Dealing With In-Law Troubles

The support of family and friends is a huge asset to any marriage. It is unwise to criticize or ridicule your future in-laws. Remember that they are a part of your partner’s life. Even if your partner criticizes them or you feel they are a destructive influence, you need to speak respectfully of them and to them. It may help to remember that your partner probably picked you because in some ways you are like significant others in their life.

Decide to accept and love your partner’s family regardless. When you choose not to be offended by things that they may say or do; but instead get curious and learn about who they are and what they think and feel—you may find that they are not so bad after all. If you consistently treat them with respect and consideration they will eventually come around or at least your dignity will remain intact.

Trying to isolate your partner from his/her family and friends is abusive and will usually backfire.

It is also important to set boundaries around your relationship. Take some time to discuss and decide as a couple what role family and friends will play in your life. How much time will you spend visiting? What role will they play in tradition, and special occasions?

Remember, if your family is less than respectful to your partner, it is your responsibility to speak up. Firmly and tactfully set some boundaries to protect your partner and your relationship.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

Satisfaction or Love

"Joy is not in things, it is in us."

Are you satisfied and committed to your relationship? Research shows that commitment and satisfaction are more important than love when it comes to staying in your relationship. Psychologist Susan Sprecher, Ph.D., of Illinois State University studied 101 heterosexual couples at a Midwestern university over a four-year period and discovered that satisfaction and commitment were as, or more, important than love for couples in their desire to stay together.

She found that, for the 59 percent who had ended their relationship before the study was over, the couples still loved each other. In fact, some still loved each other after the relationship ended. Dr. Sprecher said, "these results suggest that people do not end their relationship because of the disappearance of love, but because of a dissatisfaction or unhappiness that develops, which may cause love to stop growing."

There seems to be evidence suggesting that commitment is the indicator of the persistence of the relationship. Sprecher’s study indicates that for those couples who remained together their love and satisfaction increases over time as well. Commitment should be coupled with happiness and love, as Dr. Sprecher found. As a counselor I have found numerous couples who are very committed to their relationship who are extremely unhappy with each other. Some even have lost the love they once had but stay in the relationship out of a sense of commitment.

How does one increase their satisfaction in their relationship? An important factor in satisfaction is acceptance. People need to accept themselves and their partners as they are. This acceptance allows each person in the relationship to be themselves; being yourself helps one feel good with the world. This feeling good is part of satisfaction. Accepting your partner and your relationship as it is helps relationship satisfaction to grow as well.

Acceptance does not mean that there is no room or desire for change; in fact it empowers people to change. Acceptance means a person takes total and complete responsibility for themselves and their part in the relationship. There is no blame attached to each other for specifics in the relationship. This acceptance of responsibility and the lack of blame help to make the relationship a safe and satisfying place to be.

Happiness is the inherent goal for all people. People do what they do for two reasons; to avoid pain and to be happy. Acceptance of life as it is also helps people to be happy for much the same reasons as it helps them be satisfied. To be able to just say this is who am at the moment and this is who my partner is and this is how our relationship is and that is all right alleviates a lot of stress. Less stress means more energy to build the relationship in positive ways.

Being positive is also a way for couples to build satisfaction and happiness into their relationship. Looking for ways to support and build up the other builds both. Being interested in what interests your partner makes them happier and when they are happier so are you.

Dallas Munkholm, B.A., B.Com., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

Sex: The New Miracle Drug

“Sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment with it.” Rumi

If you always thought that sex was just for pleasure, yours and your partner’s, Think again. Recent studies seem to be indicating that sex has an affect on your health. Dr. Paul Pearsall, Director of Behavioral Medicine at Detroit's Beaumont Hospital, writes “the joys and pleasures of living life and loving may provide us with something called an "intimacy inoculation" that actually protects us from disease.” So when you are making love you can also be helping your immune system to fight illness.

Balance in our lives is important, especially between our health and healing systems. One way to help achieve this balance is to establish and maintain a deep, intimate relationship with your partner. Intimacy does not always equal sex, although it usually heightens the experience. Holding hands, snuggling and casual loving touch, quiet conversations can all be very intimate and very fulfilling.

This type of intimacy often leads to a feeling of connectedness, where you feel that deep, loving bond between you and your partner. When we experience these intimate, moments, researchers have said that we may experience a measurable change in neurochemicals and hormones throughout the body that help promote health and healing.

It is not just the sex act of intercourse that starts us on the path to health and healing through sex but it is the closeness that making love brings that is the clincher. “Psychologist and author Gina Ogden, Ph.D. notes in her book, Women Who Love Sex, that sex has everything to do with openness, connection to and bonding with a partner, feelings about what is happening to us, and memories.”

As couples we need to practice safe sex. Not the kind that the world thinks of to prevent STDs and pregnancies but safe sex that relates to our emotional security. The very act of making loves is one of the most vulnerable things there is. We open our selves up and trust our partners to love us and not hurt us. Most women feel that warm, loving connections between themselves and with their partners is “essential to and inseparable from the experience of sexual ecstasy.”

And not just for women. Research seems to be suggesting the same for men, especially those younger men. Our society is now deeming it an acceptable thing for men to notice and talk about their feelings. This trend leads to men also being able to admit that what they crave the most about sex is the same as women, they want the closeness and connection that making love brings.

Older men really want it as well they just have not put the two together. Dr. Anthony Fiore, a leading sex therapist and counselor says that these older “men were taught, as youths, that males showed love by doing, not by talking or ‘connecting’ with girls.” The good news for the older couples out there is that anyone can learn to become close. It will take patience and understanding on the woman’s part and commitment and desire on the man’s.

So if you want to be a little healthier and increase your chance of living longer try this new medical prescription. Take a long walk together, hold hands and talk about your innermost thoughts and feelings, laugh and giggle together, make that connection then go home and climb into bed and set the world on fire.

Dallas Munkholm, B.A., B.Com., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

In this blog we have been dishing out powerful tips on how to get your relationship on track.Most of these tips have been emphasizing on rekindling the romance in your relationship.Now is a great opportunity for every one to take their relationship to the next level."Valentine's Day Gift" can be that days gift to say go...

With the great economic depression
we are hoping the stimulus package is what will save the economy right.Where will i have my own stimulus package to kick start or save my relationship?(be careful you are thinking so loud i can hear what you are thinking).I can't blame you the economic depression is making us all think like that too.

Now i want you to consider this free"Valentine's Day Gift ideas"as you relationship stimulus package.Please when you get this relationship stimulus package do not celebrate Valentines day like an obligation rather than a celebration.

The first package is a self made coupons.
All you have to do is create a self made coupon or go to AmericanGreetings(it is FREE)and create a self made printable coupon.This self coupons can Cary offers such as(free manicure, free facial, free foot rub, free I'm Sorry, free day with the guys, free wash and wax, free 'I don't want to have to go to ________, free to do what I want to do day,etc You get the point.

The second package is the spell it out.
This is just a simple way of making your partner have a smile on his or her face before meeting you for a romantic dinner any were of your choice.For example you lover is out for work or you send him/her out for an errant just so you have enough time to plan out your "Valentine's Day Gift".As soon as your partner is out you can by leaving a note with the spelling "I LOVE YOU"on the floor just inside the front door.Then drop other notes(I MISSED YOU,MY WORLD WILL STOP MOVING WITH OUT YOU etc) around were you know for show your partner will visit as soon as he/she returns(the kitchen,bath etc).Then the last note is a description to the place were you most have plant a romantic dinner for two.

The next relationship stimulus package for Valentine's Day is for those in a distance relationship.This one is called "VALENTINES IN A BOX".You can post a box full of the ideas on how you would have spent the romantic day with him/her.A "VALENTINES IN A BOX" can be pact up in this order first
-a note of regret not being able to spend the day with him/her.
-Then candles and a bottle of wine (candle light dinner).

- The next a movie with a note attached to it saying how you would spend the night cuddled in each others arms watching a movie.
-Finally with a note explaining how you would end the evening cuddled up reminiscing over the "story" of how your love has grown. And of course ...fill every empty space.
With a gratifying and inexpensive relationship stimulus package like this to kick start or rekindle your relationship with the opportunity taken of giving a"Valentine's Day Gift" no one and i mean no one should complain of an economic depression or that they do not know how to bring back the romance in their relationship.

So here is the question at hand...

Is valentine's day the most or least romantic day of the year for you and why?

Go on the comment box and drop down what you think

Before you can choose the proper persuasion techniques in your relationship, you will need to consider what you want to change and what is causing the problem in the first place. Sometimes it’s not as simple as wanting something to change, you need to know what you’re up against.

What’s happened to you?

A lot of couples can undergo relationship troubles when there’s been a significant event that has affected them. The death of a family member, a pet, health problems, legal troubles, drug problems, and mental issues can all contribute to problems in a relationship when they’re not sufficiently handled. Take the time to inventory your past few months to see what may have been the trigger for the problems that you’re having right now. Think about the time frame of the problems that you are facing. Has it been a recent thing or have you been having troubles for a longer period of time?

What’s going on?

Having problems is so vague that you might want to sit down and really define what has changed for you in your relationship. Instead of saying that things aren’t good or that you wish things were better, what is happening right now that isn’t something that you like? Are you talking less? Are you seeing each other less? Is one partner abusive? Try to figure out the action that is causing stress in your relationship so that you have a focal point for further discussions.

This isn’t just about you

While you’re at it, you need to start asking your partner as well what they think the problem is. Sometimes you need that outside perspective in order to get a handle on the direction that you need to go in. Try to approach your partner not from the perspective of blame, but rather from the viewpoint that you want to make things better. This is not the time to say that someone is wrong, but that you want to figure out what is making you both unhappy.

Deciding that you’re the only one in the relationship whose opinion matters is an easy way to cause more problems – even when you don’t actually think that. Your partner does not want you to attack them for things that have happened and it can feel like an attack when you’re the only one doing the talking. You need to take the time to listen to your partner and really come to an understanding about what they need from you.

And what if your partner doesn’t think anything is wrong?

An interesting situation that you might find yourself in is when your partner decides and answers that nothing is wrong. And what do you do then? When your partner is obviously unhappy – distant, avoiding you, etc. – you will want to approach him or her differently. Sometimes making a date to talk and to figure out what you’re not happy will be all the impetus for your partner to start revealing what’s going on in their head.

They need to feel like you aren’t going to attack them for having problems with your relationship, so make sure that you allow them to have whatever feelings they have without saying that they are wrong. What you want to do is tell them that you’re genuinely interested in making your relationship better and that by finding out what they think, you’ll be able to make them happy as well.

When you have figured it out

It can take time to really determine what the real problems in a relationship are, but once you do, you need to take action immediately. This could come in the form of discussing each other’s needs and what solutions they might propose as well as sitting with your own feelings to see what solutions you might have for the other person. It all comes down to communicating with each other and seeing what the relationship needs to become stronger.

Some couples find that talking works well to solve problems, while others like to write down their feelings and then share them. Whatever seems to allow you both to express your feelings honestly and accurately – do that. What’s great about relationship problems is that most of them can be solved with a little patience and a lot of talking. You just need to get started.

About The Author
Cucan Pemo
Relationship Tips - Relationship Advice - Relationship Help
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Hidden Persuasion Secrets In Relationships: How to command attention, change Minds, influence people, and get what you want in life and Love. Thousands of satisfied readers cannot go wrong!

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