Playing For Your Relationship

We tend to think of playing as something that children do. Many adults think that they are past needing to play. But play is fun and necessary for all ages. We don’t get old because of the number of years that we have lived, we get old because we have forgotten how or refuse to play.

Ask yourself: what have I done just for fun lately? If the answer is either I don’t know or nothing, then it is time to reconnect with your inner child and awaken you sense of wonder and curiosity. Stuart Brown of the Institute of Play said, “What do most Nobel Laureates, innovative entrepreneurs, artists and performers, well-adjusted children, happy couples and families, . . have in common? They play enthusiastically throughout their lives."

Two things have happened recently in our house that got me thinking about play. First we got a new kitten and she loves to play. The whole family is smiling and laughing more, enjoying the antics of the quickly growing fur ball. The second is that we got some kinect games. We are up off the couch, laughing and playing. Playful activity brings couples and families together much more than vegging on the couch ever will.



Playing with your partner encourages connection and a feeling of intimacy. Creative play stimulates your mind and allows you to temporarily set aside your day-to-day worries and concerns. Enjoying one another and laughing together energizes you and your relationship.

Lighten up and find something fun to do. Far from being a waste of time, play could be just the thing you need to strengthen your relationship. Remember to be patient with yourself if you haven’t played in a long time. It may feel awkward at first, but if you relax and let yourself simply enjoy the time spent playing you will soon realize what a vital part of your life it can be.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

Plan To Improve Your Relationship

A little bit of thought and planning can go a long way toward improving your relationship. Many relationships suffer from what boils down to a shortage of quality time together. Planning your day, week, and year can help you improve your relationship.

This is a time of year when many people choose to set some goals for the year to come. When you are choosing goals, remember to include your relationship as a priority in your plans. Plan for at least two weekend getaways for the two of you. Lack of funds does not mean that you have to opt out. Get creative and find ways to make a getaway at home.

If you have children, find someone who can care for them away from home; you could ask grandparents or trade weekends with family or friends. Whether your getaway is at home or far away, choosing to turn off cell phones, computers and other distraction will make it much more likely that the two of you will reconnect.


Take a few moments at the end of each day to think about what you want tomorrow to be like. Spend a few minutes thinking about the things that you are grateful for in your life and take some deep breaths, then ask yourself, “What can I do tomorrow that will improve our relationship.” Follow through on the ideas that pop into your head. Find ways each day to talk and share with each other.

Take a half and hour to an hour once a week to plan and discuss the week ahead. Coordinating schedules and planning your week together will help you feel more like a team. Each week plan a date for just the two of you and think of other ways to create happy memories together.

When you have the intention of creating a great relationship and you add to that intention consistent efforts to plan for and do the things that build relationships, you have a recipe for a successful relationship.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine