Archive for 2014

Relationship Books - Give yourself a present

"Hello everyone. These are two books that I think you should have on your shelf (or on your computer, Android or Kindle).

The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage is my most popular book and it covers the basic important stuff like no other book.

Next is my advanced strategies for healing relationships book. Putting the Forever Back in Love is a follow up to The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage.

Putting the Forever Back in Love has advanced strategies. If you have been married for more than 10 years and your marriage is in trouble, this is the book you will want to read.

If you have kids and want to have some advanced insights and strategies for parenting, then Putting the Forever Back in Love is definitely going to be on your shipping list.

Now here is the good part!

Remember that I have a long standing offer. You can get any one of my ebooks sent to you by email as a token of my appreciation when you make a donation of any amount.

Many people don't know that I am a volunteer. I buy the airtime and internet time in order to be there to help people. Soooooo, any donation (yes, even a small donation).

So to take advantage of this offer, get a free eBook, and help me out--all at the same time--just click here and choose a book. Then make a donation at safe and secure Paypal and you will get your gift eBook right away!!!

Why do couples argue?
How can we put the sparkle back in our marriage?
How can we communicate better?

What is the difference between courtship and casual dating?
My wife asked me to leave.
Why are men the way we are?
What does my wife want?
Can we reconcile?
My wife cheated on me – now what?

Based on over 20 years of counseling couples and answering questions on the radio. Roland tackles the tough questions with humor, discernment, and refreshing honesty. From the Garden of Eden to the 21st century, he’s got relationships covered.

"Roland, thank you so much for your book.
The advice is very practical, and the book is filled with some beautiful spirituality too. I spent over a thousand dollars to register and fly to an out of town seminar I could have saved the thousand and got your book instead." Suzy - San Bernardino

It's like a relationships seminar in a box!

Putting the Forever Back in Love - Advanced Concepts in Relationship Building

This book contains advanced concepts for coping with and resolving difficult relationship issues.

If you liked The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage you will love this book.

Been married for many years and have some issues? This is the book for you.

Based in 24 years of research and counseling, Dr. Trujillo presents new insights and strategies for healing relationships and resolving stress and unhappiness. Partners, parents, couples considering marriage, and adult children of dysfunctional families will find both practical and spiritual principles to help them move forward to happiness.

Want Putting the Forever Back in Love in paperback? Click here to see it at Amazon

Get a free eBook and help keep this blog going--all at the same time--just click here and choose one of the three books. Then make a donation at safe and secure Paypal and you will get your gift eBook right away!!!

You'll benefit from Dr. Roland's 25 years of experience. Plus his books are a good read.

You'll also be saving up to 80% off retail price.

When you send a donation to help Roland, you are actually paying forward to help others. Roland volunteers his time to help others and he frequently gives materials away free to people who can't afford anything.

Rola

nd Trujillo, MS, D. Pastoral Psychology, is the author of 18 books. He is host of a radio advice program that currently airs in Southern California and around the country for 25 years.

In his new 350 page book Putting the Forever Back in Love Roland reveals little known secrets to marriage success.

Read Free Chapter One of The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage

18:47:00 Add Comment

The Dating and Mating Game Is Not a Game

Relationships make the world go around. We love people and we hate them. We want to be around them and then we want to get away from them. We can’t live with them, and we can't live without them.

And nowhere is this more evident than when it comes to dating, courtship, long term and short term relationships, partners and spouses.

First I want to say that all relationships start off with excitement and dreams of living happily ever after, and yet a large percentage end up as a living hell. Many of us saw our parents arguing and fighting and we hated it.

We were sure that our relationship would be different. But once we got involved with someone for awhile--sure enough, soon we were arguing—and we are lucky if it was merely arguing. Sad to say the daily newspapers are full of stories about arguments that turn into violence or even murder.

Something is wrong. If love turns into hatred, then it wasn’t real love to start with. It proves that what most people think of as love is not really love at all.

Some relationships settle into long ones. Many appear happy and fulfilling on the surface. But the truth is that many are not. Something is still wrong. Each partner suffers--he in his way, and she in her way.

I remember when I was a boy, my mother had some good lady friends. I was surprised and shocked by what was said about their husbands. Each wife not only openly complained about and criticized her husband, but also stated that she was secretly unhappy and unfulfilled.

I was shocked because in private they seemed to have contempt for their husbands, and what was said in private was quite different than what was said when the husbands were present.

I also got to listen in to what the husbands said when, for example, the men would go fishing while the women did something else.

When I was with men, I heard a different story. The men were unaware of their wife’s secret unhappiness or of their wife’s secret contempt. The husbands thought that everything was basically okay with the marriage.

The men did admit that their wives never seemed to be satisfied. The wives always wanted something. They wanted him to lose weight, to stop smoking, get a better job (like some other friend’s husband had), or go to church more. The wife wanted him to improve or change in some way.

The wives, according to the husbands, were apparently never satisfied. They wanted a bigger house, more furniture, a vacation, or something. But when she got it, she was still not satisfied with it. Nor was she satisfied with any self improvement he made. She always found something to disapprove of. Yet the husbands were not aware of their wife’s secret unhappiness or that the wife was complaining about him behind his back.

The husband typically said that his wife was confusing, and he was at a loss as to what she wanted.

But like I said, for the most part, the men thought that the relationship was basically okay. Without trying to be rude, I must say (to use an old expression) the men were “fat, dumb and happy.” They did not suspect the deep unhappiness their wives were feeling.

Occasionally one of the husbands or wives would privately remark that they were staying together “for the sake of the kids.”

It seemed as though the wives were far unhappier with the husbands than vice versa. Somehow they wanted something from their husbands that they were not getting. The wives seemed to think that what was needed was better communication, intimacy and sharing that would make things right.

But their unhappiness and continued complaints no matter what their husband did proves that it was something deeper that they needed.

They could not put into words what they needed. But I can. And I will spell it out in this book.

Their husbands could not figure out what their partners wanted. They tried everything--from flowers to champagne and hot tubs for two—but nothing seemed to satisfy the wives.

I will tell you husbands later what your wives really need, so keep reading.

Roland Trujillo has been helping people with life and relationship issues for 25 years. He is the author of 18 books.

Love is Sweet - a loving holiday reminder from Roland Trujillo

08:17:00 Add Comment

Love is Sweet
by Roland Trujillo

The song says love and marriage
Go together
Like a horse and carriage.
If so, why is marriage so disparaged?

A marriage of two selfish people
Will not be good
When both partners brood.
Even if the wedding was under a steeple.

But don't worry,
And don't be in a hurry.
We're all a bit selfish before we grow,
That's what lifelong learning is for.

So if you feel there is something missing,
Start by being more forgiving.
No one is perfect, least of all you.
He chose you, but you chose him too.

You knew he wasn't perfect way back then,
And now you want to start all over again?

Think a new partner will be any better?
You'll say Swiss and he'll say cheddar.

"Mirror, mirror, square or round,
Who's the fairest one in town?"
It isn't you, and you know it's true,
If you are resentful and wear a frown.

"But I'm always nice
and helpful as can be.
I'm always doing for others,
I'm busy, busy, busy."

Yes, but under all your doing,
Resentment is stewing.
When you go the extra mile,
You secretly judge others
for not appreciating you.

While on the surface you wore a smile,
Underneath your resentment grew.

To make unhappiness go away
And start feeling better today,
Here's how to start--
Wear a smile on your heart,
Not just on your face
Then you'll always walk with stately grace.

Don't be like the circus clown
Who smiles but is secretly wearing a frown.
When you are smiling inside
You won't even remember why you cried.

To forgive is to forget.
You're asking how to forgive, I bet?
The answer is easy--

Just remember to no longer resent
And you'll wonder where the bitterness went

When you remember to be more forgiving,
There won't be any misgiving,
And you'll give thanksgiving
For the joy you will be feeling.
No more tired and blue,
And your husband will notice it too.

Everyday is a holiday cruise
And you won't have the blues
When to be more forgiving you choose.

Dr. Roland Trujillo, D Pastoral Psychology, is the author of 18 books and has been helping couples for 25 years.

I love my greenpans, glass water bottle, Himalayan sea salt and other household hints by Roland

09:52:00 Add Comment

"Hi, this is Roland. I have been looking at health and optimal living practices for a long time. When my son was little he had some issues, and so we began to read people like Dr. Henry Bieler, Dr. John Christopher, and Dr. Bircher Benner, and we studied things like raw vs.cooked food.

We continued to be interested in health and healthy living, and as the years went by, we kept learning and we still are. Today I like Dr. Mercola, the Health Ranger, Dr. Weil, and Dr. Oz too.

Scroll down for the poster and for the Helpful Hints

I have always wanted to write something about healthy practices that is simple and understandable for people. I wanted to boil down to the essence of what I have learned over the years to share with people.

I know that most people are busy, and not everyone has the luxury of the time to study, read and research like I have. Also it gets confusing and sometimes people just don't know where to look.

So I finally sat down and made my Happy Home Healthy Living Guide. I kept it simple. I put it in the form of a small 11 X 17 poster, and made it easy to understand.

But there is a lot more I want to share, so I'm now starting Roland's Household Hints and Tips. I will put a brief sentence or two in the right sidebar and then link it to here.

So just scroll down to find it.

Homemakers, moms, dads, singles, and health conscious people everywhere - As my gift, you can read and download my Happy Home Healthy Living Guide.

It contains over 100 helpful hints about buying produce, filtering water, best types of pots and pans, and much more.

Hey, I know we are all busy. We want to eat the best and avoid iffy things, but no one has taken the time to tell you how because they didn't know either. Now you can get my list and hang it up on the wall as a small poster.

Preview my Healthy Living Guide poster to hang on your wall or put on your desk!

Roland's Household Hints and Tips

Hint #2. Healthy food tastes good!

Hey Roland, what did you eat today?

I started the day with a few sips of filtered water with lemon juice in it.

I sat down to the computer to do some work and had 2 cups of black tea (made with filtered water) with 3 spoons of raw honey in it.

Then I had 2 slices of Trader Joe's organic wheat berry bread with butter, and a cup of Starbucks Christmas blend coffee with a little half and half in it.

When I was done at the computer, I had a bowl of oatmeal with a little brown sugar on it.

For lunch I had salad made with organic lettuce, organic tomatoes and avocado. And two bowls of home made oxtail soup. I sprinkled a little Himalayan sea salt on the salad.

For snacks I had 2 bananas and a few dates. And I drank filtered water with lemon juice in it.

For dinner I had a small organic hamburger, boiled cabbage, rice, stir fried greens, salad, and a small bowl of home made soup. I sprinkled lots of turmeric on the cabbage and also had a sprinkling of cayenne pepper. I also have a little black pepper to help the value of the curcumin in the turmeric.

After dinner I had 3 chewable papaya enzyme tablets to aid with digestion.

Hint #3 Why you should consider switching to PTFE free cookware

The link is to a wonderful article written by a lady who has done the research for you. Update: The green pans that she refers to are super non stick but have no teflon. They make cooking a breeze. We have had them for over a year now and they are just as good as new. Caution: other pots and pans may look similar but have ptfe's in them

Get Green Pan for your family's health. Here's a tip-- they clean out very easily with a paper towel and a little baking soda and water. Amazing.

Be careful. Many pan makers are now hiding the name teflon because they know people are wary.

Update: I am soooooo happy with my greenpans. I've had them for 2 years now. They are still in excellent condition. Cleaning them is a breeze too. Just use a little baking soda made into a paste and wipe with a paper towel.

Hint #4 I use pink Himalayan sea salt, and here's why.

Hint #14   Have you ever seen a PLU number on produce beginning with an 8? I haven't either. Do you know why? PLU beginning with an 8 is for Genetically Modified Organisms. Big agra knows that no one wants to buy frankenfood. So they hide their GMO in PLU's beginning with 3 and 4.

That's right. So not only is your average produce that begins with the usual PLU number 3 or 4 grown in depleted soil and laced with pesticides. But it very well may also be genetically modified organisms.

Grow your own or buy certified organic beginning with a number 9.

Hint #15 Avoid plastic containers. Especially those with BPA. But other types of plastic are iffy too.

Use ceramic, stainless steel, and glass whenever possible. For water, use glass or stainless steel. I have a glass water bottle with a cool looking protective covering which I got at Walgreens. For home, we have a beautiful 3 gallon glass container with a tap on it. It is designed to use for an elegant party, but we use it all the time!

Click here to read the whole article and see more hints

Would you like to help me keep this blog going and get the poster pdf as a token of my appreciation?

Roland's Happy Home Healthy Living Guide

Homemakers, moms, dads, singles, and health conscious people everywhere - As my gift, you can read my Happy Home Healthy Living Guide.

It can easily be printed as an 11X17 poster (or larger) to hang on your wall and refer to as a daily reminder .

It contains over 100 helpful hints about buying produce, filtering water, best types of pots and pans, and much more.

Hey, I know we are all busy. We want to eat the best and avoid iffy things, but no one has taken the time to tell you because they didn't know either. Now you can get my list and hang it up on the wall as a small poster.

Click here to preview and then come back here to get your poster pdf sent to you

Remember you can choose one as a bonus when you make a donation of any amount.

You will receive an eBook pdf (such as The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage) and also the bonus gift of your choice.

Okay, now just make a donation of any amount at safe and secure Paypal
to get your free Healthy Living Guide poster pdf

As soon as I hear from Paypal about your donation, I will contact you by email to find which eBook and bonus gift you would like to get right away.
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Free Marriage Book and a Free Bonus Gift too as a Token of My Appreciation

19:44:00 Add Comment

There are many people in the world who cannot help Roland because they, too, cannot afford to. That's why Roland has always made many things free, including free chat.

Roland has to pay for internet service, the free chat service, and radio time. Currently Roland is in need of a a newer computer (his are many years old) and a camera to make better videos.

How you can help.

Every penny of every donation goes to help others.

Make a donation to help Roland. The easiest way is using a credit card at the Paypal donate button.

Remember, everyone who makes a donation of any amount gets a free ebook of your choice sent as a pdf attachment to an email.

So get your free ebook and help Roland too.

Would you like to read The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage?
or Putting the Forever Back in Love?

Just make a donation of any amount and Roland will send you your eBook as a pdf attachment to an email right away.

"Roland, thank you so much for your book.
The advice is very practical, and the book is filled with some beautiful spirituality too. I spent over a thousand dollars to register and fly to an out of town seminar I could have saved the thousand and got your book instead." Suzy - San Bernardino

"The perfect book for troubled couples with different type of problems . . .
I can assure it will be one of the better books I have ever read." review of The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage

Based on over 20 years of counseling couples and answering questions on the radio. Roland tackles the tough questions with humor, discernment, and refreshing honesty. From the Garden of Eden to the 21st century, he’s got relationships covered.

Putting the Forever Back in Love - Advanced Concepts in Relationship Building

To make a donation and get a free eBook, just go to our eBook page. There you can preview and decide which free book you want.

Here is the link to our eBook page

Please help if you can. You can also click below to use Paypal and to make a donation and get your free eBook. As soon as Paypal emails me that you made a donation of any amount, I will send you an email to find out which free eBook you would like.

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Hello, everyone!

Just for the holidays, send me a donation of any amount and you will receive your free eBook (such as The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage)

and also a Bonus Gift of your choice!

Choose one of the two free bonus gifts.

I have a newly revised edition of Santa's Take on Parenting: Secrets from the North Pole.

Santa Claus has finally spoken on the subject of parenting. Who is better suited to give advice than the one who has brought joy and delight to children for as long as anyone can remember?

.In this modern day Santa story for parents, the reader follows Santa and Mrs. Claus as they work with a couple of kids who come to stay with them.

The results are positive and inspirational, as Santa teaches by example how patience and creativity can make parenting a lot more fun and easy."In this fun filled educational book, the author introduces innovative parenting strategies by using the power of story telling to take the reader on a fictional visit with Santa and Mrs. Claus.

What others are saying about Santa's Take on Parenting

"Every parent should read this book."
--Suzy, real estate broker, San Francisco, CA

"Your book is great and should go over well."
Dee, principal, Anderson, CA

“Santa's Take on Parenting" is a real find. Santa's Take will make learning about parenting fun and easier for lots of busy parents.— Mary, parent educator, Emeryville, CA.

.
“Whimsical" After I read Santa's Take on Parenting, I gave a copy to my adoptive and foster parent agency to have in their lending library. — Alicia, mother of three, Northern California

.What does Santa have to say about homework, discipline, and chores?

Click here to preview

Then come right back here to get your eBook sent to you

Here's my other gift you can choose.

Homemakers, moms, dads, singles, and health conscious people everywhere - As my gift, you can read my Happy Home Healthy Living Guide.

It can easily be printed as an 11X17 poster (or larger) to hang on your wall and refer to as a daily reminder .

It contains over 100 helpful hints about buying produce, filtering water, best types of pots and pans, and much more.

Hey, I know we are all busy. We want to eat the best and avoid iffy things, but no one has taken the time to tell you because they didn't know either. Now you can get my list and hang it up on the wall as a small poster.

Click here to preview and then come back here to get your poster pdf sent to you

Remember you can choose one as a bonus when you make a donation of any amount.

You will receive an eBook pdf (such as The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage) and also the bonus gift of your choice.

Okay, now just choose one of the bonus gifts -
Santa's Take on Parenting
or my Happy Home Healthy Eating Guide
and make a donation of any amount at safe and secure Paypal
to get your free eBook of your choice AND a free bonus gift

As soon as I hear from Paypal about your donation, I will contact you by email to find which eBook and bonus gift you would like to get right away.
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Get your Free Relationships eBook and Free Bonus Gift as a Token of My Appreciation

10:11:00 Add Comment

There are many people in the world who cannot help Roland because they, too, cannot afford to. That's why Roland has always made many things free, including free chat.

