If We Are In Love, Why Does It Hurt So Much?

When we love someone we become vulnerable to hurt, it is true. But choosing not to love in order to protect our self from hurt offers a lonely existence.

Love hurts when we rely on our partner to make us happy or to prove to us that we are loveable. These positions inevitably lead to disappointment and hurt. Even if our partner was willing to constantly work to make us happy or to consistently try to convince us that we are loveable, unless we choose to be happy and we whole-heartedly believe that we are loveable, they will fail.

Love also hurts when it is not nourished. When we take each other for granted or fail to make our partner and our relationship a top priority in each other’s lives, our relationship will drain rather than feed us. Love hurts when trust is broken and our world comes crashing down on our heads. Betrayal and infidelity leave some of the deepest wounds.

A Spanish proverb says, “Where there is love there is pain.” It is because we care deeply for someone that we become vulnerable to being hurt. But the flip side is also true, love gives us the potential for shared joy. When you love someone, it is not always going to be smooth sailing. But if you make your love a priority and pull together instead of apart, then it is more likely you will make it safely to shore.

The Kenny Roger’s song The Gambler, says, “You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, Know when to walk away and know when to run.” The same concept can be applies to relationships. Some relationships even though they may be painful at times are worth saving. For some it may be time to fold, or end the relationship. If there is abuse involved, you may need to run rather than walk away.

Life is Short, Enjoy the Ride

Most of us have no idea how long we will be here on this planet. Consider, if you knew that today was your last day, would that change how you treat the people close to you? Would you be a little more careful to let them know that they are loved?

Be generous in your relationships. You never know how much time you have. There is no time for pettiness or grudges. Letting go of resentments frees you to enjoy life. Make yourself a promise that no matter what happens you will search for and find the silver lining or the blessing in disguise.

在天空蔚蓝雨后 means “the sky will be blue after raining.” Learning to accept and treasure the rain for the growth it brings to your life will make it easier to enjoy your ride through life. Try out the motto, “No complaints allowed.” Challenge yourself to have a complaint free day. Pay attention to how you feel and how many times you catch yourself wanting to complain.

Then take it one step further and turn complaints around and look for something positive. Instead of focusing on what is not good enough or what is lacking, focus on what it is that you can be grateful for. Increasing your feelings of gratitude is one of the fastest ways to increase your enjoyment of life.

True fulfillment comes not in the accumulation of more and more stuff, but in the connecting, loving and giving that builds solid relationships. Be generous, be kind, seek peace of mind.