Awareness Improves Relationships

Self-awareness is the first step toward a healthy sense of self and the first step toward healthy relationships. Awareness of our partner is equally important.

When you consider your life and your relationship, ask yourself this question: “Are you living consciously, semi-consciously or unconsciously? Think about your last encounter with your partner. How aware were you of his/her feelings, how closely did you listen to what s/he was saying, did you pay attention to his/her body language? How aware were you of your feelings and what was behind those feelings? Did you make a conscious choice for how you behaved or did you simply react to what s/he said or did?

Wandering through life half awake does not produce feelings of competence and does not make for great relationships. Increasing your self-awareness will greatly increase your self-confidence and self-respect, leading hopefully to a stronger relationship. Over and over during any day you choose between paying attention and not paying attention. Trying to run your relationship on automatic pilot is what gets you into difficulty.

There is the example of the husband, who was shocked that his wife was leaving him, even though her stuff had been packed and sitting in the hallway for two weeks before she told him. Interestingly, in those two weeks, he never asked and she never offered an explanation for the packed belongings.

Self-awareness means being conscious of our thoughts, feelings, and actions and behaving in harmony with what we see and know. Pay attention to the things that you tell yourself. Pay attention to the choices that you make in your relationship. Everything that we think, say or do is a choice. I find as a counselor, that most people are very aware of the ways in which their partner contributes to the problems in their relationship, but few of them are aware of the ways that they contribute to the problems.

When we choose to be aware of our feelings and share those with our partner, we become closer. When we choose to be aware of how our thoughts, words and actions affect our partner, we can choose to change what is not working. When we choose to be aware of our partner, we can be a true support and companion to them. Awareness both self-awareness and awareness of our partner will strengthen our relationship.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

Exercise Your Relationship: Take It Out For A Walk

“Happiness walks on busy feet.” Kitte Turmell
Most people are comfortable with their present relationship. Oh, they might like to be happier, they wouldn’t turn away more passion in their life and they may long for just that little bit more in their life together. But, as with any other situation, comfort seems to slow people down. When they are comfortable the drive to change or do more is not nearly as strong or persistent.

If your relationship is good and you are content with each other how do you move on to the next level? Just like any other part of your relationship, you need to look at yourself. Take stock of your energy levels, are your emotional potentials being fulfilled, do you feel spiritually fulfilled? How is your physical fitness, as good as it should or could be? “What does my physical shape have to do with my relationship?” you ask.

Well just remember the last time you made love, the time when you were really into it, emotionally, spiritually and physically. How did it go? Were you able to do the things you wanted to? Were you and your lover satisfied with the experience? Did you have to stop to catch your breath in the middle? Does the physical recovery take longer than the foreplay?

If you would just take a moment and think about it you would soon come to realize that physical passion takes a lot of strength, a lot of energy and a fair degree of flexibility. Just as the physicality of your relationship is a small, albeit an important, part of your total relationship, the physical demands of this part of your life are a small part of the total demands on your body and spirit.

To be emotionally in tune with each other, to be emotionally, spiritually and physically supportive requires that you have the ability to take care of yourself and then help your partner. Intense emotions, happy or sad, positive or negative, good or bad can be draining. To feel strong, intense passion, love, or concern can drain you for the moment.

As Thoreau put it, “an early morning walk is a blessing for the whole day,” especially if you walk together. A healthy fit relationship requires healthy fit people. So as a gift to yourself and your partner get a physical check-up on a regular basis, follow a good eating program—getting the proper amounts of fresh fruits and vegetables, drink enough water and start and maintain a fitness program that involves at least 30 minutes a day of cardiovascular work.

Being stronger and more fit will enhance your relationship, as you have more energy to give to it and your partner. Seneca, a Roman philosopher, stated; “it is part of the cure to wish to be cured.” It is part of a passionate, compassionate, romantic, loving and fun relationship to wish to have that kind of relationship. And that kind of relationship usually requires a level of fitness to carry it through.

Dallas Munkholm, B.A., B.Com., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine