Archive for July 2013

Regaining That Loving Feeling

“Please don’t shut out love-it’s the best thing about life.” James Patterson

One of the most common themes I hear when counseling couples is “I love him or her but I don’t know that I am in love with him or her.” Some say this with fear, some with an “I told you so” attitude, some wanting us to reassure them and some thinking it is over. The real truth is that this just means you are in one of the cycles of your relationship. Scott Peck has said that every couple falls in love, every couple falls out of love.

Love is at the core of our relationships. It is one of the major components of intimacy. It can make us sappy happy and also can drop us into slobbering sadness and pain. Love can turn acquaintances into life long friends, friends into lovers, lovers into soul mates. It is a hard concept to describe, almost impossible to define, difficult to explain, yet undeniable when we feel it. Love can be very intense or so soft and comforting and soothing.

Who we love or why we love is often inexplicable yet we know the other person is the one. The feeling of being in love, of being loved is at times almost euphoric. So much so, in fact that that feeling is what we describe as love. We expect to always feel that in the relationship, that is what makes us believe and feel that this relationship is the one; at least at the beginning.

The truth of the matter is the first years of a relationship are “lust” driven, that is emotion driven. We experience such emotional highs and lows and that makes us feel so alive. The only problem with that is to live at such emotional levels can be very trying and tiring. We would burn out quickly. It is very hard to maintain such high levels of emotional energy for any sustained length of time.

As we move into a more mature love we learn that loving feelings follow loving actions. We do the things that make our partner feel loved, wanted, needed and appreciated. As we continue doing these things the feeling of being in love, of being loved continue to keep us connected. We all have times in our lives where life, and the stress of that life, seems to overpower the love we share. In other words we fall out of love; a completely normal part of relationship cycles.

Thus, when a client complains of loving and not being in love we try to help them understand that the feeling of not being in love is the disconnection between the two of them. So where and why does the disconnection occur? The usual suspect is the lack of the little things not being done. In my experience most relationships fail because couples are not doing the little things in the relationship.

What are the little things? Dating, as was stated in last month article, sharing experiences, laughing together, working together, remembering important dates and occasions if that is important to the other, being considerate, caring for and being care for and whatever the unique couple you are defines as little, important things; these are the little things.

The usual pattern of disconnection is one like this; when you first get together, starting dating, courting and then moving in together or get married everything is great. You will steal time from others to be able to spend time together, you are in that emotion driven phase and it is so very intense, your relationship is the first priority. Then life becomes real, job problems, careers, school, kids, mortgages, kids and so on, what happens to that relationship, it usually gets pushed down the list until you are only giving it left over time. Most of us do not have left over time in our lives. Disconnection has occurred.

So how to repair it? The answer is simple. You need to start doing some of the things you did at the start of your relationship. Date, talk, spend time together, sacrifice for each other and care for each other. Life is too short to waste it looking for a connection when you already have one, just spend a portion of the time you would looking and building on rebuilding the one you have.

“Some live well, some love well, but few love well. To love well…that’s something else, It is a choosing-something done again and again and again.” Charles Martin

What's Wrong with My Marriage? New Relationship Book has Answers

16:22:00 Add Comment

This book contains advanced concepts for coping with and resolving difficult relationship issues.
Based in 24 years of research and counseling, Dr. Trujillo presents new insights and strategies for healing relationships and resolving stress and unhappiness. Partners, parents, couples considering marriage, and adult children of dysfunctional families will find both practical and spiritual principles to help them move forward to happiness.

"Roland, thank you so much for your book.
When I heard that you are a pastor, I hesitated to order it because I'm not into religion. But because I wanted to learn more about why I can't stop resenting my husband so much, I went ahead and got the book. I'm so glad that I did. The advice is very practical, and the book is filled with some beautiful spirituality too. I spent over a thousand dollars to register and fly to an out of town seminar I could have saved the thousand and got your book instead." Suzy - San Bernardino

"The perfect book for troubled couples with different type of problems . . .
I can assure it will be one of the better books I have ever read." review of The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage

Why do couples argue?
How can we put the sparkle back in our marriage?
How can we communicate better?
I’m a Christian but my boyfriend is not.
What is the difference between courtship and casual dating?
My wife asked me to leave.
Why are men the way we are?
What does my wife want?
Can we reconcile?
My wife cheated on me –now what?

Based on over 20 years of counseling couples and answering questions on the radio. Roland tackles the tough questions with humor, discernment, and refreshing honesty. From the Garden of Eden to the 21st century, he’s got relationships covered.

Click here to preview the paperback edition at Amazon.com

About the Author

Roland Tru

jillo, lecturer and author, introduces his new comprehensive look at the delights, the challenges and the mysteries of marriage. For over 20 years, Roland has been helping couples repair their relationships and move forward to optimal living. Roland is now bringing his insights, based in compassion and spiritual principles, to a new level in this unique look at the perils, pitfalls, and promises of relationships.

Look inside the eBook in Kindle at Amazon.com

Here are just some of the topics discussed

The Dating and Mating Game Is Not a Game
“A Rose by Any Other Name is Still a Rose”
Why I Decided to Become a Pastor
Where to Find Real Solutions to your Relationship Woes
Why Couples Argue
Myths of Marriage

How to Forgive and Forget
How to Apologize and Clear the Air with Dignity
Just How Important is Dad?
Marriage Counseling for Men
Can I Reconcile with My Husband, Wife, or Child?
Is Food Your Secret Lover and Enabler?
Dealing with Hard Times
Adam and Eve: The First Dysfunctional Family
My Husband is Annoying
My Wife Asked Me to Move Out –What Should I
Do?
Advice to Divorced Moms
My Wife Cheated on Me – Now What?
Finding the Best Marriage Advice

The Strong Family—Ten Lessons in Faithfulness

Purchase at Amazon.com in quality paperback for $14.95

Now available in Kindle!

Check out the free mobile app for special savings for mobile app users

Putting the Forever Back in Love - Advanced Concepts in Relationship Building

Click here to preview at Amazon.com in paperback

Click here to preview in Kindle!

This book contains advanced concepts for coping with and resolving difficult relationship issues.

If you liked The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage you will love this book.

Been married for many years and have some issues? This is the book for you.

Based in 24 years of research and counseling, Dr. Trujillo presents new insights and strategies for healing relationships and resolving stress and unhappiness. Partners, parents, couples considering marriage, and adult children of dysfunctional families will find both practical and spiritual principles to help them move forward to happiness.

Got a budget? For a donation of any amount I will send you this 315 page book in pdf. attached to an email as a token of my appreciation.

Forbidden Food - the Legacy of Paradise Lost and the Promise of Redemption

Got food issues? What if the Garden of Eden is not a myth but a reality? What if the eating of forbidden food brought a curse on the human race? What if food is somehow subtly involved in our deterioration? What if food introduced a trance state in which we make mistakes and then wonder what happened? Originally entitled Recovering Health and Wholeness, now totally updated with 100 new pages, this intriguing book looks at forbidden food, the curse from the Garden of Eden, and the reality of redemption. In fact, resolving the food problem just might bring resolution to other life issues as well.

Click here to preview or download Forbidden Food

Want it in eBook and save money too? . For a donation of any amount, receive one of Roland's relationships eBooks free as a token of our appreciation.

Food Issues? Read Roland's new book about the secret power of Food

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The Dark Side of Eating and the Path to Recovery

Food disorders, addiction, emotional problems, and even sickness may have a common root. This book reveals why the whole human race has food issues, and why how we eat holds the key to our spiritual and emotional recovery. Most people have issues with food. The reason is deeper than just what or how much we eat.

Food has a mysterious hold on the human race and it alters our consciousness. That is why when we start eating, we end up eating too much. Food is also connected with our ego life support. We look to food to comfort us and to give us security.

But the very food that comforts us also makes us resentful when we discover that it has enslaved us. So we have a love/hate relationship with food, and food substances, even as we have a love hate relationship with our mother and others who support our ego. The answer, of course, is love. We crave a love that food will not satisfy.

There, have I whetted your appetite? Read more.

Now available in Kindle edition!

Preview the paperback edition now at Amazon.com

You can also send me a donation of any amount, and I will send you a pdf. by email.

What if the Garden of Eden is not a myth but a reality?

What if the eating of forbidden food brought a curse on the human race? What if food is somehow subtly involved in our deterioration? What if food introduced a trance state in which we make mistakes and then wonder what happened?

Originally entitled Recovering Health and Wholeness, now totally updated with 100 new pages, this intriguing book looks at forbidden food, the curse from the Garden of Eden, and the reality of redemption. In fact, resolving the food problem just might bring resolution to other life issues as well.

Roland Trujillo is the author of 16 books and has been helping people cope with stress and emotional issues for 24 years. His radio show has aired for almost a quarter of a century. Join Roland in this exciting and mysterious journey into Forbidden Food

Food Problems? Read about the Secret Side of Food in my new book

09:25:00 Add Comment

Eating Issues - A spiritual odyssey in search of health,wholeness, fulfillment and love

Food disorders, addiction, emotional problems, and even sickness may have a common root. This book reveals why the whole human race has food issues, and why how we eat hold the key to our spiritual and emotional recovery.

Most people have issues with food. The reason is deeper than just what or how much we eat.

Food has a mysterious hold on the human race and it alters our consciousness. That is why when we start eating, we end up eating too much. Food is also connected with our ego life support.
We look to food to comfort us and to give us security. But the very food that comforts us also makes us resentful when we discover that it has enslaved us.

So we have a love/hate relationship with food, and food substances,
even as we have a love hate relationship with our mother and others who support our ego.
The answer, of course, is love. We crave a love that food will not satisfy.

There, have I whetted your appetite? Read more.

Want it now to download to your computer or mobile device? Forbidden Food is is available in a Kindle edition.

You can also send me a donation of any amount,
and I will send you a pdf of the eBook by email.

Preview and download my new book

Eating Issues - A spiritual odyssey in search of health,wholeness, fulfillment and love

"This much I know," said Augustine, "I should take my food as my medicine."

“I am a better person when I have less on my plate.”
Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

This book was originally written a few years ago when I found out that a good friend was diagnosed with cancer. Since that time I have continued my spiritual journey and continue to ponder and make discoveries about our fallen human condition. What I write is the result of my own searching. I present it with gratitude, and I offer it in the hope that it will be of help to you.

I recently read a fact sheet from the American Obesity Association which revealed that one third of Americans are obese. Another fact sheet discussed the correlation between obesity and diabetes, kidney problems, and certain types of cancer.

This morning I was paging through a popular magazine at the supermarket checkout counter, and I saw many pictures and several stories about well known Hollywood stars suffering from anorexia nervosa, bulimia, weight and dieting issues, compulsive eating, alcohol or substance abuse.

A person can have no weight issues, no substance issues, and eat the very best organic food available, and yet be perfectly miserable. That person will be surprised to discover the very subtle involvement of food and food substances in their unhappiness and lack of fulfillment.

Though we must eat to live, we must learn to eat so that our food does feed what is wrong with us. Because the effect is by its nature unconscious, it takes a good detective and a very aware observer to detect its subtle impact on our well being.

For example, the perennial question "why do good people do bad things?" can be answered in part by the fact that people often do bad things when they are in a trance. People do wrong or foolish things when under the spell of emotions or the influence of drugs. But believe it or not, the mere act of eating has an effect on our consciousness.

Eating introduces a mild trance state. When we eat, we are suddenly less aware, less disciplined, and more suggestible. It is no coincidence that office affairs often begin with an invitation to a cup of coffee or a lunch.

People exert their will through food. It often begins at home—where when you accepted mother's food, you also accepted her will. Is it any wonder that we develop a love hate/relationship with food? Food represents comfort. Food fills the emptiness. But food also represents someone's will, and we end up struggling with food through transference, when what we are really struggling with is the spirit of the one who imposed her will on us.

A few years ago, Dr. Margo Maine coined the phrase "father hunger," and in her book Father Hunger: Fathers, Daughters, and Food, she discusses the importance of father in a child's life.

I have been saying the same thing for 25 years. Love is what we need to fill the emptiness. Father represents God in the eyes of the child, and when father is distant, it is to the child as if God is distant. It is resentment toward our failing father that separates us from our inner ground of good and leads to and sustains a host of emotional, eating and body image issues.

It is fortunate that resolution and recovery can take place despite an absent or distant father. Through understanding, we can learn to forgive our failing father and unloved mother, and through forgiveness find the love of the Father Spirit within.

We all like sheep have gone astray. We sense something missing in our lives. We sought the love of the world or the love of food, but when worldly love and food betray us, we are stuck with seeking more of the love that does not fulfill, like drinking sea water, or seeking stronger ways of numbing the pain and filling the emptiness.

Nowhere does the mysterious effect of food become more evident than when we are faced with a serious health issue. We may suspect that somehow food was involved in its inception and development, and we also sense that something about food might be a key to recovery.

Food is subtly involved in the tragedies of our lives. It also reinforces what we have become and prevents our finding our true self we might have been. Even the eating of cultural food somehow contributes to keeping us divided rather than experiencing unconditional love for and solidarity with our fellow humans from other traditions.

Though a person does not have an obvious food issue, he or she is still under the spell of cultural food, as well as misdirections, and errors associated with a fallen culture and its food. We must understand food if we are to resolve our issues and find love for one another.

If food has played a role in our cultural divides, and in our emotional, spiritual and health issues, we may discover the resolution of our struggle with issues through understanding them in light of the food connection. Perhaps with understanding, our food might become our partner in recovery, and we might find the love we have been searching for all our lives.

Click here to Preview now

Roland Trujillo is the author of 17 books and has been helping people cope with stress and emotional issues for over 25 years. His radio show has aired for almost a quarter of a century. Join Roland in this exciting and mysterious journey into Forbidden Food

Why Do So Many People Have Food Problems?

07:41:00 Add Comment

Eating Issues - A spiritual odyssey in search of health,wholeness, fulfillment and love

Food disorders, addiction, emotional problems, and even sickness may have a common root. This book reveals why the whole human race has food issues, and why how we eat hold the key to our spiritual and emotional recovery.

Most people have issues with food. The reason is deeper than just what or how much we eat.

Food has a mysterious hold on the human race and it alters our consciousness. That is why when we start eating, we end up eating too much. Food is also connected with our ego life support.
We look to food to comfort us and to give us security. But the very food that comforts us also makes us resentful when we discover that it has enslaved us.

So we have a love/hate relationship with food, and food substances,
even as we have a love hate relationship with our mother and others who support our ego.
The answer, of course, is love. We crave a love that food will not satisfy.

There, have I whetted your appetite? Read more.

Want it now to download to your computer or mobile device? Forbidden Food is is now available in a Kindle edition.

You can also send me a donation of any amount,
and I will send you a pdf of the eBook by email.

Preview and download my new book

Eating Issues - A spiritual odyssey in search of health,wholeness, fulfillment and love

"This much I know," said Augustine, "I should take my food as my medicine."

“I am a better person when I have less on my plate.”
Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

A few years ago, Dr. Margo Maine coined the phrase "father hunger," and in her book Father Hunger: Fathers, Daughters, and Food, she discusses the importance of father in a child's life.