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Here is an letter written by someone who gets it. He overcame anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder. In this letter, he comments on the verse from the Psalms and then tells of his recovery journey. He gave me permission to share his letter but asked that I only use his first name, Michael. I hope someone will be inspired to give our free spiritual meditation a try. All I can say is "Thanks, Mike." Roland

Hello, my name is Michael.

I love this verse from the Psalms.

He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.
Psalm 112:7 (English Standard Version).

It sounds good, doesn't it? But the question is: how do you get to where you have such a firm heart and settled spirit?

It took me a long time to get to where I could understand and say something about having a firm heart and settled spirit. I was Mr. Jellyfish.

But here’s the good news: if I can do it, anyone can do it. It took me 40 years, but that was because it took 40 years for me to get to the point where I was ready. Once you’re ready, recovery can begin in a heartbeat.

And it doesn’t have to take 40 years to be ready. You can be ready in this instant regardless of your age, if your heart is pure and you are sincere.

Here's my story. Let's begin with a few thoughts about anxiety and some observations about life and how I started to recover. . . .


You will also discover that kindness, fortitude, endurance, graciousness, and patience are ready to unfold when you let go of resentment.

We tend to resent the type of circumstances where we looked bad or failed in the past. If you can learn to approach the new circumstance without resentment, then experience the anxiety (without resenting it), you will be then free to meet the moment with some aplomb. Now having met the moment properly, you will be able to meet the next one ever more easily and without resentment. Anxiety will diminish.

You will discover that there is joy and a sense of triumph in meeting a moment properly. Even if you don't "win" or handle it perfectly, there is joy in meeting it without resentment and with a certain amount of dignity. . . .


But as time went by (as years went by) I learned to fail less. And I also learned to react badly less to my failings. In other words, I began to grow up, and I'm still growing up.

When I was 10, 15, 20, 30 years old, did I have anxiety? Of course. Did I get depressed? Of course.

When my parents got divorced, it bothered me. When my dad died, it made me sad. When my parakeet died, I felt bad. What was I supposed to do, be happy about these things? I grieved and felt hurt and then I got over it.

When I was a little kid, did I go through a spell where I had to do a ritual of counting numbers or arrange my shoes perfectly at night or else "something really bad would happen?" Of course. Then I grew out of it.

When I was in college, was I high and hyper when something good happened and stayed up till dawn talking to my friends? Then did I crash when a bunch of things went wrong? Naturally.

When I was in my 20's did I wonder who I was and if there was a future for me? Did I mess up, and make mistakes? Sure.

And then did something try to tell me I was "worthless" and that "the world would be better off without me?" Of course.

When I was 30 and sitting in a lonely apartment in the outskirts of Chicago, with the snow coming down and nowhere to go and wishing I were back in California, did I feel depressed? Of course.

But here I am. I got through.

My recovery was two part. First it was just growing out of issues. It seems like each stage of our life--little kid, big kid, teenager, college age, 20's, 30's--there are some typical issues to deal with. The old expression "time heals all wounds" definitely applies. Somehow I just grew out of things.

This brings me to part two of my recovery program. I told you about part one, where I got through the various typical issues I faced at different stages. But then came the life changing, game changing discovery. I took me four decades to get to the point where I was ready. But when I was finally ready, it happened in a heartbeat and within a few days I was a new person.

I'll tell you about it in Part Two

Michael

___________________
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Mike's Story “How I overcame depression,
bipolar, OCD, anxiety and other
issues without drugs”

is now available in eBook to download to your computer, read online, or download to your mobile device right now!


Mike’s Story “How I overcame depression,
bipolar, OCD, anxiety and other
issues without drugs.” is the powerful personal testimony of someone
who overcame mental health and other issues and went on to
enjoy a successful, productive life.

Mike tells you about his childhood:

the traumas,
the obsessions
and compulsions,
his shyness and bipolar.
Mike tells you about his twenties: the
depression, the doubts and the fears.

You will hear him talk about how Zorro and Colombo helped him get through.

You’ll find out what the Zen Master said.

You’ll read about Mike’s close call with Dr. Rough Handling.

Mike loves to philosophize about life, love,

and he likes Frank Sinatra too.

For each stage of his life he reveals how he moved on and left the issues behind.

Mike saves the best for last:

How he found his
spiritual roots with the help of meditation,
a change of heart,
and a hug and a kick in the pants from God.


Preview at Amazon.com now


Roland Trujillo, pastor, mentor and spiritual
director, is the author of 12 books. His popular self
help radio program has aired on both secular and
Christian radio stations around the country for 22
years.

“I love helping people improve their
relationships, overcome personal issues and find
their spiritual roots. People get stuck, and they need
someone who thinks outside the box to help
them look at life with fresh eyes.

People are resilient and can make progress in a very short amount of time.
Sometimes all it takes is an insight or two,
a little meditation to get centered, and knowing that there is someone
who has love, and who both understands
and can help. That’s all.


Preview eBook at Scribd.com

Preview at Amazon.com

Mathematical Relationships

“Build. Create. Live well, laugh often, love much. It needn’t be a fight all the time.”
Martin Caidin

This advice is the best advice for loving relationships. In our relationships, when things are going well, we usually just drift along, not doing much different; we are content with the status quo. When the relationship starts to go sideways we just fight about every little thing that bothers us, we still are content with the status quo.

Paul McKenna, author of Change Your Life in Seven Days, says that if you want your life to be different you need to do different, say and think different; otherwise we get the status quo. In order for a relationship to truly change and change for the better we need a plan of attack. An idea of what we want and how to achieve that ideal.

There is a need to build the trust between the two partners, where each feels secure and honored in the relationship. Doing this is very simple, two words: “Don’t lie.” Honesty is always, always the best policy. Lying to save some trouble only creates more trouble. There is no such thing as a little lie; it is just a lie, not the truth, a fib or whatever you want to call it. Bottom line is that it is a lie.



Relationships are place to create the life you want. Ask yourself what it is you want from life, from your relationship? Be creative, shoot for the moon if that is what you want, just trust yourself and your feelings about what it is you are seeking. Dream large, it is the large dreams that create change.

The most important part of this is the next line in the quote, to live well, laugh and love. Life is not about the end result. Even if you know exactly what it is you want out of life you will be happiest working at achieving it, not reaching it. Enjoy your time living your life, laughing and having fun. Loving each other with a powerful thirst for love and life. Creating a life worth living, not just plugging away, building up treasures in heaven; but enjoy that little piece of heaven right now.

The secret to a long lasting happy relationship is mathematical. A ratio: five to one. That is it, very simple, five positive and good things done for every one negative thing that happens between the two of you. So does that mean no fighting, no disagreements, no being upset, of course not. It means that all couple do those things, they fight, they argue, they disagree, often disagreeably, they do get upset. The secret is that for each of those types of engagements there is at least five good things happening within that relationship.

They are anxiously engaged in a good work, that good work is building and enjoying a great relationship. They trust each other, accept each other as they are, they forgive, forget and let things go. Little things stay little things and bigger things are dealt with thus, when there is a blow out it is not relationship shaking. Having fun together is the best way to build up the five good things.

Enjoy each other, each other’s company, do things together, like work together, play together, cry together. Life has enough troubles and trials without out partner becoming one of them. One of the best ways to build up your relationship is to face life as a team. You will say you know what that means and you do that, but do you really.

In a fight does your partner become the problem, the thing, the object of your anger? That is not the sign of a team. What needs to happen is that the focus comes off the other person and switches to the real problem. The scenario looks like this; the two of you are sitting together, side by side and the problem is out in front of you. It is now not “you are the problem” but “we have a problem.” And now “we” can solve it.

Five to One. Remember it. Practice it.

Dallas Munkholm, B.A., B.Com., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

The song says love and marriage
Go together
Like a horse and carriage.
If so, why is marriage so disparaged?

A marriage of two selfish people
Will not be good
When both partners brood.
Even if the wedding was under a steeple.

But don't worry,
And don't be in a hurry.
We're all a bit selfish before we grow,
That's what lifelong learning is for.

So if you feel there is something missing,
Start by being more forgiving.

No one is perfect, least of all you.
He chose you, but you chose him too.

You knew he wasn't perfect way back then,
And now you want to start all over again?
Think a new partner will be any better?
You'll say Swiss and he'll say cheddar.

"Mirror, mirror, square or round,
Who's the fairest one in town?"
It isn't you, and you know it's true,
If you are resentful and wear a frown. "

But I'm always nice and helpful as can be.
I'm always doing for others,
I'm busy, busy, busy."
Yes, but under all your doing,
Resentment is stewing.

When you go the extra mile,
You secretly judge others for not appreciating you.
While on the surface you wore a smile,
Underneath your resentment grew.

To make unhappiness go away
And start feeling better today,
Roland says here's how to start--
Better to wear a smile on your heart,
than a smile on your face
For everyone in town.

Don't be like the circus clown
Who smiles but is secretly wearing a frown.

When you are smiling inside
You won't even remember why you cried.

To forgive is to forget
You're asking how to forgive, I bet.

The answer is easy:
Just remember to no longer resent
And you'll wonder where the bitterness went
When you remember to be more forgiving.

There won't be any misgiving,
And you'll give thanksgiving
For the joy you will be feeling.
No more tired and blue,
And your husband will notice it too.

A Look In The Mirror

The foundation of all good relationships if the relationship that you have with yourself. It is time to take stock of your relationship with you. You can begin by noticing your daily habits and whether they are nourishing you or draining you. How do you feel about you? How well do you take care of yourself?

Rate your self-care:

Physically – Do I exercise at least three times a week? Do I eat healthy food and drink enough water? Do I get enough sleep? Is my space organized and clutter free?

Emotionally – Do I have healthy ways to reduce my stress level? Am I living in and enjoying the present? Do I speak positively to myself? Have I worked through my personal and family issues in therapy if necessary?

Intellectually – Am I continuing to learn and grow? Do I find ways to challenge and stretch myself intellectually?

Spiritually – Am I aligned with positive so that I will attract positive into my life? Do I worship as I choose? Do I have something wonderful to look forward to each day? Do I practice gratitude?

Socially – Do I live in a nurturing home environment? Do I have a support network I can depend on?

Appearance – Do I take care of and respect my body? Do I wear clothes that flatter me? Do I smile often?

Integrity – Do I say no when I mean no and yes when I mean yes? Am I firm and stick to my personal standards? Do I only make promises that I am willing to keep?

Time Management – Do I have a relaxing daily routines? Do I find time to do what I most want to do, not just what I should or have to do?

Rating your self care is not intended to make you feel bad. It is intended to make you aware of areas where you may need to improve. Make and keep a promise to yourself to be more diligent in taking care of yourself. Remember that self care is not selfishness. Although sacrifice is an important part of loving relationships, we cannot have great relationships if we sacrifice who we are in the process. Nourish yourself with positive thoughts; practice acceptance and gratitude within yourself. When you have a great relationship with yourself, your relationships with others will improve.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C., C.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

Unconditional Love

"Sometimes love blinds us, other times it let’s us see." Paulo Coelho.

When we first go to look at a house that we are interested in buying we seldom see all the problems with the house. We see how cute it is, mostly that means small, how charming it seems, usually older and dated, or how wonderful the yard is, we’re not really looking at the house as it is, it takes some time and space from the blurred vision of excitement and hope in order for us to see the house in reality. After some time in the house we can easily point out the faults; it is a small older house that needs major upgrades and a lot of work. Yet we still stay in the house and work on it; we need to be able to do the same for our relationships.


In the above quote we are usually blinded for the first blush of the relationship. We see how cute she is when she talks to us in a baby voice and how funny it is that he wanders around on Saturday morning till noon in his underwear; these things are endearing to us, but five years and a child and a lifetime later these turn out to be not so funny or cute. They have become major resentments and for at least half of us, according to the latest statistics, unlike our house don’t stay in the relationship.

At those times when things are great we forget about our partner’s faults, wrinkles, and irritants, they don’t matter. However, when things are not so great, perhaps not even good those same faults, wrinkles and irritants become major stumbling blocks. Is this unconditional love? Well if you still love them and don’t try to force them to change yes, it is unconditional love; but most people don’t react like this, they push for changes, in a sense they are saying you need to change in order for me go love you.

When we can still see the lovely and cute sweetheart through those irritants, wrinkles and faults, when we accept that our lover is not perfect, not in bed, the kitchen or anywhere and we still can find that cutesy lover there; then the second half of the quote is true; “other times it lets us see.” True love is like truth, it just is. There is no bounds, no rules, no exceptions or times when it’s not true; it is always true. Loving our partner when they are not at their best is unconditional love.

There are four types of love. The first is as a baby loves; we all think babies are wonderful and cute. Babies love you and are happy when they get their way, get what they need; yet if they don’t there is usually a lot of crying and screaming and unpleasantness. Second, this is the horse trading kind of love. We each give fifty per cent and we make darn sure that our partner gives their fifty per cent or else we withhold our love. This is sort of you give me this and I’ll do this and that, not very satisfying. It is the third level of love we want you to be at.

This is where no matter what, no matter what our partner is saying, doing or not saying or doing we love them. There is no withholding of love to spite our lover, no withdrawing to punish them for something; there is just love. We love our partners no matter what, without any conditions or strings. This is the first part of the quote again, “sometimes love blinds us.”

If you wish to have a happy and successful relationship then there needs to be complete and total acceptance of each other. TOTAL. No withholding just a little because our feelings are hurt, no not speaking to, no withdrawal, no “I’m not sleeping with until…” all of this indicates conditions and strings and a great deal of immaturity. The third level of love is very attainable, in fact if you look at most successful relationships you will see it in action. This type of love requires us to be grown up, mature and somewhat self-reliant and self-assured. Takes some work and effort but totally worth it.

The fourth type of love is the Gandhi’s of the world. The Dalai Lama’s, the Jesus Christ’s and the Mother Teresa’s, people who love people just because they live. Most people never really get here consistently, we can jump up and do it once in a while, but not for sustained periods. This style of love is an ideal we should shoot for and strive to find within ourselves, yet never think less of ourselves when we fail, when we slide from there or can’t quite get there.

Sharyn Wolf says, “anyone can be a sweetheart on a honeymoon—it is how we behave between honeymoons that is a measure of who we are.” Just a couple of things about this quote; it is true and it tells us how to have a happier marriage. Courtship behavior is the biggest lie in the world. We try to impress each other by always being on our best behavior. We say and do things that are wonderful and beautiful and loving; then we married and we don’t have to try so hard, we have who we want already. So don’t think that he is going to cook you such great and romantic dinners every night, you will probably end cooking just as much or more then him and probably a lot of Mac & Cheese. The reality life takes time and energy and we often steal that from our relationship.

The second thing about the quote is the words “between honeymoons,” this indicates more than one honeymoon. Not with different partners, with each other. If I was counting I would say my wife and I had at least five. No, I didn’t count our vacations. Out first one was sort of a disaster, fights, tears, confusion and not knowing how to do things made it memorable only because it was so forgettable. Number two was the next year, and it was fantastic, we had fun and laughed and did things for each other. Three was our twentieth anniversary where we did it all over again, in real sense we renewed our vows, four and five were special as well, our first trip to the Caribbean and a surprise from our children.

Unconditional love means that you will have those special moments, those dream times and the opportunities for multiple honeymoons with your loved one. Sometimes love is blind, my wife doesn’t care that I’m bald and the grey in her hair just makes her more attractive. And sometimes it let’s us see, I see her tenderly putting our wedding and family pictures up with care and remembering her birthday, our anniversary and Mother’s Day is no chore for me.

“The good we ought to do is love.” Mark Ian Thompson

Dallas Munkholm, B.A., B.Com., R.P.C., C.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

Half An Hour A Day Challenge

What would happen if you dedicated half an hour a day to positive interactions with your partner and family? What if for that half hour a day you simply listened to, complimented, encouraged, smiled at, and enjoyed spending time with someone you love? What if for that half an hour you choose to be only with them? You shut off your cell phone, computer, television or any other distractions that might interfere. What if for that half hour you focused your thoughts and energy on them and not you or the million things you need to get done?
I once heard someone say that they enjoyed hearing, “I like you,” from their spouse and that they thought it was more important than hearing, “I love you.” Far too often for couples and in families, relationships are allowed to deteriorate to the point that although they may love each other, they sometimes cannot even stand to be around each other. Loving your family seems somewhat mandatory, where liking your family is optional. But you have the power to increase the liking feelings in your relationships simply by investing some time.

Why are we so quick to judge and criticize those that we love. Why do the communications that most children hear from their parents consist of either don't, stop and shouldn't or do this, hurry up and slow down. Too often it seems that partners and children are never able to measure up. Years ago, reading the book by Barry Neil Kaufman called To Love is To Be Happy With, helped me to recognize the importance of acceptance and my ability to choose to be “happy with” rather than judgmental toward those I loved.

The Golden Rule of Relationships is to have 5 positive interactions for every negative interaction. This is the ratio that tips the scales in favor of long lasting relationships. In this technological generation, most couples and families spend very little one-on-one time together. Often time together is in front of the television or while on computers and cell phones. Most couples and families are starved for caring human contact, including eye contact.

Take the half hour a day challenge, try it as an experiment. I would predict that if you are willing to accept this challenge that miracles may begin to happen in your relationships. This time and concentrated attention will strengthen the bonds, kinship and friendship that allows you to enjoy a lifetime together.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C., C.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course 

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples 

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine