Are We Destined To Repeat Past Mistakes?

The majority of people make many mistakes, daily. That does not make us bad people, just human. Chances are you are not perfect. In the course of your life you have probably make mistakes, even if the last one was in 1987 it was a mistake.

People often complained that they make the same mistakes, over and over. They wonder if they will ever stop making that mistake. As a counselor I am asked what is wrong with me, why can't I stop? Occasionally there is something that we do wrong and the immediate consequence is so traumatic that we don't repeat it. What is the best way to remember your wife's birthday? Just forget it once.

Other mistakes are a little harder to define as a mistake. Situations change from when we first did whatever it was that we did. At the time it may have not seemed like a mistake but in hindsight we find that it was a mistake. It may not have been the wrong choice for the moment but perhaps was not the wisest course of action available to us. These kinds of issues are fairly common and sometimes all it requires is that we spend a little more time researching and thinking about the situation. Make use of wise decision-making techniques. Evaluate all the options open to us and choose the one is best for ALL concerned.

The mistakes that people keep repeating over and over usually concern interpersonal issues. Take the example of the woman who is married and divorced four times. Her question is "aren't there any good men out there." When in reality there are plenty, in fact most of her husbands are good people, just not good for her. The problem here is that she has some personal issues that keep her choosing the same man over and over.

Repeated mistakes quite often indicate personal issues that have not been resolved. When this happens the person keeps making the same choices, leading to the same pain, hence the same mistake. Other problems, especially emotionally laden issues, have a tendency to cycle through a persons life until they are resolved. The cycle varies from between five to seven years with the issue arising quicker the older you get.

So, are we destined to repeat our mistakes for the rest of our lives? Destined, no. Apt to repeat them, yes, unless we resolve the issues and get some closure. There are many good self help books out there that can help resolve those issues and for the really ingrained ones you would probably do best with find a good counselor.

Dallas Munkholm, B.A., B.Com., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

Be True To Yourself

Dr. Suess gave us this pearl of wisdom, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”

Being true to yourself means guarding your integrity. Integrity is an essential part of self-esteem. The cost to your self-respect is huge when you pretend to be someone that you are not in order to gain acceptance from others. The thing that people often forget is that self-acceptance is far more important than popularity.

Pretending to be someone other than who you are in order to fit in will, in the long run, cause you to reject who you really are. The problem is that when you are unable to love and accept yourself, you will struggle with loving and accepting others.

When your actions run contrary to your values and beliefs you will experience discord in your life. Things will not feel “right” to you. It may feel like you are struggling against life.

Being true to yourself begins with knowing yourself. Like Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride, you need to pay attention to your own feelings. What kind of eggs do you like? Get to know yourself.

Recognize that your real friends will not push you to do things that are against your values and they will accept you as you are. Friends also help you see yourself more clearly at times. A true friend will not only accepts and loves you, but helps you grow as well.

Being true to yourself and accepting yourself does not mean that you are perfect and never need to grow or change. Self-acceptance does not mean self-coddling. If you have faults, work to improve in those areas. If you make a mistake, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, apologize and learn from it.

Being true to yourself also does not require you to be disrespectful or inconsiderate of others. But it does mean that you make your own choices based on your beliefs and values and that you honor your inner sense of what is right for you.


Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

photo by shuaib_y

Adjusting your body language may just be the be the key to your relationship rescue.You most have known by now that comunication is a vital part, the foundation of any relationship.Actually most relationship in crises stems from the fact that there is a lack of comunication.

According to studies carried out over 50% of your communication comes from your body language – what you DON’T say and less then 8% of your communication comes from what you DO say.Therefore relationship rescue start with understanding body language.

This means to pay extra attention to how you say things, how you stand, how you act than it is to what you say.

The trueth is relationship rescueing is soo much easer if you understand the body language of your partner since you can use that to read his/her mind.That is how powerful body language is if you only use it well.(if you want more advance details concerning body language you can check it out here)

Below are 4 basic body language tips you must know.

1. Smile

Always smile at your partner it makes your partner feel at ease and comfortable.You also need to let your partner know that you are confident and comfortable around he/she. A big and genuine smile is the best way to do this. It works. In fact, if you ever get in a situation that you can tell your partner is about to give you the “dead ear”during a relationship rescue, give him/her a big smile. Practice smiling at random people. You’ll be surprised by how many people smile back and at how many doors open to you. Smiling WORKS. Just don’t make it a cheesy, fake smile ;)

2. Eye contact

This greatly differs in culture.There are some cultures that do not permit a woman to look straight in to the eyes of a man. That is considered disrespectful as oposed to the western world were when one does not maintain eye contact is considered disrespectful and it show the person is not listerning to the speaker.

In the cultures were eye contact is maintain do it but not too much because it can be intimidating during arelationship rescue .If you aim to have eye contact with your partner around 70% of the time you are talking, this should be comfortable for most people.Eye contact can make serious connections within people. They say the eyes are a window to the soul and I think there may be some truth to that.

Remember maintain eye contact. Not too much, about 70% of conversation time. Be natural.

3. Upright posture

Guys can get away with a bit of a hunch, but women really do prefer men with straight, upright postures. Look at all the big film actors like Pitt, Cruise etc. They all have good posture. It says to a woman you are confident, healthy, and strong (at least in mind). It’s just generally more attractive and says lots when having a relationship rescue talk. Plus it’s good for your back and will help strengthen your back muscles making it easier to maintain.

Get into the HABIT of having an upright posture.

4. Gesticulate with open palms

Basically, when you are talking to your partner and trying to make a point (that puts you in a positive light) or defend yourself (for example, your partner suggests you might be cheeting on him/her) you talk and using your hands you have open palms facing upwards. Keep your arms in front of your body with your palms facing the sky and smile when you are involved in your relationship rescue talk.

It works VERY well on a subconscious level to suggest you are being honest and telling the truthand truthis what realy rescue a relationship some times from problems. And if you want your partner to begin to trust you again, making him/her think you are being straight with him/her, is important.

This open palm gesticulation MUST be combined with a smile to work effectively.

Those are the basics of body language, if you'd like to learn more visit Tiffany Taylor's

Is it true Love alone can take you through your relationship problems to a better and blissful one?

I do not want to go in to the argument of whether love is real in the first place or not because every one is entitle to his or her philosophy or opiniun.I for one i believe there is love and it exist in reality other wise why are people offering their life every day for the protection of their country or loved ones.

I do also believe there is in every human being an iota of love deep down each and every one of us.But the way we express it is what brings evil on earth.For example committing suicides or killing another person in the name of love might actually be love but expressed in an evil way.

Now going back to our original topic or question.Can true love alone take you through your relationship problems to a blissful one?

To my opinion again love can do any thing you want it to do example build a stable relationship,improve your health and even wealth just about any thing just as it can destroy your relationship,health and even wealth.It all depends on those involved in the relationship and how well they understand the word love.

Now giving you the real meaning of love can take us another day and a whole new blog.For me its the simple definition of doing unto others what you want done to you.Definitely no one with a clear brain will ever want harm or any pain for that matter done to him/her.

So with this in mind i would like to come to a conclusion or at least an answer to the question above by saying yes love can take you through your relationship problems to a blissful one if you love the other person unconditionally as you do yourself.Loving some one unconditionally is Knowing that the one you love is also a human like you, who makes mistake like you.And that you are prepared to forgive those mistakes and move on to a better life like you do forgive yourself from time to time and move on.

A relationship with this type of love even if its coming just from you alone is like a firm foundation of a tower being build with the sky as its limit.With a foundation of love like this not even a tsunami of any evil that destroys relationship can over come that.

However i am not saying you should go to the extent of risking your life for a joke who is very problematic and can not grow up.Take care for now and good luck

So you have a lover who is so possessive when you chat or have a drink with an opposite sex, he get so angry, when you ask why he so angry? He will tell you a lie, or those who are bold enough will tell you right out by saying some think like "I love you so much I want you all to my self".Some go to the extent of not only hating your friends they go to the extent of telling you that you should not see them any longer.

These are all signs that you are on a dangerous ground. These signs can be enforced by the way your friends start behaving when he is around or the comments your friends make about your dating relationship,how it is getting worst every day.When you start noticing all these, then you should understand those are all red lights of a possessive relationship.

Now I want to be clear here, initially you might thing that he/she love you that much to want to spend all his  time with you and  this is extremely common with women under the age of 30.But be careful keeping up or encouraging such an act will only bring you to a down low.

Now if you see those signs of possessiveness which we discussed above (the red light signs)and you want to keep up the relationship here are some tip which will help you through it;

Set Limits;
You can say some thing like this to him."I love you and I am happy to see you but I also want to see my friends".

There are three types of relationship you have to outline to him, so as to help your relationship dating to work;

1. *Time spent together
2. *Time spent with his friends
3. *Time spent with your own friends

Trying to separate you from all your friend is trying to make you entirely dependent on him.This is the old game of divide and conker.With this strategy he will have total control over your life and it will be difficult for you to breakup from him.

Stop!!! Do not  let any one control your entire life.How will you experience different things if you are not doing it with lots of different people.Hanging or promoting such acts will only let you have just his own perspective in life which will just gradually lead you in to depression of some kind.

If all this is difficult to correct then seek counseling or check out the amazing discovery from a man whose near death experience reveals keys to ignite passion, solve stubborn relationship problems and ensure you'll always have the love you want.This will help you learn other ways to deal with your possessive lover but just do not keep up with it.
Good luck

What Have You Done For Fun Lately?

Whether the relationship is with your children, your partner or your friends, fun should be a part of it. If smiling and laughter is not a regular part of your day, then maybe it is time to lighten up. A smile brightens your face and brightens you mood. Finding reasons to smile helps make life more worthwhile.

A sense of humor is a great addition to any relationship. Just remember not to use humor at the expense of others. It is only funny if everyone can laugh about it. Laughing at others can be hurtful.

Are your children learning from you that it is okay to enjoy life? Are they learning to see the humor in difficult situations and to not take themselves too seriously? Are they learning that there is a time to work and a time to play? Make some time to have fun with your children and ensure that it is also fun for them.

If your relationship seems a little stale, you might start by asking yourself, “What have we done for fun lately?” If you realize that this element has been lacking, then it may be time for brainstorming and action. Each of you makes a list of things that you like to do for fun. Push yourselves to come up with at least ten ideas. Then compare your lists. If there are some similarities, great, these are things that you both find fun. Now schedule and do at least one fun thing together each week.

If you don’t have similarities then look at this as an opportunity to try out some things that are fun for your partner and have them try out some things that are fun for you. You don’t have to do everything on the lists and you can add to the lists at any time. Just DO IT. Give yourself permission to have fun and enjoy life.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine

Is your marriage in trouble? No matter how bad,
there’s always hope and ways to turn your situation
around. Here are five common ways to help create a
better, more loving and harmonious relationship
with your wife.


1. Handle arguments differently

Every marriage and relationship has arguments, but
it's how you handle them that's most important. At
Junior High School, I said 'no' to drugs. At my
wedding altar, I said 'no' to fighting. Nancy
Reagan's "Just Say No" anti-drug campaign was a
huge success. Kids made a verbal commitment and a
mental stance to avoid drugs before they were even
of the age to be tempted. When they were introduced
to drugs, they knew they could "just say no" and
not feel alone. Fighting is NOT harmless. It’s
addictive and, if continued, is likely to cause
irreparable damage. Certainly there are times when
emotions get wrinkled, and the natural inclination
is to blow your top. I sometimes have to bite my
tongue so I don't say something I would regret
later (since when is self-control a bad thing?)
Having a naturally calm personality has admittedly
made it easier for me to think before I speak than
it is for some people. But that shouldn't stop
anyone from trying.


2. Turn gossip and bashing into praise

No one's perfect. When the guys get together and
the conversation turns to complaining about “what
their wives do,” or wife bashing in general, refuse
to participate. It shows that you respect and value
your wife. Instead, when a "gripe session" gets
going, make it a point to start sharing some of her
good qualities. Usually, this alone will steer the
conversation into a positive direction and help
your friends to also praise their wives -- which in
turn helps them to respect and appreciate them more
too. Knowing that my wife refuses to belittle me in
front of friends makes me love and respect her even
more.


3. Change your routine of life

After a few months or years, most couples get into
a comfortable pattern where they always do the same
things. Same dinner / movie dates, same sexual
routine and same behaviors. You can rekindle some
of that magic and keep your marriage exciting by
simply paying attention to these three important
areas:

1. Go on creative dates - agree to go out and do
something you've never done before once every week,
fortnight or month. It doesn't really matter what
you do, but it's important to commit and do this
constantly. Want some ideas? Go to a winery,
museum, art gallery, carnival, the beach, or have a
picnic in a park.
2. Spice things up under the sheets - try a new
position, technique or location. Wear some nice
lingerie or introduce some new toys into the
bedroom.
3. Change up the norm - buy her a gift just to say
“I love you," give her a nice massage, set up a
scavenger hunt that shows how much you care about
her with a gift at the end.


4. Face your money issues and debts

One of the biggest problems facing couples today is
the huge amount of debt they bring into their
marriage. Not only are there more divorces, couples
are calling it quits much earlier in their marriage
than ever before. Here are some ideas to get your
debt and money issues under control.

1. Sit down and prioritize all aspects of your
family budget together. Only when you analyze your
spending habits will you fully realize where you
are wasting money. It’s a great opportunity to talk
about your goals and dreams.
2. Realize that frivolously spending money can be a
sign of disrespect for your marriage and mate.
3. If you would like a bigger diamond ring or a
fancier car, ask yourself why.
4. Take a quick inventory of all the items you own
but could really live without. Consider how much
you paid for them. What if you didn't buy those
items and had all that money in savings instead?
Would it make a difference in how you view your
job, your family and your future?

So there you have it. 4 ways to turn your marriage
down a positive road. No one said mending a
marriage would be easy. It takes time, effort and
persistence. Good luck.

About the Author:

Michael Webb's latest book, "Getting Her Back… For
Good" provides you with a solid plan to get your
ex-wife back, help heal your marriage and even
prevent a divorce. For all the details, visit
Michael Webb's information site on simple relationships dating tips