Roland has to pay for internet service, the free chat service, and radio time. Currently Roland is in need of a a newer computer (his are many years old) and a camera to make better videos.

How you can help.

Every penny of every donation goes to help others.

Make a donation to help Roland. The easiest way is using a credit card at the Paypal donate button. Or send a check to Roland.

Remember, everyone who makes a donation of any amount gets a free ebook of your choice sent as a pdf attachment to an email.

So get your free ebook and help Roland too.

Would you like to read The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage?
or Putting the Forever Back in Love?

Just make a donation of any amount and Roland will send you your eBook as a pdf attachment to an email right away.

Putting the Forever Back in Love - Advanced Concepts in Relationship Building

Make Time For Your Relationship

14:32:00 Add Comment

Make Time For Your Relationship

“No man is an island.” John Donne

As human beings we long for social relationships, even if we don’t consciously believe that. There is a reason single people, young and old, are happier when they have a pet, dog or cat. We are born and we will die seeking for and striving to maintain relationships.

Sonja Luybomirsky, a psychologist, states in her book the How Of Happiness; “there is something special and unique about relationships and we would do well to strengthen, nourish and enjoy them.” We seek out those strong, stable, positive relationships and often we will stay in harmful, toxic or unfulfilling relationships as opposed to no relationship at all. We resist breaking off relationships, even those we find harmful. I see evidence of this when clients stop coming because they have decided to break up and then a year or so later I get a call from them, “Can we come see you again, we want to try to make it work.” People hang on to a sense of belonging.

Without a sense of belonging we can experience various negative consequences. We feel lost and alone, which often triggers sadness, anxiety and depression. We feel incomplete, unhappy in life, we often question why do we try so hard in life if there is no one to share it with. Some will engage in promiscuous behaviors, looking for that feeling of connectedness. A study done in orphanages after the war in the Balkans found that otherwise healthy babies died because they were not touched enough. A sense of belonging is crucial to our wellbeing.

So how to maintain a relationship? Research indicates that successful couples spend 5 hours a week in conversation with each other. How much time do we talk with our partner? There are a few things you might consider doing to boost that amount of time spent with each other.

Start with just scheduling into your calendar time for each other (in this generation, we all live by the calendar). Make sure you honour that schedule and your partner will feel that he or she is important and central to you. Also schedule time to do “stuff” together. Farmer’s market, go for a walk, date nights and similar kind of activities create and maintain a feeling of connectedness or belonging. Work together, dishes, yard work, building a shed, paying bills or whatever, it seems less threatening, takes less time and is, at least, comforting if not fun. A spontaneous kiss while doing household chores can be fun and can do wonders to connect.

Take 5 minutes a day, each, expressing gratitude and appreciation for our partner and what they do. Expressed gratitude is very powerful and positive. Every day you can spend 20 minutes connecting, I have discussed this before in Daily Connections. Pick a time you can do this everyday, the same time every time, builds a routine. Start the conversation with gratitude, then scheduling or reporting to each other what is happening, discuss some issue you have noticed and end with your hopes and dreams. Connection 101.

A morning routine should include a real hug, one in which we are really present and feeling it. It should also include each of you finding out at least one thing the other is doing that day and perhaps something they will be doing to have fun and one thing that is on their mind, concerns. In the evening there should a reunion routine; a kiss and hug, “ I missed you, it is nice to be together again,” 15 minutes to discuss the day and its events in a non-stressful manner.

It might be interesting to develop a media-free zone in your home where you are free from distractions to just interact with each other, to enjoy each other’s company and person. Some things that could be included; dancing, reading a book or poetry, playing cards or board games, taking classes, starting or doing hobbies, planning dates and vacations, living out your fantasies.

If you want, you can look up Charlotte Diamond and download and listen to her song 4 Hugs A Day. I recommend a minimum of 4 6-second hugs a day. These are full bodied, both arms engaged, fully present hugs. Six seconds is long enough to feel each other’s presence and short enough to not feel awkward. Remember, physical touch is essential to our wellbeing and to feeling of belonging.

Whatever you decide, the need to belong is inherent in us, we all desire to feel like we ‘fit” somewhere with someone. To belong is to feel a reason to be involved in our own life and to be involved in our life is to be alive. To be alive is to feel that you belong.

“Remember, you have spent a lot of time practicing how to be miserable. Learning how to be happy together will take a little time too.” William and Carleen Glasser.

Dallas Munkholm, B.A., B.Com., M.Psy., R.T.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach
Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course
Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples
Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine