fine.


Recommended sites

“Get Your Man Back”
“What Women REALLY Want”
“The Magic of making up”
“The #1 Relationship Collection”
“Never Fight Again”
“Guy Gets Girl”
“Get Her Back... for Good!”
“Drive Your Man WILD!”
“Dating Right &; Marry Well”
“Attract Any Woman!”
“Adult Toys Already in Your House”
“300 Date Ideas”

The idea of a best position during lovemaking has been addressed by many authors in the past.If you have been following it you would have noticed that there are many different best positions.

It is a human behavior that is difficult to define since no two persons are the same or act and feel the same.Take for example different people sleep on their beds in different ways, some with their stomach on the bed others site-ways or on their backs.

Any way that an individual fines comfortable to position
him or her self will definitely regard that position as the best during lovemaking.

Looking at the average best position of must people during intercourse,you will come to notice however that the best positions for men and women are different.So take your time to find the best angles for the both of you, while using these positions.

The Best Position For Women To Climax           

The easiest position for a woman to climax is the reverse missionary because being on top she can control the  friction to her clitoris and/or G-spot.How ever myfriend Michael Web things other wise,he thinks most Women Prefer This One Thing Over Normal Intercourse. What is it? Click Here To Find Out how to go down on a woman and have her begging for more

The Best Position For Men To Orgasm

Practically every animal species utilizes the
rear-entry “doggy-style” position, so it is a
natural one for humans to enjoy, as well. Although
you won’t have face-to-face contact, there are many
benefits. It is great for guys because it gives
them full control.

Since the average time for a man to reach orgasm is between 1-3 minutes and a woman far much longer say 15 minutes, and the position most women prefare (reverse missionary)is very different as against the "doggy-style"position for men.

It is obvious here that because of this differences the best positions for making love will greatly differ with each couple.However there are other ways to go around this so both parties get what they want.

The best way to go around this is for the man to find the G-spot of his partner and start gently robbing on it with his finger until it is arouse this way the woman will also enjoy the "doggy-style"position.

Since this is one of the best positions for hitting her
G-spot ( in doggy position the penis will replace the finger's gently robbing of the spot )and allows you the man to fondle her breasts,stomach, clitoris, back, neck and other sensual spots. Even she can touch her clitoris in this position.Thus making lovemaking as magical as it was meant to be.

“Who Else Wants To Become A Sex God In Bed And Kill His Girlfriend or Wife With Pleasure ?”If You Answered "Yes" To The Above Question Read the Sex God Secrets to Discover These Secrets and Even Win  Free Sex Book Contest...

eBy Michael Webb

Are you frustrated that your relationship doesn’t
have the magic and romance that it once had?

You’re not alone.

Living with the same partner for a long time can
become stable and comfortable, and, as a result,
can also kill the spark that made your relationship
so special in the first place.

Here are some simple, fun and creative ideas to
reignite that magic:

1. SEND THEM A UNIQUE GIFT

Get a piece of paper and some crayons. Draw a
bright childlike picture with a smiley sun and two
stick figures holding hands. Add labels with your
two names pointing to the stick figures. Write ‘I
Love You’ inside a heart. Next get a large formal
envelope. Place your drawing inside and type up a
formal address label of your partner's workplace,
such as: “For the immediate and urgent attention
of: Rebecca Jones, Level 20, Collins & Smith
Solicitors, New York.” Mail it to your partner so
they receive it in the middle of a busy day.

2. BECOME KIDS AGAIN

If you are walking by a park, visit the swings and
give your partner a ride. This will often bring
back happy memories from their childhood.

3. FUN WITH WATER

On a hot summer’s day, buy two large water pistols
and take them to the beach with you. Pull them out
and throw one to your partner and then have a huge
water fight.

4. A MASSAGE WITH A TWIST

Buy a small, decorated cardboard box, a sheet of
colored tissue paper, some massage oil and a blank
card. Line the box with the tissue paper. Place the
massage oil in the box and write the following
message on the card: I know a great masseur. For an
appointment call: (Your Phone Number)

5. BRING BACK CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

Contact your partner's family and ask if there was
anything she always wanted when she was a little
girl. For example if she always wanted a porcelain
doll, buy one for her birthday. She will not only
appreciate the gift, but also the fact that you
were thoughtful enough to find out what she always
wanted. You can do this for your man too.

6. STARE AT THE CLOUDS

Drive into the country, find a grassy hill, and lie
with your partner and look up at the clouds.

7. WALK ALONG THE BEACH

Trace out the shape of a large love heart in the
sand. Sit inside the heart and cuddle your partner
as you watch the sun go down.

8. ORGANIZE A PICNIC ON A WARM SUMMER’S NIGHT

Spread a picnic blanket on the ground and get
together some snacks, chocolates and champagne. Lie
down on the blanket with your partner and gaze up
at the stars together.

9. SHOW YOU’RE GRATEFUL FOR YOUR PARTNER

Leave a long-stem rose where your partner will find
it, with a note on it saying: "Thank you for coming
into my life."

10. SPICE UP YOUR LOVEMAKING

Probably the most profound way to rekindle the
romance in your relationship is to spice up your
lovemaking. Surprise your partner with a little
gift after you make love, try a new position, learn
to give your partner a sensual massage before or
after, or just spend some time staring into each
other’s eyes and caressing their bare skin before
making love.

Many people underestimate the affect passionate and
intimate lovemaking has on a relationship. If you
spice it up, chances are you and your partner will
naturally do romantic things for each other. Why?
Because passionate lovemaking connects two people
in a meaningful and unexplainable way that nothing
else can.

About the Author:

Oprah Love Expert Michael Webb is the author of 500
Lovemaking Tips, a book full of ways to spice up
your lovemaking, adding more passion, pleasure and
intimacy to your experience. To read more, visit:
By Michael Webb

The most vital component of seduction is physical contact.That being the case i will say touching/physical contact is one of the vital components in any relationship dating.Before you can start kissing and/or sleeping with a girl,lover or your partner, you must first have a regular, healthy amount of touching that works both ways.Now the main problem is how to go about the touching/physical contact.Here you will discover some of the best ways to handle physical contacts.

It's almost impossible to successfully pick-up a girl or have a relationship dating experience without first establishing a basic level of physical contact.Most often men just “Go For It” and consequently end up making the girl/partner feel uncomfortable or even slightly violated because of their rushed attempt at physical closeness. Some men decide they don’t want to risk putting a girl/partner off, so they hold back any kind of touching or bodily contact thus consequently sending out a negative signal.So, let’s take a look at some of the basic rules or procedures that guide you through this awkward problem.

1.First impression at the point of meeting;

Most men thing any physical contact in any way when they first meet a girl is an absolute no-no.But that’s simply not true. To form a positive, strong first impression and create an immediate bond with a girl when you first introduce yourself or get talking, casually and gently touch the outside of her right arm while at the same time verbally expressing something.This is very OK for the girl because the outside of a woman’s arm is not intimate enough a place for the touch to feel strange or out-of-place, but at the same time it’s a clear-cut sign that you’re a personable, socially adept kind of guy.Go for it and you will see the difference.

2.‘Stealth Tactility’

when you randomly find yourself chatting to a woman you really like the look of, it’s important to keep up the physical contact. Doing so helps maintain the bond and rapport you’ve already created and also helps build it further.You can use something called ‘Stealth Tactility’ to do this.Stealth tactility involves making physical contact with the girl in a disguised way. For example, if she wants to go to the bar or bathroom but doesn’t know the way, you can use stealth tactility by placing your hand on her shoulder, drawing her in a little closer, swivelling both of your bodies round until you face in the right direction, then point past other people or obstacles with your other hand to where she needs to go.

3.‘Contact close’

Finally as the conversation runs to a close especially after swapping numbers or arranging to meet again it is very important to carry out what is called the ‘Contact close’.This is done by giving her a kiss on the cheek or a hug and a kiss. Many men think that the hard work’s been done once something’s been arranged for a later date, but making physical contact before you part with a girl is always a great way of ensuring she remembers you and really cannot wait to see you again.

Related topics;
Ugly? Bald? Fat? Who cares? - women will want you once you know this little secret

How To Get Your Ex Back Opening Move

Here you will find 7 powerful relationship dating techniques any person can use to improve his/her relationship. People in supportive, loving relationships are more likely to feel healthier, happier and satisfied with their lives and less likely to have mental or physical health problems.

Most people want to have a stable long-term relationship but the statistics show that it is difficult to achieve.One in three first marriages ends in divorce as do two in three second marriages. Recovery from a marital/relationship breakdown is usually slow.

1.Be a better listener;

Being a better listener in any relationship will greatly improve that relationship be it partnership,friendship or married couples.Most couples have problems and even break ups or divorce just because they hardly listen to each other.Truly listen from your heart without blame or being judgmental.

2. Asking the right Questions;

Asking questions will show the speaker that you have been following up.Ask meaningful and empowering questions. Do not seek to probe or make the other person defensive. Rather, aim to use questions as a means by which the speaker can begin to reach his or her own conclusions about the concerns or issues being raised.

3. Body Language;

Master your body language.Your partner will subconsciously pick up on your subtle signals through your body language.Positioning yourself during a discussion like trying to be in a relaxed position. Face the speaker .Be aware of other non-verbals: signs like, leaning forward when it is necessary, head nodding, smiling.

4. Be a lady/Gentleman by Keeping to your Promises;

If you promise to arrive at a certain time, ensure that you are indeed on time. If you promise to do something, likewise, ensure that you follow through and do it. It is imperative that you keep your promises. your partner must learn to trust you. Trust is formed in tiny ways: keeping a date, being honest, doing what you say you will do.

5. Center Of Attention;

Your partner must feel like the center of the universe. Focus all of your attention upon him/her.Every person loves to feel special but this is so much more than that, this is making him /her feel your every thought is centered around her. Make your partner know, while you are with him/her, no one else is as important.

6. When leaving for a private mission alone always leave with a Lasting Impressions;

You must have such an impact on your partner that he/she cannot help but remember you and think of you when you are not around. Leave with an impression so he or she will be wanting to spend more time in your presence.In short, you must be a vivifying breathe of fresh air in the relationship.

7.The power of Senses;

Making an impact upon each one of his or her senses. Wear an appealing fragrance, dress smartly and distinctly, talk to your partner with a nice tone of voice, hold his /her hand with care as if it were a priceless piece of porcelain.

If you follow these 7 relationship dating techniques, not only will you find it possible having a supportive, loving relationships,you will likely to feel healthier, happier and satisfied with your life and less likely to have mental or physical health problems.



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Syrup on the Table

In every relationship there are moments when we don’t feel particularly loving with our partner. Does this mean we are not “in love” with them? Of course not, it just means we are human and have our good days and our bad days. As human beings we are capable of deep committed loving relationships. Also, we are capable, at the same time, of feeling disconnected, upset, angry and frustrated with the person with whom we are in love. This seems to be a dichotomy, a serious one that can cause us pain in our relationships.

Not necessarily so. These two opposing feelings are on two different levels. One, the commitment, is deep within our psyche. It is fostered in a place where our sense of self, our sense of wonder, our sense of life is formed. The other is merely a surface level blip. This is like the syrup spilled on the dining room table, sticky but a little work and perseverance takes care of it. But if left to dry and get hard it becomes harder to remove and may leave a stain.

When life interferes with our relationships and causes those momentary irritations with each other it’s just like the syrup spill—immediate care should be taken to clean up the problem. The first step is to acknowledge that you love your partner and he or she is entitled to be out-of-sorts sometimes. They can have reactions to bad hair days just like anyone else, including your self.

When we accept our partners without strings or conditions we allow them to be themselves and to change if they desire change. If we see them as a person like ourselves with hopes, fears, dreams and goals we can see them in their entirety, their humanness. We can say that we make mistakes and so can they.

The trick is to not blame, ever. When we blame someone, then we have to find them blameworthy in order to justify our blame. So, back to step one, just accept what happened, happened. Try to understand what our partner did, felt, wants, needs or is trying to get with his or her actions. When we accept then it is easier to understand and forgive, step three, if necessary.

Talk to them and listen to what they are saying, not only with their mouths, but also with their body language. We know our partner quite well so it should be fairly simple to know when something is not quite right. Look behind the incident for reasons and causes. This step is crucial to cleaning up the syrup so there are no sticky stains left to deal with later. Never hold grudges, deal with the issue and put it to bed, don’t keep dragging it up.

Always remember that this is the person you love and want to be with, don’t let them become the “problem.” They are always themselves and never an object, which is what we make them when we call them stupid, jerk, dumb, bonehead or belittle and demean them. Always, always treat them with the respect and dignity you want to be treated with.

Finally, just remember what Gandhi said, “If you want change, be that change.” Love your partner; serve your partner, giving of yourself. How do we love each other? Through service, little acts of caring and thoughtfulness. Just keep in mind that we like syrup on our waffles and that it takes a little effort to not spill and make a mess.

Dallas Munkholm, B.A., B.Com., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

Guilt in Relationships

Guilt is a useful emotion if it is used rather than wallowed in. Guilt gives us valuable information. Healthy guilt means either we have done something that we should not have done or we have not done something that we should have done. This type of guilt, if it is used to motivate us to apologize and or learn from our mistakes can help us improve our relationships.

There is another kind of guilt that people pile on themselves when they have either accepted unrealistic expectations from others or they have unrealistic expectations of themselves. This type of guilt is used to prove that they are useless, worthless or otherwise horrible as a person. This guilt leads to shame, which saps people’s power and sense of self, it does not lead to self-improvement, but rather to continued discouragement.

Shame says, not that you have done something bad or wrong that needs correcting, but that you are bad or defective and there is nothing you can do about it. Unlike healthy guilt, shame does not tend to improve relationships. Instead shame tends to erode relationships. There is a real tendency to try and pass on the shame, to blame and criticize others to deflect the feelings of inadequacy from oneself.

Protect yourself by refusing to accept the shame that other’s try to put on you and by refusing to shame your self. Comments like, “If you had half a brain . . .” “A good wife/husband would never . . .” can be met with a simple “Thank you, I will think about that.” This kind of comment should stop the shamer in his/her tracks. Whether comments are shaming or not depends on more than the words used, it depends on the body language and tone of voice. But we all know what shame feels like.

If you find yourself feeling guilt or shame, stop and consider, “Is there something that I did or did not do that I ought to feel bad about?” If the answer is yes, then the next question is, “What can I do to remedy the situation?” Then take action based on what comes to mind. If the answer to the first question is, “No” then you can stop beating yourself up for something that does not belong to you. In a sense you can figuratively give the shame back to whomever it belongs.

The serenity prayer: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

Take time and make time.As little as it might seem we all need some time to get away from the hazards of this world and who will be the best person to spend the quality time out with,other than our partners.

Going out regularly with your partner or date alone,spending some quality time will lead to a healthy and prosperous relationship.Most people organise this time by starting off with a dinner and then going on to do something afterwards like ,going to the theatre, a concert, or dancing.

Everyone has a different idea of what they believe is
romantic. Dinner might be at a fine dining restaurant
and the two of you will get dressed up. Some people
consider a home cooked meal by candlelight dinner the
romantic way to dine on a date.

This can be the best way to go if you don’t have a lot
of money to go out but you want to do something
special. In addition, when you cook a meal for your
date there is more thought and effort put into it and
some people enjoy it much more than they do being
treated to a fine restaurant.

Regular relationship dating experiences like this gives you the opportunity to get to know your date on a more
personal level than when you are out with other
people.

It is during this time that some of the differences between you and your partner is being settled with love attention and intimacy.So take this with you as a power full tip that will take your relationship to the next level.


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How To Get Your Ex Back (Case Study #2)

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There are quite a good number of problems that occurs in a relationship dating but the most common, that relationships go through is that they are not communicating enough to each other.
Take your time and check out friends who are always together and are doing almost every thing together or your closest friends and you will see that the core of that friendship is communication.
Communication is the most important thing when you are in relationship or dating. Most problems occur because the two of you are having difficulty expressing your feelings or you aren’t being clear about what you want.
It is very important for you and your date or partner to discuss about what you need and want from your relationship so you both are satisfied and you are not having disagreements about things.
communication with each other will tell you and your partner how compatible you both are to each other.For example
Compatibility can be difficult if one person in the
relationship is needier than the other person. If one
of the people wants their space and the other is very
needy then it can make it difficult for dating.
so,when you both communicate with each other properly it
is clear to both of you if you are compatible and have
the same likes and dislikes.
You cannot force a relationship if the two of you are
too different or you have different goals for the
relationship.
If you are not comfortable communicating with your date
then you might just consider a good friendship.With out these two things there will always be in a relationship dating crises.




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How To Get Your Ex Back Opening Move



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How To Get Your Ex Back (Case Study #2)

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Using Emotional Intelligence To Strengthen Your Relationships

According to Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, there are five aspects of emotional intelligence.

• Self-Awareness or knowing your emotions
• Self-control or managing your emotions
• Self-direction or motivating yourself.
• Empathy or recognizing and understanding the emotions of others
• Interpersonal skills or managing relationships

To begin with we absolutely cannot be emotionally intelligent if we ignore, disregard, judge or stuff our emotions. Emotional intelligence involves welcoming, accepting, appreciating, and learning from our feelings. We understand that feelings are not good or bad, they are simply there to give us important information.

But accepting our feelings does not mean allowing them to overwhelm us. Emotional intelligence means finding ways to self-soothe and manage our emotions so that we are not overwhelmed and have our ability to reason high-jacked by our feelings.

Emotional intelligence means leaning to control our impulses and delay gratification so that we can motivate ourselves to move toward a goal. Self-motivation helps us over come doubt, fear and procrastination.

Being able to tune into the verbal and non-verbal cues that help us recognize feelings in others requires emotional intelligence. Empathy is a key-stone to healthy relationships.

Negotiation, conflict resolution and interpersonal skills are essential to emotional intelligence. The ability to get along well with others is a sign of emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence may come easier to some than others, but it is something that we can learn and improve. Strengthening ourselves in these five areas; self-awareness, self-control, self-direction, empathy, and interpersonal skills; will help us become more successful in our relationships and in everything that we do. As we gain emotional intelligence our relationships become more stable, peaceful and harmonious. We will have less stress in our life because we are managing our self and our relationships well.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

Who Says Life Has To Be Hard?

Having a sense of humor and playfulness are vital to the health of any relationship. The ability to see the lighter side of life, helps us to cope with difficulties and keep things in perspective. In your relationship, how often do you smile? Does your smile reach all the way to your eyes?

If your relationship lacks joy, humor, laughing and play, then it is time for some serious reinventing. Some people mistakenly believe that laughing and play are childish. However, a healthy sense of humor is an important part of maturity. Play is not just for children, it can help us to relax, improve our brain functioning, get our creative juices flowing and just make life more fun.

Give yourself permission to have fun. Make a list of things that are fun for you. If you struggle trying to make this list and you are having trouble coming up with ideas of what you enjoy, it is all the more important that you pay attention to you. What is it that makes you smile? When do you feel the most relaxed and happy? Answering questions like these may give you clues to your own personal fun list.

Playing and laughing together helps couples connect and creates a sense of intimacy that will help them weather the inevitable bumps in the road. Perhaps the couple that plays together, stays together.

Many times in life we can see the humor in difficult situations months or years after they have happened. A valuable skill to learn is to find a way to lighten the mood in the moment. Don’t take yourself or life too seriously. SMILE. It can make all the difference.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

Why You Need A Spine

Having a spine means respecting and honoring yourself. When you have a spine you know what you stand for, or what values are important to you and you don’t compromise your values or give up your self in order to please or pacify others.

You need to develop a spine, because no one else can do it for you. Others may at times stand up for you, but that doesn’t give you a spine. This is an inside job.

Developing a spine allows you to guard your integrity and integrity is a major component of self-esteem. If your opinion or behavior changes as your surroundings change you will be left with little or no sense of self. It takes confidence to state your opinion and stand up for yourself. Confident, assertive people generally have high self-esteem. However, behaving like you are confident and assertive can boost your self-esteem.

Don’t confuse standing up for yourself with being aggressive and mistreating others. It is important to be courteous to others as you stand on your own two feet.

Take a stand based on principle not preference. When you respect yourself you also respect others. People are entitled to have their own thoughts, opinions, beliefs and values. Just because someone does not agree with you does not make him or her wrong. They are just different. Learn to accept and enjoy the differences.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

Why Don't You Just Leave?

It seems a puzzle and so easy to judge from the outside looking in, why would someone stay in an abusive relationship?

Often abused women cannot see a way out. They know and understand that staying is dangerous and that there is a possibility they could end up dead. But they also feel that leaving is dangerous and that by leaving they could also end up dead. They feel trapped in a lose-lose situation.

There are four psychological stages that abused women go through:

1. Denial. She excuses her partner’s behavior and refuses to see that there is a problem. If she seeks medical attention, she will tell the health care workers that she was injured accidentally.

2. Shame. She sees and acknowledges that there is a problem, but she feels responsible for it. If only she could be more perfect, her partner wouldn’t have to hit her or treat her badly.

3. Clarity. She recognizes that no one deserves to be abused, even her. She stops blaming herself for her partner’s behavior. Although she is still hopeful that things will improve and is still committed to her relationship.

4. Accountability. She understands that the abuse cycle does not stop unless someone leaves or dies. She decides that she absolutely will not live this way and does what she needs to do to start a new life.

As friends, family and co-worker, remember that “Why don’t you just?” questions and “I would never” comments do not help. The reasons for staying are complicated and personal. Instead of questioning her sensibility; help her to build her confidence and self-esteem. Consider calling the police if you have the opportunity, rather than looking the other way, and then be there to offer support.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

Differences? No Problem

As in any relationship, marriages are subject to differences in opinions, ideas, style and just about anything else that is not DNA based. These differences will happen, discussions will arise over them, even heated arguments, but they are inevitable. They can make or break your relationship. Which it is, make or break, is up to you.

As we have stated before in this forum, conflict is not a bad thing, it is how we deal with it that makes it bad or good. Do we dig in and fight to the bitter end with no one giving in or do we discuss the issues, negotiate and settle on a win win solution. Or at least, a “nobody loses” ending. Whichever one you do it is within your power to determine the outcome of conflict within your relationship.

Fighting fair is a skill that every person in a significant relationship needs to master. No name calling, no raising voices to a scream, sticking to the issue at hand, treating each other with dignity and respect, taking necessary time outs, listening with the intention of solving the problem, being flexible and open to ideas and solutions other then your own, trying to put yourself in the other’s shoes and above all remember who the other person is, the one you chose to love; these tactics of engagement more often than not lead to a stronger and happier marriage.

So how do you develop these skills? Most of us have the intelligence and social skills to do the actual discussions and negotiations. The most important part in all this is your frame of mind and the position of your heart. In the book The Anatomy of Peace the Arbinger Institute teaches “You cannot be the agent of peace until your heart is a heart of peace.” The first step to fighting fair is personal, internal and vitally important. Where is your heart?

When we get into serious disagreements and fights with others, including those we love, we have to be careful how we view the other person. Do we, in our anger stop seeing them as human beings, as people, as a person of equal worth? Do we make them less than human; do we make objects out of them? When you call your wife a “nagging crone” or your husband an “inconsiderate jerk” they stop being human and become the label, an object.

When we objectify another human being we stop considering anything they say, think or do to be of value. How can we seriously consider their opinions or solutions when we don’t see them as another being? So the heart of peace is essential to any disagreement you have. Always, always consider how you are regarding your spouse in an argument. Don’t let a heart of war enter in and destroy you and your relationship.

Being at peace means you consider the other’s ideas, opinions and solutions as valuable as your own. You see them, the person, as having just as much worth as you do. Your consideration is that they can be happy and at peace and you will do anything in your power to make that happen, except for compromising your principles.

Take care of each other, cherish each other, love each other, learn from each other and teach each other. Remember this is the person you fell in love with and the one who you think makes you happy. Live life to the fullest extent; be generous, enthusiastic, excited and happy. Life is too short for anything else.

“No one is perfect until you fall in love with them.” unknown

Dallas Munkholm, B.A., B.Com., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

20 Essential Elements of a Healthy Relationship

1. Like and accept yourself and your partner. Acceptance is a powerful relationship strengthener.
2. Be honest with yourself and with each other. Broken trust, although not irreparable, does contribute a lot of relationship struggles.
3. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. As difficult as it may be to take down the walls, your relationship will be healthier when you allow yourself to be vulnerable. There is no intimacy without vulnerability.
4. Set you own boundaries and respect each other's personal boundaries. Just as good fences make good neighbors, healthy personal boundaries will strengthen your relationship.
5. Allow yourself to get in touch with and express a full range of emotions, including anger. Just remember when expressing anger to do so respectfully.
6. Recognize when you are feeling resentful and talk to your partner so that you can constructively deal with the issue. Be willing to admit your own weaknesses, be willing to apologize and admit when you are wrong.
7. Feel and express love, admiration and respect for your partner. Remember that loving feelings follow loving thoughts and actions more often than the other way around. Don’t wait to feeling loving to act loving.
8. Build your self-esteem. When you feel good about yourself, it will be so much easier to see what is good about your partner and your relationship. When you respect yourself, others will respect you also.
9. Regularly communicate from the depths of your soul. Heart to heart discussions should not end when courting ends, they should continue throughout your relationship.
10. Continually bond with your partner by spending time together, creating rituals and reminiscing. Daily rituals like a hug and kiss for good-bye and hello contribute to the richness of your relationship.
11. Play together. Continue having fun and laughing together. Don’t let the day-to-day grind push all the fun out of your life. Find ways to play and enjoy being together.
12. Have intensely emotional sex. These experiences will bond you together like nothing else can. Don’t settle for just routine sex all the time; find ways to really connect with each other before, during and after sex.
13. Be willing to address issues and negotiate solutions. Facing up to your problems in a mature way makes it possible to find ways to meet both of your needs.
14. Take responsibility for your own life and be supportive of your partner. You alone are responsible for your thoughts, feelings and actions.
15. Try new things together and on your own. This helps to add variety and interest to your life. Keep growing and learning as individuals and together.
16. Live in such a way that you make your relationship a great place to be. Be the kind of person that would have the kind of relationship you want
17. Be committed to your relationship and to each other. Commitment helps you to work together to weather the storms in your relationship. It is about how can we make this work, not should we get out.
18. Assume the best rather than the worst about your partner. Giving each other the benefit of the doubt can speed up the resolution of difficulties.
19. Choose to think win-win, rather than having to prove that you are right and your partner is wrong. Understand that everyone is entitled to his or her own opinions, thoughts and feelings.
20. Continually remind each other of your love. Let each other know through your words and actions that you do love each other.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

Dream Relationship or Nightmare

Have you created the relationship of your dreams or is your relationship a bit of a nightmare?

It may help to stop and consider what you have brought to your relationship in terms of expectation, attitudes and scripts. What was your parent’s marriage like? What about the relationships of other significant people in your life? Are those marriages examples of relationships that you would like to have? If not, then you may need to consciously choose and behave differently.

We are all influenced by the examples that we have seen in our lives. However, we are not predestined to create a marriage like that of our parents, but unless we consciously choose differently we are greatly affected by the scripts that we have learned over the years.

Often what feels “true” to us is not so much based on truth as it is based on our experiences and the beliefs that we have formed. What we expect from our partner, what we expect from our self and how we react in our relationship is determined to a great extend by these scripts from our younger years.

Your past can influence and even control your future if you let it. But you do not have to be run by the past, you can choose to live in the present and live for the future. But that means being willing to stop behaviors that are not working. It means finding new ways to approach old problems.

Change can be difficult. Sometimes people are just comfortable being miserable and change seems threatening, even if change may make things better. Better the hell you know than the one you don’t.

The great thing is that often the simple act of deciding that we must behave differently in our relationship will help us wake up to the destructive patterns we have been repeating. As we begin to “see” what we have been doing, we begin to have a choice to act, rather than just react as we always have.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine