Thank you for your question. Tomorrow I am once again starting up Instant Answers where you can ask a free customer service question.

For breakfast I had 2 cups of black tea with a spoon of raw honey in it. I had 2 slices of Trader Joe's flour-less wheat bran bread with butter. I went online for a couple of hours. Then I had a bowl of oatmeal.

For a mid morning snack I had one banana. For lunch - one bottle of Martinelli's Cranberry Apple Cider and 9 cashews.

For dinner: a salad, a small rib eye steak, a baked potato with organic butter, stir fried cabbage, and some brown rice.

As a New Year's treat - a slice of pound cake with fresh golden pineapple on it

I will work on the computer, read, and go to bed early.

Update Summer 2013.

Lately I have been having  2 dishes for dinner.
1. Rice with avocado on it. For seasoning, I sprinkle turmeric, lemon juice, and Himalayan sea salt  Always a serving of rice and avocado with cayenne pepper, lecithin, and ginger on it (Swanson's super cayenne).

2. A large organic salad, consisting of organic lettuce, organic tomato, avocado, and other assorted vegetables.  The salad dressing is just plain lemon juice.

Once in a while I have a small serving of salmon with dinner.

Be sure to check out my new book Forbidden Food - the legacy of the Garden of Eden and the promise of redemption. If you have food issues or are interested in food, you will find this an intriguing book




 

This is a reoccurring theme or lament in the thousands of people who come to my website. It is a serious question and one I wish to address more. So whether you are in a long term relationship or have been married a few, or many years, stay tuned to this program to get some insight and help. Remember - we are not just talking about a relationship here, we are also talking about your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well being. Read the article My Husband and I Have Nothing in Common


Read Part Two - What to Do


 Be sure to preview my book The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage at
 Amazon


 

My partner and I have nothing in common
I think we have finally hit rock bottom
He says yes and I say no
I say fast and he says slow.

I disapprove of what he does
I say "why'd you do that?" 
And he just shrugs and says 'cause.

I like long talks and moonlit walks
He'd rather watch sports and eat right out of the box


I want to go on a cruise
He would rather stay home and snooze

We just don't have anything in common
I think we've hit rock bottom




I'm the husband of her
And I would have to say I heartily concur.

She's moody  but says everything is fine.
So I go to the game and she says I neglect her all the time

Everything I say is wrong
She even says my pauses are too long

I like thin socks so she gets me wool
I like the house warm, and she keeps it cool.




Okay, okay you guys. Let's call a time out
Otherwise to get a word in, I will have to shout

If you think you have nothing in common with each other
I assure you that you would have even less with another.

You balance each other and keep each other from snoring
If you agreed on everything, it would be totally boring,

Enjoy the things you like
And let him enjoy the things he likes

Go to lunch with your friend
And be glad he watches TV instead of going out to spend.

Give him some space,
Resenting him is a waste

Get some good books and take some classes
Be glad he is boring and not out making passes

Okay, he's not perfect,
But neither are you.
So enjoy the quiet moments
And relax a little too.

And she's right, Mr. Hubby
You are getting chubby.

Now that you are older
Instead of clamming up and giving her a cold shoulder
You must speak up for yourself and be bolder,

But with firmness, and kindness, and patiently.
In short, you must become more fatherly.

If she disapproves of everything you say
It shouldn't bother you in any way.
Just be be long suffering, patient and kind
And never you mind
If she does something naughty today

It's your job to be thoughtful and wise.
Even if she gets you socks the wrong size
Have a twinkle in your eye
And give her a hug before you say good bye
And instead of frown, put a smile in every hi.

Life is short, not long
So sing a happy song.
She is staying with you
And putting up with you too.


And as for you, young lady,

Don't secretly judge everything you see him do
He'll give up and get lazy, and you'll start to sound crazy

Sometimes defer and let him lead the way
That's what the wise old matchmaker used to say. 


 
 

 


.

 Hello, this is Roland. I know that you care about your relationship. I'm glad you stopped by. I just adjusted the settings on my book so that you can read the first 100 pages free. 

Read the first 100 pages free



A handbook for couples. Dr. Roland Trujillo, M.S. Human Relations, Doctorate in Pastoral Psychology, marriage mentor and author of 12 books, tackles the tough questions with humor, discernment, and understanding. Whether you are in a short term or long term relationship, newlywed, or a seasoned partner, this book is for you. Also ideal for people who are not in a relationship but want to know more about relationships, and for those who are adult children of dysfunctional families. From the Garden of Eden to the 21st century, Roland has marriage covered.

New! Mike's Story is now a book. Preview the eBook. Read the whole inspiring story


Here is an letter written by someone who gets it. He overcame anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder. In this letter, he comments on the verse from the Psalms and then tells of his recovery journey. He gave me permission to share his letter but asked that I only use his first name, Michael. I hope someone will be inspired to give our free spiritual meditation a try. All I can say is "Thanks, Mike." Roland

Hello, my name is Michael.

I love this verse from the Psalms.

He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.
Psalm 112:7 (English Standard Version).

It sounds good, doesn't it? But the question is: how do you get to where you have such a firm heart and settled spirit?

It took me a long time to get to where I could understand and say something about having a firm heart and settled spirit. I was Mr. Jellyfish.

But here’s the good news: if I can do it, anyone can do it. It took me 40 years, but that was because it took 40 years for me to get to the point where I was ready. Once you’re ready, recovery can begin in a heartbeat.

And it doesn’t have to take 40 years to be ready. You can be ready in this instant regardless of your age, if your heart is pure and you are sincere.

Here's my story. Let's begin with a few thoughts about anxiety and some observations about life and how I started to recover.

When you are in a tight golf match and it's the 18th hole and you have to make a knee knocking three foot putt, what do you do? You suck it up, get a bucket full of guts, and even though your knees are knocking, you attempt the putt. . . . . .

Let's say you're a plumber and a client has a major break in a pipe under their house that has to be dealt with now. Do you become upset or angry and call a time out and make the client go to his room because you can't cope? No, you deal with the situation, even though you don't feel like it. . . . .

In plain and simple terms, some of us just haven't had a chance to build up some courage or chutzpa. We have been robbed of the kind of experiences where we could develop it. . . . .

Once you realize that you have been denied character building experiences (through being kept from them or from not being taught how to not over react), you can stop beating yourself up. Instead you can simply admit you don't have certain virtues built yet, but you can start to do some things anyway. By overlooking the fear or anxiety.

You will also discover that kindness, fortitude, endurance, graciousness, and patience are ready to unfold when you let go of resentment.

We tend to resent the type of circumstances where we looked bad or failed in the past. If you can learn to approach the new circumstance without resentment, then experience the anxiety (without resenting it), you will be then free to meet the moment with some aplomb. Now having met the moment properly, you will be able to meet the next one ever more easily and without resentment. Anxiety will diminish.

You will discover that there is joy and a sense of triumph in meeting a moment properly. Even if you don't "win" or handle it perfectly, there is joy in meeting it without resentment and with a certain amount of dignity. . . .


But as time went by (as years went by) I learned to fail less. And I also learned to react badly less to my failings. In other words, I began to grow up, and I'm still growing up.

When I was 10, 15, 20, 30 years old, did I have anxiety? Of course. Did I get depressed? Of course.

When my parents got divorced, it bothered me. When my dad died, it made me sad. When my parakeet died, I felt bad. What was I supposed to do, be happy about these things? I grieved and felt hurt and then I got over it.

When I was a little kid, did I go through a period of time when I had to do a ritual of counting numbers or arrange my shoes perfectly at night or else "something really bad would happen?" Of course. Then I grew out of it.

When I was in college, was I high and hyper when something good happened and stayed up till dawn talking to my friends? Then did I crash when a bunch of things went wrong? Naturally.

When I was in my 20's did I wonder who I was and if there was a future for me? Did I mess up, and make mistakes? Sure.

And then did something try to tell me I was "worthless" and that "the world would be better off without me?" Of course.

When I was 30 and sitting in a lonely apartment in the outskirts of Chicago, with the snow coming down and nowhere to go and wishing I were back in California, did I feel depressed? Of course.

But here I am. I got through.

My recovery was two part. First it was just growing out of issues. It seems like each stage of our life--little kid, big kid, teenager, college age, 20's, 30's--there are some typical issues to deal with. The old expression "time heals all wounds" definitely applies. Somehow I just grew out of things.


This brings me to part two of my recovery program. I told you about part one, where I got through the various typical issues I faced at different stages. But then came the life changing, game changing discovery. I took me four decades to get to the point where I was ready. But when I was finally ready, it happened in a heartbeat and within a few days I was a new person.

I'll tell you about it in Part Two

Michael

___________________
.
Mike's Story “How I overcame depression,
bipolar, OCD, anxiety and other
issues without drugs”

is now available in eBook to download to your computer, read online, or download to your mobile device right now!


Mike’s Story “How I overcame depression,
bipolar, OCD, anxiety and other
issues without drugs.” is the powerful personal testimony of someone
who overcame mental health and other issues and went on to
enjoy a successful, productive life.

Mike tells you about his childhood:

the traumas,
the obsessions
and compulsions,
his shyness and bipolar.
Mike tells you about his twenties: the
depression, the doubts and the fears.

You will hear him talk about how Zorro and Colombo helped him get through.

You’ll find out what the Zen Master said.

You’ll read about Mike’s close call with Dr. Rough Handling.

Mike loves to philosophize about life, love,

and he likes Frank Sinatra too.

For each stage of his life he reveals how he moved on and left the issues behind.

Mike saves the best for last:

How he found his
spiritual roots with the help of meditation,
a change of heart,
and a hug and a kick in the pants from God.


Preview at Amazon.com now


Roland Trujillo, pastor, mentor and spiritual
director, is the author of 17 books. His popular self
help radio program has aired on both secular and
Christian radio stations around the country for 25
years.

“I love helping people improve their
relationships, overcome personal issues and find
their spiritual roots. People get stuck, and they need
someone who thinks outside the box to help
them look at life with fresh eyes.

People are resilient and can make progress in a very short amount of time.
Sometimes all it takes is an insight or two,
a little meditation to get centered, and knowing that there is someone
who has love, and who both understands
and can help. That’s all.


Preview eBook at Scribd.com

Preview at Amazon.com in both Kindle and paperback

Using Your Temper To Your Advantage

You can learn to recognize and channel your anger before you see red. Once you reach the level where anger turns to rage and you lose your temper, the logical part of your brain stops working and you are driven by your basest reactions.

1. Allow your anger to be a signal that something is unjust or not right.
2. Allow your anger to help you be assertive and stand up for yourself.
3. Allow your anger to be a cue to look deeper and identify the underlying feelings and needs.
4. Allow your anger to motivate you to make some changes.   

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C., C.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach
Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course
Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples
Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

EWG has released its 2012 guide to avoiding the 12 most contaminated fruits and vegetables. Click here to see the list. (if a commercial appears, just click continue at the top)

It will help you determine which fruits and vegetables have the most pesticide residues and are the most important to buy organic.

You can lower your pesticide intake substantially by avoiding the 12 most contaminated fruits and vegetables and eating the least contaminated produce.

Serve your family the best, not the worst. Before you didn't know for sure. Now you have the list. 

You just must read the list. Many people cannot afford to buy all certified organic. But you can at least avoid the produce that appear to have the most pesticide residue on them by buying these certified organic.

I note that

Worst: apples, grapes, lettuce and tomatoes are among the worst.

Best:  mangoes, avocados, onions, cabbage, and watermelon are among the best

So serve your family the best, not the worst, by buying certified organic apples, celery, lettuce, grapes, and tomatoes.

Then you can save money by buying regular produce that tested best: like

mangoes, avocados, onions, cabbage, and watermelon are among the best.   

How they came up with their results

This FAQ has  useful information, such as "how about washing fruit and vegetables?"

