Relationship

Hi, this is Roland. I've been on the radio for 22 years and have written 5 books about relationships.

I've seen too many marriages ruined by resentment.

It bothers me when both partners are basically good people. Or there are kids.

So if I can help, I will.

Many people are taking one of my free quizzes.

The compatibility Quiz or

The Arguing Barometer

After they've taken the quiz and gotten the results, some people want to tell me their score and for my opinion or feedback.

So I've decided to make this option available. Take the free quiz, then click on the Liveperson button and go to my virtual office. Click to chat or send an email. Tell me you took the quiz and
want some feedback. It's that simple. The fee is low and you get answers from the convenience of your home or office and save on gas!

I look forward to hearing about you.

As a bonus, if we text chat, I'll give you link to read my book The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage free online. If you want some feedback by email, I'll attach a pdf eBook.

Want some professional advice? Looking for relationship coaching or mentoring?

Would you like some feedback or another opinion on a relationship or marriage issue?

A free eBook copy of my 315 pages book The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage with every email answer.

Want to get started but also want to save some money?

Would you like to get started, but you prefer to start small and proceed step by step, or

You want professional advice but you have a really tight budget?

I have a new $10 special for new clients at my Liveperson virtual office.

For new clients, the first email exchange is only ten dollars!

Just go to my Liveperson office and send me an email there.

Describe your issue with as much detail as you wish. Talk to me about what is bothering you. I will respond with a detailed email answer. I will also attach a copy of my latest 315 page relationships book The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage: Making Relationships Work
Get started today!

Hint: be sure to mention that you want the new client special and the free eBook

The Harder I Try The Worse Things Get

Is your relationship struggling and are you the one working hard to fix it, but just seem to be pushing your partner away? If that is the case it may be time to evaluate your tactics and possibly change course. If you wanted to get from point A to point B, but instead found yourself headed toward point Z, then driving faster would definitely not fix the problem, but getting a better map might.


When you find yourself chasing after your partner only to find them withdrawing more and more, it is time to evaluate your approach. Ask yourself, “Is what I am doing getting me the results that I want?” If the answer is no, the next step is to do something different. Often couples in troubled relationships make the mistake of trying harder by doing more of what was not working in the first place.

Next ask yourself, “What would my partner say I am doing that is driving him/her crazy?” Chances are you already know what it is that you are doing that is not working. It is possible that you keep telling yourself that it should be working. You may be sure that what you are doing is the right thing to do. Even if that is true, is being right helping make things better or worse? Sometimes we have to be willing to give up being right, if we want to find some way to be happy together.

Ask yourself, “What have I been thinking, saying and doing that may be contributing to the problem?” Make sure that your answers are specific rather than general. Specifics are much easier to change. If you want things to change then you can begin by changing what you are thinking, saying and doing.

It is important to take a step back from the problem so that you can gain perspective. As you gain perspective hopefully you will begin to see not only what it is that you want and need, but also begin to notice what response your words and behavior bring out in your partner. Do less of what frustrates and annoys them and find ways to do more of what brings a positive response.

Last night on the Karel Show on KGO Radio in San Francisco, I heard a great interview of Eric Kinenberg whose new book sounds really interesting. It is called Going Solo the extraordinary rise and surprising appeal of living alone

He said that in San Francisco, 1 in every 3 households is a person living alone. In Manhattan, people living alone is 1 out of every 2. This is extraordinary!

Here is a small excerpt from the description of the book on Amazon.

"A revelatory examination of the most significant demographic shift since the Baby Boom—the sharp increase in the number of people who live alone—that offers surprising insights on the benefits of this epochal change

In 1950, only 22 percent of American adults were single. Today, more than 50 percent of American adults are single, and 31 million—roughly one out of every seven adults—live alone. People who live alone make up 28 percent of all U.S. households, which makes them more common than any other domestic unit, including the nuclear family. In GOING SOLO, renowned sociologist and author Eric Klinenberg proves that these numbers are more than just a passing trend. They are, in fact, evidence of the biggest demographic shift since the Baby Boom: . . ."

I recommend that you check out the book and perhaps buy it or find it at your library. The interview was fascinating.

_____________________

Do you have a mental health, emotional or relationship issue you would like like some feedback on, guidance, or a second opinion from a professional counselor?

Why talk to anyone else when you can talk to Roland who is the author of 12 books and has 22 years experience advising on relationship and marriage issues. His radio advice program has been on the air 22 years.

"I'm a counselor and an ordained minister too." says Roland who has an earned MS in Human Relations and a Doctorate in Pastoral Psychology.

And I make myself available to people on the internet. I've been helping people via my radio program, books, articles, and private counsel for 22 years.

Many people want to talk to someone. They want to tell someone about something they want to get off their mind. They want to start moving forward. They want a person who is concerned, trustworthy, and sincere.

But they don't want to talk to just "someone" like some unknown counselor, prayer partner or faceless person. They don't want to talk to someone who is just getting started and doesn't have the wisdom and understanding of years. They want to talk to someone who has experience and who is mature. Someone solid and with some authority.

Others want to talk now and not next week. Some people are home bound. Some people want to get started now. They also like to be able to pick someone they are comfortable with.

It is for this reason that I am here.


You don't have to be a Christian to talk to me. I'm just interested in solutions, recovery, optimal living and solving issues.


Get in touch with Roland using our easy


Online Counseling for a Donation

Why wait, or spend gas driving across town? Talk to a someone from the convenience of your home or office. Get professional counseling that fits your budget and schedule.

I am available 7 days a week for your convenience.
"I'm here to help. Whether you just need an outside opinion about a family or relationship issue, or whether you would like some feedback on a personal, private issue, I'm a good listener.

My service is fast, friendly and confidential. Chat in confidence, and speak freely. We all need another opinion and feedback sometimes. That's what I'm here for. Chat with me from the convenience of your home 7 days a week.

Many people prefer online counseling to prevent having a mental health record with insurance companies.

I have Masters Degree in Human Relations and have advanced doctoral studies in pastoral psychology. I am an ordained minister and I am a Board Certified Professional Counselor. I am the author of 12 books on solving relationship, emotional and stress issues.

I have been advising and providing confidential advice and feedback about life's problems for over 20 years.

Some of the issues I've helped people with include:

• resolving unhappiness and re-finding joy


• strategies to improve communication


• loneliness


• singles issues, dating and living alone
  


• divorced and living alone
  


• how to forgive and forget


• coping with infidelity


• single moms and single dad issues
  


• work/home balance


• common sense positive parenting for singles
  


• reconciliation


• dating and courtship issues

Contact me today and get started solving issues and re-finding fulfillment and purpose

Take the resentment away
And make every day
A Love-ly Day!


Josh and Kaitlin just had another big argument. This time the huge spat was over the toothpaste tube.

Last week they had a big argument over money. Two weeks ago the argument was over whether to have the window open or closed.

Each time she throws everything in his face. He clams up. Nothing is solved. Another layer is added to unfinished business and baggage from the past, which resurfaces the next time they argue.

To the untrained observer, it would appear that the issue was the toothpaste tube, money or the window. But to Dr. Roland Trujillo, not so.

"The toothpaste tube is only the occasion for pent up hostility, suppressed angers and long standing unfinished business to burst forth."

Roland continues: "Here's the rest of the story. Josh comes home from work and sits down in front of the television. Kaitlin had been working all day and taking care of the kids. She feels unappreciated.

Josh can sense that she is angry about something, but he doesn't want to begin a conversation because he knows the dam will break and she will throw a long list of things in his face. So he avoids talking.

Josh stays home in the evening even though his friends want him to play cards with them. He is angry because she does not appreciate his sacrifice. Kaitlin complains that the repair he made in the bathroom is not working so she is going to have to call someone else to do it who knows what they are doing. Josh feels like she does not respect him.

Kaitlin wants to talk. She hopes the maybe when thy go to bed, they can talk like they used to. Josh falls asleep right away. Kaitlin feels unloved.

Kaitlin admits to her friend that she tends to throw everything at him all at once. He probably feels overwhelmed says her friend. I know, says Kaitlin, but I can't help it. I keep trying to get his attention."

And once she does, everything that she has been holding in comes out. Afterwards she feels guilty about it.

Josh tells his friends that he loves his wife, but "she is never satisfied with anything I do." "I'm always wrong."

Soon one or both of them are thinking: "I'm tired of arguing. I'm tired of not being appreciated. I'm tired of being the one who has to work on our marriage. I'm tired of always giving in for peace. We have nothing in common. The love is gone."

Here's the bottom line, says Roland. Kaitlin is resentful. And so is Josh. It is the resentment that causes the accumulation of hurt feelings and hostility. The accumulation of upset leads to either exploding in anger or suppressing and clamming up. Neither is healthy.

Resentment washes away reason. Resentment takes away the ability to be reasonable and calm. It leads to frustration and upset. These lead to discouragement, feeling tired, negative thinking, stress and physical symptoms that stress contributes to.

I can help, says Roland. By learning to let go of resentment, you stop upset, frustration, bitterness, discouragement and all the other negative symptoms and feelings. It is also resentment that makes you feel empty.





Purchase at Amazon.com in quality paperback for $14.95

Preview and purchase at Kindle! and download to your kindle or mobile device for $9.95

Got a budget? Want to help Roland? For a donation of $5.00 we will send you this 315 page book in pdf. as a token of our appreciation. Click here to look inside

I care about relationships.

Read and preview the first 50 or look for the chapter that deals with your issue and read it for free.

Of course, I'm hoping you decide to download it to your laptop, computer or mobile device.


Take the resentment away
And make every day
A Love-ly Day!

I could use some comments at Amazon where the book is available in paperback and Kindle.

You can help me by posting a short review at Amazon.

You don't have to buy the book at Amazon to leave a short review comment.

It doesn't have to be fancy. Just a sentence or two would be great.
__________________________________


Josh and Kaitlin just had another big argument. This time the huge spat was over the toothpaste tube.

Last week they had a big argument over money. Two weeks ago the argument was over whether to have the window open or closed.

Each time she throws everything in his face. He clams up. Nothing is solved. Another layer is added to unfinished business and baggage from the past, which resurfaces the next time they argue.

To the untrained observer, it would appear that the issue was the toothpaste tube, money or the window. But to Dr. Roland Trujillo PhD, not so.

"The toothpaste tube is only the occasion for pent up hostility, suppressed angers and long standing unfinished business to burst forth."

Roland continues: "Here's the rest of the story. Josh comes home from work and sits down in front of the television. Kaitlin had been working all day and taking care of the kids. She feels unappreciated.

Josh can sense that she is angry about something, but he doesn't want to begin a conversation because he knows the dam will break and she will throw a long list of things in his face. So he avoids talking.

Josh stays home in the evening even though his friends want him to play cards with them. He is angry because she does not appreciate his sacrifice. Kaitlin complains that the repair he made in the bathroom is not working so she is going to have to call someone else to do it who knows what they are doing. Josh feels like she does not respect him.

Kaitlin wants to talk. She hopes the maybe when thy go to bed, they can talk like they used to. Josh falls asleep right away. Kaitlin feels unloved.

Kaitlin admits to her friend that she tends to throw everything at him all at once. He probably feels overwhelmed says her friend. I know, says Kaitlin, but I can't help it. I keep trying to get his attention."

And once she does, everything that she has been holding in comes out. Afterwards she feels guilty about it.

Josh tells his friends that he loves his wife, but "she is never satisfied with anything I do." "I'm always wrong."

Soon one or both of them are thinking: "I'm tired of arguing. I'm tired of not being appreciated. I'm tired of being the one who has to work on our marriage. I'm tired of always giving in for peace. We have nothing in common. The love is gone."

Here's the bottom line, says Roland. Kaitlin is resentful. And so is Josh. It is the resentment that causes the accumulation of hurt feelings and hostility. The accumulation of upset leads to either exploding in anger or suppressing and clamming up. Neither is healthy.

Resentment washes away reason. Resentment takes away the ability to be reasonable and calm. It leads to frustration and upset. These lead to discouragement, feeling tired, negative thinking, stress and physical symptoms that stress contributes to.

I can help, says Roland. By learning to let go of resentment, you stop upset, frustration, bitterness, discouragement and all the other negative symptoms and feelings. It is also resentment that makes you feel empty.

Roland's practical solutions are based in understanding. "I describe the why of what is happening. I talk about men and women, about how they are different and about the common mistakes we make. Understanding is the answer. And when you become aware of what is really going on and see many good reasons for letting go of resentment, your new understanding will help you feel better and become more joyous and positive.

If your partner also develops understanding, then your relationship can become heaven on earth. If only you become more aware and mature in your understanding, you are still much better off because you will be able to deal gracefully with situations, and spare yourself the upset, frustration and emptiness you now feel.

Another thing, says Roland. Many people know they are resentful and want to give it up, but don't know how. I know how, and I show you.

Other people think that being more forgiving means giving in for peace. But I can show you that it is resentment and guilty that makes you keep quite or give in now. I can show you how to let go of resentment, which frees you up to express yourself and speak up (without resentment).

What I teach should be common knowledge, but you can hardly get these insights anywhere else. Sure there are some good marriage and relationship programs or counseling. The seminar leaders, writer or counselor may be working with bits and pieces of the solution. But I have the whole and I put it all together. With others, you get some pieces of the jigsaw puzzle, but I can give yo the complete picture.


New! The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage is now available in quality paperback at our Amazon.com eStore.
The price for this 315 page book is $14.50. A portion of all eStore sales is donated to help homeless pets at animal shelters. The rest helps Roland help others. Buy now.


For a donation of any amount, get The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage in pdf. format as a token of our appreciation.


Roland Trujillo, author, lecturer, marriage coach,
and author introduces his new comprehensive look at the delights, the challenges and the mysteries of marriage.

For over 20 years, Roland has been helping couples repair their relationships and move forward to optimal living.

Roland is now bringing his insights, based in compassion and spiritual principles, to a
new level in this unique look at the perils, pitfalls, and promises of relationships.

Why do we argue? How can I be more forgiving? Does divorce affect the kids? Can I save my marriage? My wife cheated on me-now what? My husband annoys me. Can we reconcile?

This long awaited book answers these questions and more. For years, listeners have thrilled to hear Roland on the radio. Now his advice for couples is crystallized in this unique look at relationships. Roland talks about the “how” of loving, forgiving, and reconciling. He will help you understand how resentment blocks love, and how to become unblocked.

Roland even explains how the ancient story of Adam and Eve is still repeated in homes today. This book is for anyone interested in relationships, why they get in trouble, and how to repair them

The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage - making relationships work.

318 pages of insights and solutions

Written by Dr. Roland Trujillo PhD in Pastoral Psychology and based on 20 years of counseling and coaching couples


Here are just some of the topics discussed


The Dating and Mating Game Is Not a Game
“A Rose by Any Other Name is Still a Rose”
Why I Decided to Become a Pastor
Where to Find Real Solutions to your Relationship Woes
Why Couples Argue
Myths of Marriage
Sex in Marriage – The Shocking Truth
How to Forgive and Forget
How to Apologize and Clear the Air with Dignity
Just How Important is Dad?
Marriage Counseling for Men
Can I Reconcile with My Husband, Wife, or Child?
Is Food Your Secret Lover and Enabler?
Dealing with Hard Times
Adam & Eve: The First Dysfunctional Family
My Husband is Annoying
My Wife Asked Me to Move Out –What Should I
Do?
Advice to Divorced Moms
My Wife Cheated on Me – Now What?
Finding the Best Marriage Advice – Trust Your Instincts
The Strong Family—Ten Lessons in Faithfulness


Purchase at Amazon.com in quality paperback for $14.95
Preview and purchase at Kindle! and download to your kindle or mobile device for $9.95
Preview at Scribd and purchase to download to your computer or mobile device for $9.95. Save 33% off paperback
Got a budget? Want to help Roland? For a donation of $5.00 we will send you this 315 page book in pdf. as a token of our appreciation. Click here to look inside or donate to help Roland