Whether it is depression, unhappiness in marriage, postpartum blues, post traumatic stress, or chronic pain, there is an often overlooked and little understood factor, called resentment, that contributes to, reinforces, and prolongs negative emotions and a host of associated symptoms. Dr. Roland Trujillo has written extensively on this topic, on coping strategies and about taking positive steps to move forward. In this blog, he comments on resentment in marriage and how it exacerbates arguments and hurt feelings.


Josh and Kaitlin just had another big spat. This time the huge argument was over the toothpaste tube.

Last week they had a big argument over money. Two weeks ago the argument was over whether to have the window open or closed.

Each time she throws everything in his face. He clams up. Nothing is solved. Another layer is added to unfinished business and baggage from the past, which resurfaces the next time they argue.

To the untrained observer, it would appear that the issue was the toothpaste tube, money or the window. But to Dr. Roland Trujillo PhD, not so.

"The toothpaste tube is only the occasion for pent up hostility, suppressed angers and long standing unfinished business to burst forth."

Roland continues: "Here's the rest of the story. Josh comes home from work and sits down in front of the television. Kaitlin had been working all day and taking care of the kids. She feels unappreciated.

Josh can sense that she is angry about something, but he doesn't want to begin a conversation because he knows the dam will break and she will throw a long list of things in his face. So he avoids talking.

Josh stays home in the evening even though his friends want him to play cards with them. He is angry because she does not appreciate his sacrifice. Kaitlin complains that the repair he made in the bathroom is not working so she is going to have to call someone else to do it who knows what they are doing. Josh feels like she does not respect him.

Kaitlin wants to talk. She hopes the maybe when thy go to bed, they can talk like they used to. Josh falls asleep right away. Kaitlin feels unloved.

Kaitlin admits to her friend that she tends to throw everything at him all at once. He probably feels overwhelmed says her friend. I know, says Kaitlin, but I can't help it. I keep trying to get his attention."

And once she does, everything that she has been holding in comes out. Afterwards she feels guilty about it.

Josh tells his friends that he loves his wife, but "she is never satisfied with anything I do." "I'm always wrong."

Soon one or both of them are thinking: "I'm tired of arguing. I'm tired of not being appreciated. I'm tired of being the one who has to work on our marriage. I'm tired of always giving in for peace. We have nothing in common. The love is gone."

Here's the bottom line, says Roland. Kaitlin is resentful. And so is Josh. It is the resentment that causes the accumulation of hurt feelings and hostility. The accumulation of upset leads to either exploding in anger or suppressing and clamming up. Neither is healthy.

Resentment washes away reason. Resentment takes away the ability to be reasonable and calm. It leads to frustration and upset. These lead to discouragement, feeling tired, negative thinking, stress and physical symptoms that stress contributes to.

I can help, says Roland. By learning to let go of resentment, you stop feeding upset, frustration, bitterness, discouragement that contribute to further negative symptoms and feelings. It is also resentment that makes you feel empty, inferior, unfulfilled and unloved.

Roland's practical solutions are based in understanding. "I describe the why of what is happening. I talk about men and women, about how they are different and about how we can more easily appreciate our differences when the resentment factor is removed.

Understanding is the answer--when you become aware of what is really going on and see many good reasons for letting go of resentment, your new understanding will help you feel better and become more joyous and positive.

If your partner also develops understanding, then your relationship can become heaven on earth. If only you become more aware and mature in your understanding, you are still much better off because you will be able to deal gracefully with situations, and spare yourself the upset, frustration and emptiness you now feel.

Another thing, says Roland. Many people know they are resentful and want to give it up, but don't know how. I know how, and I show you.

Other people think that being more forgiving means giving in for peace. But I can show you that it is resentment and guilt that makes you keep quiet or give in now. I can show you how to let go of resentment, which frees you up to express yourself and speak up (without resentment).

What I teach should be common knowledge, but you can hardly get these insights anywhere else. Sure there are some good marriage and relationship programs or counseling. The seminar leaders, writer or counselor may be working with bits and pieces of the solution. But I have the whole and I put it all together. With others, you get some pieces of the jigsaw puzzle, but I can give yo the complete picture.

It is not for everyone though. Some people just want to hang onto resentment and judgment. And as long as they are unwilling to give them up, they are not ready for understanding. But when they are ready, my teachings are a God sent.

____________________

Hello, my name is Roland. I've been on the radio for almost 22 years, both secular stations and Christian stations around the country.

I get a lot of questions about relationships and marriage--probably most of the questions I get. A couple of years ago I wrote a book about marriage. It was excellent, but I wanted to take it to the next level.

I think that The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage really does fulfill my expectations. I wanted a book that is about marriage, and even though I am conservative and traditional, I wanted the book to be inclusive. And it is.

People who are in long term or short term relationships will enjoy and benefit from my book. I talk about some of the deep aspects of marriage, and I can explain why so many relationships have issues.

I also wanted at talk about dating and courtship (there is a difference), and why I favor courtship.

I wanted a book for ladies who are working on their relationship. But I also wanted it to be a book that men, especially thoughtful men who want to be good husbands and fathers, will feel comfortable with.

I wanted a book that is serious--a serious book about a serious and important topic. But I also wanted it to be fun--a good read--and even funny in parts.

Finally I wanted to write a book that can be read again and again. Each time getting some new insight. Or a book that a young man or lady who is just married, and issues develop, can reach for and turn to the chapter on the issue, and get some insights and solutions.

I believe that this is the book.

Your friend, Roland



Product Description

Why do couples argue? How can we put the sparkle back in our marriage? How can we communicate better? I’m a Christian but my boyfriend is not. What is the difference between courtship and casual dating? My wife asked me to leave. Why are men the way we are? What does my wife want? Can we reconcile? How about sex? My wife cheated on me –now what? Based on over 20 years of counseling couples and answering questions on the radio, this is the courtship, marriage and relationship repair handbook you have been waiting for. Roland tackles the tough questions with humor, discernment, and refreshing honesty. From the Garden of Eden to the 21st century, he’s got relationships covered.

About the Author

Roland Trujillo, lecturer, marriage coach, author, radio host, husband and dad, introduces his new comprehensive look at the delights, the challenges and the mysteries of marriage. For over 20 years, Roland has been helping couples repair their relationships and move forward to optimal living. Roland is now bringing his insights, based in compassion and spiritual principles, to a new level in this unique look at the perils, pitfalls, and promises of relationships.
Product Details

Paperback: 318 pages
ISBN-10: 1463663706
ISBN-13: 978-1463663704Here it is. The book you have been waiting for.


Written by Pastor Roland and based on 20 years of counseling and coaching couples

Purchase at Amazon.com in quality paperback for $14.95


Dr. Roland Trujillo MS, D. Pastoral Psych, BCPC is the author of 12 books and one of the wolrd's foremost experts on Christian mindfulness meditation for stress reduction and spiritual recovery

This is very common. A recent Wall Street Journal Article entitled Couples Therapy for One: to fix a marriage, some go alone says that when one partner is resisting counseling, 70% of the time it's the man.

But the good news, according to the article, which reports on a recently released long term study--when the woman goes to counseling alone, a year later most report improvement in the relationship. Women are good at learning new relationship skills and teaching the man.

The article begins with this important statement. Please take note. "Many couples in troubled marriages wait too long to get help. By the time both spouses agree to counseling, the relationship has often been strained to the breaking point."

I'm really glad that when one spouse (especially the woman) goes to counseling, there is often improvement (as long as the other side does want to improve the relationship, even though he is not going to counseling).


PLEASE watch this fantastic interview of Dr. John Gray by Lilou Mace. John is discussing his book Why Mars and Venus Collide. You'll love it. Great information for both people who are dating and people who are in a long term relationship too.







This is great information. Check out what other information Lilou Mace has and Dr. John Gray's books too.

Just don't forget to watch out for resentment. All the great information and relationship skills training that John Gray have for you won't do you any good if you are resentful. Let go of resentment and then the other stuff will be supercharged.

You can read 100 pages of my book The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage free online.

The benefit of reading my book, reading my articles, or consulting with me for some relationship coaching are

1. I am very experienced.
2. I help with the deepest aspect of a marriage relationship. There are other coaches who have some great communication tips and so on. But few understand the underlying reasons for why we argue or don't communicate well.
3. I am an expert on stress reduction and am a foremost expert on mindfulness meditation.
4. Low cost. You save money with me.
5. Convenience - you can talk or chat with me from the convenience of your home or office.

This is very common. A recent Wall Street Journal Article entitled Couples Therapy for One: to fix a marriage, some go alone by Elizabeth Bernstein says that when one partner is resisting counseling, 70% of the time it's the man.

But the good news, according to the article, which reports on a recently released long term study--when the woman goes to counseling alone, a year later most report improvement in the relationship. Women are good at learning new relationship skills and teaching the man.

The article begins with this important statement. Please take note. "Many couples in troubled marriages wait too long to get help. By the time both spouses agree to counseling, the relationship has often been strained to the breaking point."

I'm really glad that when one spouse (especially the woman) goes to counseling, there is often improvement (as long as the other side does want to improve the relationship, even though he is not going to counseling).


PLEASE watch this fantastic interview of Dr. John Gray by Lilou Mace. John is discussing his book Why Mars and Venus Collide. You'll love it. Great information for both people who are dating and people who are in a long term relationship too.







This is great information. Check out what other information Lilou Mace has and Dr. John Gray's books too.

Just don't forget to watch out for resentment. All the great information and relationship skills training that John Gray have for you won't do you any good if you are resentful. Let go of resentment and then the other stuff will be supercharged.

You can read 100 pages of my book The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage free online.

The benefit of reading my book, reading my articles, or consulting with me for some relationship coaching are

1. I am very experienced.
2. I help with the deepest aspect of a marriage relationship. There are other coaches who have some great communication tips and so on. But few understand the underlying reasons for why we argue or don't communicate well.
3. I am an expert on stress reduction and am a foremost expert on mindfulness meditation.
4. Low cost. You save money with me.
5. Convenience - you can talk or chat with me from the convenience of your home or office.

There's a joke about two husbands talking. One says to the other "My wife says I don't listen to her . . . . . . or something like that."

Wives complaining that their husband doesn't listen is one of the top 3 complaints that women bring to marriage counseling.

Whether it is lack of communication, arguing, depression, or unhappiness in marriage, there is an often overlooked and little understood factor, called resentment, that contributes to, reinforces, and prolongs negative emotions and a host of associated symptoms. Dr. Roland Trujillo PhD has written extensively on this topic, on coping strategies and about taking positive steps to move forward. In this blog, he comments on resentment in marriage and how it exacerbates arguments and hurt feelings.

There are some great educational resources about understanding each other's styles and practicing better listening skills. Dr. John Gray has some excellent do's and don'ts for the ladies to facilitate their husband being involved and listening. And he's got great tips for the men too, and he shows how not listening contributes to your wife's stress levels. If you like, you can write to me or send me an email and I can give you a couples of books or links to find the resources.

But I go a little deeper and help people recognize and let go of resentment. By now you probably realize that all the techniques and tips in the world won't help, no matter how good they are, if you are resentful.

Here's a little story to illustrate how resentment can hurt a relationship. The names are fictitious but the story is a common one, affecting couples all around the world.

Josh and Kaitlin just had another big argument. This time the huge spat was over the toothpaste tube.

Last week they had a big argument over money. Two weeks ago the argument was over whether to have the window open or closed.

Each time she throws everything in his face. He clams up. Nothing is solved. Another layer is added to unfinished business and baggage from the past, which resurfaces the next time they argue.

To the untrained observer, it would appear that the issue was the toothpaste tube, money or the
window. But to Dr. Roland Trujillo PhD, not so.


"The toothpaste tube is only the occasion for pent up hostility, suppressed angers and long standing unfinished business to burst forth."

Roland continues: "Here's the rest of the story. Josh comes home from work and sits down in front of the television. Kaitlin had been working all day and taking care of the kids. She feels unappreciated.

Josh can sense that she is angry about something, but he doesn't want to begin a conversation because he knows the dam will break and she will throw a long list of things in his face. So he avoids talking.

Josh stays home in the evening even though his friends want him to play cards with them. He is angry because she does not appreciate his sacrifice. Kaitlin complains that the repair he made in the bathroom is not working so she is going to have to call someone else to do it who knows what they are doing. Josh feels like she does not respect him.

Kaitlin wants to talk. She hopes the maybe when thy go to bed, they can talk like they used to. Josh falls asleep right away. Kaitlin feels unloved.

Kaitlin admits to her friend that she tends to throw everything at him all at once. He probably feels overwhelmed says her friend. I know, says Kaitlin, but I can't help it. I keep trying to get his attention."

And once she does, everything that she has been holding in comes out. Afterwards she feels guilty about it.

Josh tells his friends that he loves his wife, but "she is never satisfied with anything I do." "I'm always wrong."

Soon one or both of them are thinking: "I'm tired of arguing. I'm tired of not being appreciated. I'm tired of being the one who has to work on our marriage. I'm tired of always giving in for peace. We have nothing in common. The love is gone."

Here's the bottom line, says Roland. Kaitlin is resentful. And so is Josh. It is the resentment that causes the accumulation of hurt feelings and hostility. The accumulation of upset leads to either exploding in anger or suppressing and clamming up. Neither is healthy.

Resentment washes away reason. Resentment takes away the ability to be reasonable and calm. It leads to frustration and upset. These lead to discouragement, feeling tired, negative thinking, stress and physical symptoms that stress contributes to.

I can help, says Roland. By learning to let go of resentment, you stop upset, frustration, bitterness, discouragement and all the other negative emotional symptoms and feelings. It is also resentment that makes you feel empty.

Roland's practical solutions are based in understanding. "I describe the why of what is happening. I talk about men and women, about how they are different and about the common mistakes we make. Understanding is the answer. And when you become aware of what is really going on and see many good reasons for letting go of resentment, your new understanding will help you feel better and become more joyous and positive.

If your partner also develops understanding, then your relationship can become heaven on earth! If only you become more aware and mature in your understanding, you are still much better off because you will be able to deal gracefully with situations and spare yourself the upset, frustration and emptiness you now feel.

"Another thing," says Roland. "Many people know they are resentful and want to give it up, but don't know how. I know how, and I show you.


What I teach should be common knowledge, but you can hardly get these insights anywhere else. Sure there are some good marriage and relationship programs or counseling. The seminar leaders, writer or counselor may be working with bits and pieces of the solution. But I have the whole and I put it all together. With others, you get some pieces of the jigsaw puzzle, but I can give you the complete picture.


"Hello everyone. These are two books that I think you should have on your shelf (or on your
computer, Android or Kindle).

The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage is my most popular book and it covers the basic important stuff like no other book.

Putting the Forever Back in Love is a follow up to The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage.

 Putting the Forever Back in Love has advanced strategies. If you have been married for more than 10 years and your marriage is in trouble, this is the book you will want to read.

If you have kids and want to have some advanced insights and strategies for parenting, then Putting the Forever Back in Love is definitely going to be on your shipping list.


Now here is the good part!


 Remember that I have a long standing offer. You can get any one of my ebooks sent to you by email as a token of my appreciation when you make a donation of any amount.

Many people don't know that I am a volunteer. I buy the airtime and internet time in order to be there to help people. Soooooo, any donation (yes, even a small donation like $2 is really appreciated by me).

So to take advantage of this offer, get a free eBook, and help me out--all at the same time--just click here and choose a book. then make a donation at safe and secure Paypal and you will get your gift eBook right away!!!


Why do couples argue?
How can we put the sparkle back in our marriage?
How can we communicate better?
What is the difference between courtship and casual dating?
My wife asked me to leave.
Why are men the way we are?
What does my wife want?
Can we reconcile?
My wife cheated on me – now what?

Based on over 20 years of counseling couples and answering questions on the radio. Roland tackles the tough questions with humor, discernment, and refreshing honesty. From the Garden of Eden to the 21st century, he’s got relationships covered.







"Roland, thank you so much for your book. 
When I heard that you are a pastor, I hesitated to order it because I'm not into religion.  But because I wanted to learn more about why I can't stop resenting my husband so much, I went ahead and got the book. I'm so glad that I did. The advice is very practical, and the book is filled with some beautiful spirituality too. I spent over a thousand dollars to register and fly to an out of town seminar  I could have saved the thousand and got your book instead."  Suzy - San Bernardino    

It's like a relationships seminar in a box!

 

Putting the Forever Back in Love - Advanced Concepts in Relationship Building

 

Get a free eBook and help Roland--all at the same time--just click here and choose a book. then make a donation at safe and secure Paypal and you will get your gift eBook right away!!!   

You'll benefit from Dr. Roland's 25 years of experience. Plus his books are a good read. 

You'll also  be saving up to 80% off retail price. 

When you send a donation to help Roland, you are actually paying forward to help others. Roland volunteers his time to help others and he frequently gives materials away free to people who can't afford anything. 







 

Roland Trujillo, MS, D. Pastoral Psychology, is the author of 16 books. He is host of a radio advice program that currently airs in Southern California and around the country for 25 years.

In his new 350 page book Putting the Forever Back in Love Roland reveals little known secrets to marriage success.

PLEASE watch this fantastic interview of Dr. John Gray by Lilou Mace. John is discussing his book Why Mars and Venue Collide. You'll love it. Great information for both people who are dating and people who are in a long term relationship too.







This is great information. Check out what other information Lilou Mace has and Dr. John Gray's books too.

Just don't forget to watch out for resentment. All the great information and relationship skills training that John Gray have for you won't do you any good if you are resentful. Let go of resentment and then the other stuff will be supercharged.

You can read 100 pages of my book The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage free online.

I've been helping people deal with stress for 22 years. My radio advice program has aired in California and across the country for 22 years. I take the topic of learning to cope with stress very seriously. I am also committed to helping people with relationships and have written several books on family matters. I have a Doctorate in Pastoral Psychology and am one of thew world's foremost experts on Christian Mindfulness meditation.

Therefore, you should take note if I highly recommend something other than my own books or audio.

I wish to highly recommend that you watch this video where John Gray (author of Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus) discussing stress. Why women are under more stress today and what to do about it.

If you are a man and want to understand your partner better. If you are a woman who is under stress. If you are interested in improving your relationship, please do yourself a big favor and take the time to watch this.

And while you are here, be sure to preview my book The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage and check out our services.

Your friend,
Roland

John Gray: Why Mars and Venus Collide from Book Passage on FORA.tv

Get My Husband and I Argue All the Time - time tested truths for healing relationships for only one dollar.

"I wrote this classic book several years ago, and it is still one of my favorites," says Dr. Roland Trujillo, author and host of a radio advice program.

The book has undergone a make over a couple of times, and now is incorporated into The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage.

But My Husband and I Argue All the Time is a classic and will someday be a collector's item because it was Dr. Trujillo's first relationships book.

"I've decided to offer the eBook edition for only $1. Just click on the donate button in the right sidebar and donate $1 (using safe, secure Paypal) and I will send you a pdf of the book as an email attachment. It's that simple. "

Why do we argue? Why is my husband so quiet? Does divorce affect the kids? Can we reconcile? Why does my wife give me such a hard time? How can I forgive and forget? These are just a few of the topics discussed.

.
Table of Contents

 My Husband and I Argue All the Time 10
How to Forgive and Forget 24
A Deeper Look Into Relationship Dynamics 28
Just How Important is Dad? 46
Men, Straighten Up and Fly Right 51
Are There No More Good Men Left 56
Can I Reconcile with My Husband, Wife, or Child? 60
How Do I Become More Forgiving? 64
Is Food Your Secret Lover and Enabler? 67
Coach Roland Talks to Husbands and Dads 72
Dealing with Hard Times 87
My People Perish For Lack of Knowledge 92
Good Dads and Fathers – We Need Them More than Ever 96
A Listener Asks 99
Adam and Eve: The First Dysfunctional Family 105
Ego Problems 113
Recovery: Finding the Way Back from Naughty to Natural to Innocence 122
Coping with Manipulative and Controlling People 136
Change and Its Defense 141
My Son Doesn’t Listen to Me 166
Advice to Divorced Moms 171
Restoring Order in the Home and Nation Via a Change of Heart 178

Get My Husband and I Argue All the Time - time tested truths for healing relationships for only one dollar.

"I wrote this book several years ago, and it is still one of my favorites," says Dr. Roland Trujillo, author and host of a radio advice program.

The book has undergone a make over a couple of times, and now is incorporated into The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage.

 My Husband and I Argue All the Time is an in depth look at why we argue and why marriages fail.

"I've decided to offer the eBook edition for only $1. Just click on the donate button in the right sidebar and donate $1 (using safe, secure Paypal) and I will send you a pdf of the book as an email attachment. It's that simple. "


Special Update 2013: Putting the Forever Back in Love, my new book with advanced concepts in relationship building is now available. And newly updated too!

Plus a bonus section with strategies and insights for parents, parents to be, and adult children from dysfunctional families

 

Preview free now at Scribd.com

Hi, everyone. I have long wanted to write another book for the many people who visit this blog. The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage: Making Relationships Work is, of course, my most popular book and people have told me how it has helped them.

But I have long wanted to write another book about some of the difficult issues that people come here looking for answers for.

I am pleased to announce that I just finished the final edit of my new book. It should be on Amazon.com soon.

But you don't have to wait until it is on Amazon. You can get the book right now and start reading it today.

For a suggested donation of $5.00 or more, I will send you the eBook in pdf as a token of my appreciation. I will send it attached to an email right away.

Just click here and make a donation at safe and secure Paypal.

As soon as I am notified by Paypal, I will send you an email asking which ebook you would like. Just say Putting the Forever back in Love. I'll send it by email right away.  

Putting the Forever Back in Love - Advanced Concepts in Relationship Building

It is 353 pages, and the kind of information you will not get anywhere else. I know you are going to like it.

Putting the Forever Back in Love is only available at Scribd.com 

or directly from me for a donation of any amount. It is not available anywhere else.