New Year Special

For a donation of $5 or more, get my 315 page relationships ebook The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage 

and 

as a special bonus you will also get my fun story (and parenting resource) 

Santa's Take on Parenting 


In other words, you will get two ebooks sent to you by email 

The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage 

and 

Santa's Take on Parenting

As soon as Paypal informs me of your donation, I will send both books as a pdf attachment to an email.

Your donation will help to keep this blog going. 



Hello everyone. These are two books that I think you should have on your shelf (or on your computer, android or Kindle).

The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage
is my most popular book and it covers the basic important stuff like no other book.

Santa's Take on Parenting -
the most fun parent education book ever written. It reads like a story and has dozens of parenting tips.


Now here is the good part!


 Remember that I have a long standing offer. You can get any one of my ebooks sent to you by email as a token of my appreciation when you make a donation of any amount.

Many people don't know that I am a volunteer. I buy the airtime and internet time in order to be there to help people. Soooooo, any donation (yes, even a small one like $2 or $5 is really appreciated by me).

So to take advantage of this offer, get a free eBook, and help keep this blog going--all at the same time--just click here and choose a book. then make a donation at safe and secure Paypal and you will get your gift eBook right away!!!


Why do couples argue?
How can we put the sparkle back in our marriage?
How can we communicate better?
I’m a Christian but my boyfriend is not.
What is the difference between courtship and casual dating?
My wife asked me to leave.
Why are men the way we are?
What does my wife want?
Can we reconcile?
My wife cheated on me – now what?

Based on over 20 years of counseling couples and answering questions on the radio. Roland tackles the tough questions with humor, discernment, and refreshing honesty. From the Garden of Eden to the 21st century, he’s got relationships covered.











"Roland, thank you so much for your book. 
When I heard that you are a pastor, I hesitated to order it because I'm not into religion.  But because I wanted to learn more about why I can't stop resenting my husband so much, I went ahead and got the book. I'm so glad that I did. The advice is very practical, and the book is filled with some beautiful spirituality too. I spent over a thousand dollars to register and fly to an out of town seminar  I could have saved the thousand and got your book instead."  Suzy - San Bernardino    

"The perfect book for troubled couples with different type of problems   .  .   .
 I can assure it will be one of the better books I have ever read."    review of The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage 

Now available in Kindle!




Get a free eBook, and help keep this blog going--all at the same time--just click here and choose a book. then make a donation at safe and secure Paypal and you will get your gift eBook right away!!!   




New Year Special

For a donation of $5 or more, get my 315 page relationships ebook The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage 

and 

as a special bonus you will also get my fun story (and parenting resource) 

Santa's Take on Parenting 


In other words, you will get two ebooks sent to you by email 

The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage 
and 
Santa's Take on Parenting

As soon as I find out about your donation, I will send both books as a pdf attachment to an email.

Your donation will help to keep this blog going. Your donation also helps others because I use part of the money to fund scholarships for people who cannot afford my books or online coaching.

Just Click here to make your donation using safe and secure Paypal

Santa and Mrs. Claus are master mentors when it comes to parenting. Want a good read? Would you like to follow Santa and Mrs. Claus as they deal with parenting issues with love and wisdom? 

 Santa Claus has finally spoken on the subject of parenting. Who is better suited to give advice than the one who has brought joy and delight to children for as long as anyone can remember? In this fictional account, Santa commissioned author and lecturer Roland Trujillo to publish this book after granting an interview with him at the North Pole. 

What are "time outs Santa Style?" 

How does Santa handle discipline and communication issues? 

What's on Santa's do's and don'ts list? 

What is Santa's secret to making chores fun and easy? 

What does Santa say to parents about getting off to a good start? 

You'll find the answers to these questions and more in this book, destined to become a classic. Roland's new book is a Santa story for grownups with many teachable moments. Your kids will listen when you say "Santa says."

 Can't wait? - preview free now in Kindle

It's better than attending a class and you don't even have to leave home or use any gas.


I will be happy if Santa helps improve your relationship with your child.

"Dr. Roland Trujillo has written the book (now at Amazon.com) on alternatives to spanking. It is called Santa's Take on Parenting: Secrets from the North Pole. It will actually mentor you in learning how to apply patience and wisdom in working with your kids. It is also one of the sweetest books ever written and is right up there with Miracle on 34th Street as an all time reminder of what love is all about. "

"Little kids don't need discipline, they need direction and redirection. They need watching with love, kindness, and patience. Older kids need the loving presence of an involved aware parent. They need mentoring, coaching, and a parent who sets a good example. I'm going to tell you the truth. Time outs or spanking are poor substitutes for patience and wisdom.
.
I know that if I can convince you that patience works, both you and your child will be much happier.

What others are saying about Santa's Take
"Every parent should read this book."
--Suzy, real estate broker, San Francisco, CA

"Your book is great and should go over well."
Dee, principal, Anderson, CA
 
“Santa's Take on Parenting" is a real find. I was looking for a book that makes the case for positive and creative parenting without spanking or excessive reliance on punishment.  
I plan to provide a copy to my moms and dads who are just getting started or soon to be parents. I also wish to make it "required reading" for parents who need some coaching in positive parenting. Santa's Take will make learning about parenting fun and easier for lots of busy parents.— Mary, parent educator, Emeryville, CA.

.
“Whimsical" After I read Santa's Take on Parenting, I gave a copy to my adoptive and foster parent agency to have in their lending library. — Alicia, mother of three, Northern California


Your kids will listen when you say "Santa says."
..Ideal for parents, grandparents, foster parents and anyone who loves kids..



.






.

Roland, which of your relationships books should I read first?

A. Thank you for your great question.

Many people are searching the Internet about a relationship or marriage issue and find my Healing Relationships website. They read one of my blog posts, and it has the ring of truth to it. So they read some more posts, perhaps listen to me on Blogtalk radio and look inside a book or two.

They want to work on their relationship and also want some in depth answers to relationship issues and so they decide to get one of my books and start reading.

Here is a little guideline

If this is the first book of mine you are about to read and you want to understand the basics, then  I recommend you start with The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage.

If you are purchasing two books - one for yourself and one for your partner - try starting with The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage

If you are purchasing a book for someone else - who you think would benefit from reading it, like maybe your grown son or daughter, or perhaps a friend or relative, I think I would start with The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage. 

If you have been married for 10 years of more and serious issues and feelings have arisen, then you might start with Putting the Forever Back in Love.

Couples who have been married for 10 or 20 years are more likely to be having thoughts like "we don't have anything in common" or we stayed together for the kids and now they are off to college, so should we get divorced?"  or  "I'm unhappy and bitter about what he or she did and I can't forgive him."  I address these sorts of questions directly in Putting the Forever Back in Love. 

Of course you could also go ahead and get both The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage and also Putting the Forever Back in Love. They are both good reads and also good resources. (if you get one of my books, read it and would like the other book but can't afford it, send me an email and I will send you a pdf of the book for free.

If you have kids and have parenting issues,  Putting the Forever Back in Love has some of my best parenting articles in it.

While on the subject of parenting, if you are having some real issues with your kids, and you've tried everything, why not try a little magic! I wrote a magical little book called Santa's Take on Parenting- Secrets from the North Pole. I don't talk about it much but probably should. Let Santa and Mrs. Claus mentor you on parenting. It's available in paperback and Kindle at Amazon.com  and also in Barnes and Noble Nookbook.

If you want to give a book to someone - like The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage - and you suspect that this person might not read it right away, then get them the paperback version. That way, it can sit on the shelf, and one day, they might see it and pick it up and start reading.

Many of you want to know about talking to me. I prefer that you listen to me on the free audio and read some of my blog posts and articles first. Then get one or two of my books.  Then, if you have a question or want some feedback, our time will be more productive. Contact me at my Liveperson virtual office. I'm available for livechat about 4 hours a day. It's nice to know that I'm around if you need me. So enjoy my writing and audio, and know that I've been around for 25 years.




Hello everyone. These are two books that I think you should have on your shelf (or on your computer, android or Kindle).

The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage is my most popular book and it covers the basic important stuff like no other book. If you just read one book on relationships, this is the one for you. If you are engaged and considering marriage, this is the one. If you are in a long term or short term relationship, and you are having some issues, get this book right away.




Putting the Forever Back in Love is a follow up to The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage.

 Putting the Forever Back in Love has advanced strategies.

 If you have been married for more than 10 years and your marriage is in trouble, this is the book you will want to read.

If you have kids and want to have some advanced insights and strategies for parenting, then Putting the Forever Back in Love is definitely going to be on your shipping list.


Now here is the good part!


 Remember that I have a long standing offer. You can get any one of my eBooks sent to you by email as a token of my appreciation when you make a donation of any amount.

Many people don't know that I am a volunteer. I buy the airtime and internet time in order to be there to help people. Soooooo, any donation (yes, even a small one like $2 or $5 is really appreciated by me).

So to take advantage of this offer, get a free eBook, and help keep this blog going--all at the same time--just click here and choose a book.

 Look inside and preview, then make a donation at safe and secure Paypal and you will get your gift eBook right away!!!



Hello, my name is Roland. I've been on the radio for almost 25 years, both secular stations and Christian stations around the country.

I get a lot of questions about relationships and marriage--probably most of the questions I get.

I know about the high cost of divorce. it happened to my mom and step dad. Before the divorce she was doing well financially. After the divorce she lived out her life in relative poverty. But even worse, I know about the psychological costs, the health costs, the emotional costs and the spiritual costs. I know how divorce affects the kids.

A couple of years ago I wrote a book about marriage. It was excellent, but I wanted to take it to the next level.

I think that The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage really does fulfill my expectations. I wanted a book that is about marriage, and even though I am a bit old fashioned, I wanted the book to be inclusive. And it is.

People who are in long term or short term relationships will enjoy and benefit from my book just as much as couples who are formally married. I talk about some of the deep aspects of marriage, and I can explain why so many relationships have issues.

I also wanted at talk about dating and courtship (there is a difference), and why I favor courtship.

I wanted a book for ladies who are working on their relationship. But I also wanted it to be a book that men, especially thoughtful men who want to be good husbands and fathers, will feel comfortable with.

I wanted a book that is serious--a serious book about a serious and important topic. But I also wanted it to be fun--a good read, a page turner--and even funny in parts.

Finally I wanted to write a book that can be read again and again. Each time getting some new insight. Or a book that a young man or lady who is just married, and issues develop, can reach for and turn to the chapter on the issue, and get some insights and solutions.

I believe that this is the book.



Your friend, Roland


Why do couples argue?
How can we put the sparkle back in our marriage?
How can we communicate better?
I’m a Christian but my boyfriend is not.
What is the difference between courtship and casual dating?
My wife asked me to leave.
Why are men the way we are?
What does my wife want?
Can we reconcile?
My wife cheated on me – now what?

Based on over 20 years of counseling couples and answering questions on the radio. Roland tackles the tough questions with humor, discernment, and refreshing honesty. From the Garden of Eden to the 21st century, he’s got relationships covered.




Click here to preview the paperback edition at Amazon.com


"Roland, thank you so much for your book. 
When I heard that you are a pastor, I hesitated to order it because I'm not into religion.  But because I wanted to learn more about why I can't stop resenting my husband so much, I went ahead and got the book. I'm so glad that I did. The advice is very practical, and the book is filled with some beautiful spirituality too. I spent over a thousand dollars to register and fly to an out of town seminar  I could have saved the thousand and got your book instead."  Suzy - San Bernardino    

"The perfect book for troubled couples with different type of problems   .  .   .
 I can assure it will be one of the better books I have ever read."    review of The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage 

Now The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage is available in Kindle!

In fact, you don't even need a Kindle reader. You can start reading it online seconds after you make the purchase at the Kindle Store.

Putting the Forever Back in Love - Advanced Concepts in Relationship Building

Click here to preview in the Kindle edition

Get a free eBook, and help keep my blog going--all at the same time--just click here and choose a book. then make a donation at safe and secure Paypal and you will get your gift eBook right away!!!   

Thank you for caring about your relationship.

Is Sleep Deprivation Hurting Your Relationship?

We are all aware that lack of sleep can increase grumpiness and frazzle nerves. Too many of us are chronically sleep deprived and may not even realize how tired we are. Only two weeks of sleeping less than 6 hours per night affects performance to the same degree as staying up for 24 hours. Either way your cognitive ability would be impaired, similar to that of being legally drunk.

Research confirms that most adults require 8 hours of sleep per night. People mistakenly think that they have adapted to less sleep, because they are feeling less sleepy. But research indicates that cognitive performance is lacking when sleep is lacking. Sleep deprivation impairs decision-making abilities. It reduces the ability to communicate clearly, to be flexible, to think creatively and to cope with the unexpected. Is it any wonder that you are cranky and less able to cope with day-to-day stresses?


Whether you are new parents, have teenagers, stress at work or insomnia. Whatever the reason for your lack of sleep, it is important to recognize that sleep deprivation can negatively impact the quality of your relationship. Awareness and recognition that fatigue may be playing a role in the quality of your relationship may help you to be more understanding with each other.

Avoid taking out your crankiness on each other. Side step the urge to confront your partner when you have not had enough sleep. Sometime going to bed angry is better than saying those things that you are going to regret. For this to be helpful, you have to be willing to shelve those angry feelings and go back to them in the morning. Stewing in your angry thoughts will destroy your sleep for yet another night and make things seem worse.

After a good nights sleep, problems typically seem smaller and more manageable. The following are 10 tips for getting a better sleep:

1. Take time to wind down before bed. This can be a great time to peacefully connect with your partner.
2. Exercise early in the day. This helps invigorate your body during the day and improves sleep.
3. Avoid caffeine later in the day. It can make it more difficult for you to fall asleep.
4. Alcohol in moderation. Drinking heavily interferes with REM sleep, making sleep more restless.
5. Avoid eating just before bed. Eating too much before bed can make you uncomfortable and restless.
6. Have a bedtime routine. A calming routine before bed can help prepare you to fall asleep.
7. Keep your bedroom at a comfortable temperature. Being too hot or too cold can make it difficult to sleep.
8. Make your bedroom dark and quiet. White noise machines can be helpful if you are unable to control the noise around you.
9. Go to sleep when you are tired. Pushing yourself to keep going until you are past tired may make it more difficult to go to sleep.
10. Stop trying to go to sleep. Try deciding to just lay there and relax, you may find that you fall asleep easier when you are not worrying about how you cannot fall asleep.

Improving the quality of your sleep and getting enough sleep, may have the added benefit of improving the quality of your relationship. Some of these tips will be easier for you to implement than others. Consistently following these tips will give you a better chance of having a restful sleep. If you do not notice any improvements, checking with your doctor about sleep problems would be recommended.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.T.C., C.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach
Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course
Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples
Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

“We do not define love or measure love but are defined and measured by it.” Sam Keen

We toss around the word love like tossing a salad. We say it daily to our spouses, kids, parents, brothers and sisters, family, friends and we use to describe how much we like a song, dinner, book, view, house and on and on.

Does this mean it isn’t what we feel? Not necessarily, we really do have those feelings for our family and friends. Is it the same feeling for an inanimate object or social abstract like country, home and hearth? Again it can be that but to say, “I love this pasta,” diminishes the word. How can we compare our lovers to our dinner?


It is my experience that in long term relationships the words “I love you,” mean less and less the longer the relationship lasts. This does not mean it is not true, that we shouldn’t be saying them to our loved ones, what it does mean we need to make sure the words are sincere and in the moment. We say them so much that they become a habit, a routine, something we say without thinking about them.

One thing I have learned from my counseling experience is that most people notice when their partners are not wholly with them, or engaged, or not present in the moment. I do not doubt the sincerity of the feelings of love we have, what I do question is when we just give a quick peck on the cheek, say “I love you, good-bye,” and head off to wherever we are going. Is our attention and focus on our partner or on where we are going and what we have to do? If so the words just are not sincere and in the moment.

One way of making the words mean something is to do something that proves the words. We need to doing things that show our love and caring about our loved ones. Actions are always more effective when they are backed up with the words and so the opposite is true. So make your good-bye routine honest and sincere. For that moment give yourself and your attention to your partner, hug them for at least 6 seconds (6 seconds is long enough to become fully present), give them a real kiss, soft and sweet and with all the love you truly feel, hold it until you both relax and partake of each other.

It is what we do with the feelings we have for our loved ones that really define the love we have and defines our relationship not only with our partners but also, with ourselves. Sam Keen also said, “seeing only the good we blind ourselves to the better and the best.”  The very best gift we can give our partners and ourselves is to accept the good in our relationships but to continue looking for and making the better and the best come true.

Use the words, say them often, mean them, prove that feeling and your love will never become routine or habit but remain fresh and alive.

“The heart has reasons the mind knows naught of.” Pascal

You can text a question or ask a  question at Liveperson


 He started his radio show in San Francisco 25 years ago. Every since, he has volunteered his time and effort to help people.


Got a question about a relationship? Dating and courtship? Marriage? Improving communication and healing a relationship?

You  have probably already guessed that this is by far Roland's most popular  blog!

People come from all over the world who are having relationship  and marriage issues. At his blog you will find (in the right sidebar)  links to his most popular articles and posts.



You will  also find how to preview free and order his popular book The Myths and  Mysteries of Marriage: Making Relationships Work.

Now we have free customer service live chat too! Just look in the right sidebar for your customer service questions


 


Would you like relationship coaching, marriage coaching, or feedback about some relationship or family issue?

Visit Roland's Virtual Office at Liveperson. 

He's available for texting, email and phone consultation.

You can talk to Roland by Livechat texting. And the first three minutes are always free!









Are you looking for ultra confidential counseling online?

 Go to Roland's virtual office for livechat or telephone. Roland has partnered with Liveperson who does not reveal your number or email address to me. 

Want to talk to Roland by live chat?  Go to his Liveperson Virtual Office.

 Visit Roland's Virtual Office at Liveperson. He's available for texting and email consultation.


Did you know that an email consultation starts at only $5.00



Save money and schedule a consultation from the convenience of your home or office. 

Since it is pay per minute, you are in charge of how long a session is. Get an answer right away. Talk to someone who has been helping people for 24 years. 



Hello, this is Roland. I'm a quick study and after 24 years I give fast, intuitive answers with positive solutions! I'm sure I have some valuable information that will assist you with any relationship issue you are dealing with. I will listen to you talk (because I know what it feels like when people don't really listen). I look forward to hearing from you. Get some answers today from the convenience of your home or office. I keep my fee low (if I made it any lower I would lose money). Here are just a few of the issues I have helped people sort out, cope with, and find happy solutions for:








Please be advised that online counseling is not appropriate for all issues. Nor is it a substitute for face to face counseling with your mental health professional or spiritual care giver. 

Online counseling is not for you if you are under 18, if you are having thoughts of hurting yourself or others, if this is an emergency, if you are having psychotic symptoms, if you are presently under the influence of alcohol or drugs, or if there is domestic violence or abuse. Before contacting us, read this important information first about getting immediate help.

 


If you or someone in your family are experiencing bullying, child abuse, or domestic violence or abuse, you should seek help immediately from your local social service agency, mental health professionals, law enforcement, or child protective services. You are not alone. People are standing by to help you. Get help right away. Internet and phone use can be monitored. Be careful. If need be go to a safe phone or safe internet connection to get professional help immediately.


  If you are experiencing an emergency, please call your local or national mental health crisis hotline, your medical doctor or 911 to receive immediate attention. If you are having thoughts of hurting yourself or others, get help immediately. You are not alone. People are standing by to help you. You may call 1-800-273-TALK (8255)  to be connected to the nearest crisis hotline.
  If you are outside the United States look here to find the nearest help. You are not alone. People are standing by to help you. Get help immediately.

Santa, what are the names of your reindeer?

Ho, ho, ho. You can memorize them. I've memorized them too in case I have a senior moment!

Here they are -

Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen.

And of course, Rudolph!



Thanks, Santa!



Santa?

Yes?

Can you make me a poem about a reindeer?

Okay, here goes



Cupid the Reindeer and Santa's Conversation

What's the matter, Cupid?
You look so sad.

Santa, it's because I am so stupid 
and I'm also bad.

And I'm ugly too.
That is what someone said.

What you need is love.
I love you, Cupid, so now you can feel glad.

But what if you are not around?
Like when you are out giving gifts all over town,
Who will love me?

Why the answer is easy and you can start right now.
Just love yourself.

But I don't know how

Be patient with yourself
Just as I am with the elf.

Remember how Elmo knocked all the ornaments on the floor?

Yes.

 And how he always slammed the door?

Yes.

Remember how I didn't get mad
And never told him he was bad?

Yes.

I just kept working with him.
I was patient, and watched, and stroked my chin.

Now Elmo has been promoted,
And most improved elf he was voted!


Don't try to be perfect every day
Just do what you can, and you'll find your way.

When Santa was a kid, other kids teased me and bullied me too
Soon I hated to go to school.
But the older I got, the bigger and stronger and smarter I became.
Now I'm happy and have the world's most famous name.

 
But why do you love me, Santa?

Here is the answer
Because God loves you
And I do too. 

But I don't feel that He loves me too.

That's okay, one day perhaps you will.
For now, just know that I love you.
Look, Cupid, there's a robin on my window sill!



copyright 2012 by Roland Trujillo







I will be happy if Santa helps improve your relationship with your child.

"Dr. Roland Trujillo PhD and Senior Pastor has written the book (now at Amazon.com) on alternatives to spanking. It is called Santa's Take on Parenting: Secrets from the North Pole. It will actually mentor you in learning how to apply patience and wisdom in working with your kids. It is also one of the sweetest books ever written and is right up there with Miracle on 34th Street as an all time reminder of what love is all about. "

"Little kids don't need discipline, they need direction and redirection. They need watching with love, kindness, and patience. Older kids need the loving presence of an involved aware parent. They need mentoring, coaching, and a parent who sets a good example. I'm going to tell you the truth. Time outs or spanking are poor substitutes for patience and wisdom.
.
I know that if I can convince you that patience works, both you and your child will be much happier.

What others are saying about Santa's Take
"Every parent should read this book."
--Suzy, real estate broker, San Francisco, CA

"Your book is great and should go over well."
Dee, principal, Anderson, CA
 
“Santa's Take on Parenting" is a real find. I was looking for a book that makes the case for positive and creative parenting without spanking or excessive reliance on punishment.  
I plan to provide a copy to my moms and dads who are just getting started or soon to be parents. I also wish to make it "required reading" for parents who need some coaching in positive parenting. Santa's Take will make learning about parenting fun and easier for lots of busy parents.— Mary, parent educator, Emeryville, CA.

.
“Whimsical" After I read Santa's Take on Parenting, I gave a copy to my adoptive and foster parent agency to have in their lending library. — Alicia, mother of three, Northern California


Your kids will listen when you say "Santa says."
..Ideal for parents, grandparents, foster parents and anyone who loves kids..

Order the beautiful quality paperback edition at Amazon.com as a gift for someone you love
.
10% of every dollar is donated directly to needy shelters for people (and pets too)!

.


and now available for Kindle too!


.