For example, many people think that just washing the produce will get rid of the pesticides. In the FAQ it says that they DID wash the produce before they tested , and the worst ones still had residues. 
 Why? 

Because the pesticides are systemic - they get inside through the soil and the water.

So beware: just washing or even peeling is not the solution. The pesticides get inside through the water and the soil. 

Avoid the worst (like apples, lettuce, grapes, celery and tomatoes) by buying these certified organic.

Where do I find certified organic?  Just go to Safeway, Raley's, Lucky or wherever and look for the words  certified organic 


How about the farmer's market?   Iffy.  I went to the farmer's market near here and lots of produce was brought in in commercial big agriculture boxes, then sold by a smiling country looking person to fool you into thinking it is a family thing.  Also, the family small farm stuff may also be loaded with pesticides.  

Best bet: certified organic     

 "Hi, this is Roland. Homemakers, moms, dads, health conscious people everywhere - As my gift, you can read and download my Happy Home Healthy Living Guide. 

It contains over 100 helpful hints about buying produce, filtering water, best cooking techniques, best types of pots and pans, and much more.

Hey, I know we are all busy. We want to eat the best and avoid iffy things, but no one has taken the time to tell you because they didn't know either. Now you can get my list and hang it up on the wall as a small poster.


Read my Healthy Living Guide - now free to download as a poster to hang on your wall!

Last Friday I was listening to Catholic radio and I heard a program where a lady psychiatrist gives advice on life and relationship issues. (I'm not a Catholic but I like Catholic radio). A call came in that piqued my interest.

A woman called in and said that her daughter, age 19, is having emotional problems. The mother went on to say that her daughter is now going onto Facebook and meeting strangers there and offering herself to them. According to the mother, her daughter even asks them to come over when she (the daughter) knows  that we are not going to be home. (I wonder if "we" means her and her husband).

The mother then, with an emotional plaintiff ascending voice asked "Is there ever a time when birth control is called for?"

The psychiatrist then  responded:  "No, I don't think so." I agree with her principled stance since I believe in abstinence.

The mother then changed the subject and said that her daughter had agreed to some sort of therapy or counseling, and so the mother had gone online to a site to look for someone in her area, but could not find anyone that appeared appropriate. She asked for some other site with Catholic therapists and counselors. The host gave her one.

There was a little more discussion about her daughter's emotional immaturity and the need for education for the emotions, and the need for her daughter to find self esteem that comes from within.

I have no problem with the interaction on the radio. But I was saddened by the situation, and after I turned off the radio to ponder what I had heard, the question suddenly came to my mind: Where is the father? Where is the father in all this?

I can guarantee you that if her father were a good and noble man, and if he was there for her, and if the daughter had a good relationship with her father, there is no way she would have such low self esteem and no way she would be looking for love online. No way.

I recall when I was in my early 30's, I came back to San Francisco from the Midwest, and went to work in a financial district office.  I was working there as an analyst while I completely my Masters Degree taking weekend classes.

I recall that there was a super smart, poised, attractive single lady in the office, perhaps 25 years old. She was strikingly beautiful and some people commented that she looked like a young Elizabeth Taylor.

Her father was an executive with another company. Every week he would come by and the two of them, father and daughter, would go to lunch together. It was a touching thing to see. Obviously, she loved and responded to her father, and she had a great relationship with him.

Of course, she had suitors. They would come calling, and she would agree to let some of them take her to lunch. Inevitably she would come back from such luncheons and lament how immature her date had been. She would say "Can you believe  .  .  . "  and then detail something inconsiderate or shallow thing he did or said. She was obviously disappointed.

She was picky. She could afford to be picky and wait. She already knew she was loved and she had great self esteem because of the good father in her life.

She could wait for a noble and deserving young man to come along, one with the right character. Someone she could respect. Someone like her father.

Watch for part Two: What to do to regain self esteem and a feeling of being loved in a healthy positive way if you did not and do not have a good relationship with your father.


Read more about the importance of father in a daughter's life and w hat the role and duties of the father are in The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage: Making Relationships Work by Roland Trujillo.
Available at Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle and at Barnes and Noble